Okay, there are some cases when "spoiling" could be a problem. A child who gets every toy they want, whenever they want it, for example. And really, I think material things are really the only good example I can think of.
When babies are very small, you hear that a lot when they cry. Thank goodness I never did, or I probably would've ripped someone a new one. And I'm not talking about sleep training, here. I'm talking about. . . when your 8 month old is crying because he wants held and another adult tries to tell you not to pick her up because that will "spoil" her. That by picking her up, she is manipulating you do fall victim to her every wish and desire. And then they wonder why their 10 month old is so clingy and having issues with separation anxiety. Babies need to feel secure, attached, and loved. Like my mom always told me, "There is no such thing as spoiling a baby!"
So once B turned one I thought I would stop hearing that. Ohhh no. Since when is meeting your child's emotional needs defined as spoiling? I understand they they need boundaries and limitations. But if I let her nurse when she wants to nurse, that's not spoiling her. I'm feeding her. If she wants picked up and I pick her up, that's not spoiling her. That's being a loving mother. If she wants me to read her a book for the 100th time and I read it, I'm not spoiling her. I'm being active in her learning. If she wants to walk instead of ride in the stroller and I let her walk, I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her exercise and be independent. If she refuses to sit in her highchair for dinner and I don't force her, I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her trust her own hunger cues. Ifwe go into a crowded room and I let her cling to me for 15 min (or 20 or 30 or 40) I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her find comfort in me so that she can find her own independence when she is developmentally ready.
Really. . . the list could go on and on. I believe that babies are are cared for from birth on will grow up to be caring, empathetic children and adults. When you are sensitive to the needs of your child, they become sensitive themselves. Being able to see things from their perspective is so important no only in anticipating their needs or reactions, but in helping them learn how to be sensitive to other people's moods. I truly believe that by "spoiling" a child, you are raising a connected, careful, loving, confident, compassionate little person. Come to think of it, I LOVE spoiling B. She is growing up learning that is is safe to trust others, that the world is a warm and responsive place, at her needs will be met, and that she can be whatever kind of Velcro baby she wants because I would be thrilled to know she is capable of forming strong loving bonds with people. Not with objects. That's how I spoil my baby. How do you?
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