Mid Night Tales

B was born a great sleeper. To begin with. She started sleeping through the night (as in 8-10 hours stretches) when she was 6 weeks and 2 days old. *Side note: my memory is beyond horrible yet I can remember the silliest of details.* Then she hit 5 1/2 months and her teeth started coming in. And she started rolling over. And then crawling. Then more teeth. And more and more. And then separation anxiety. And changes in sleep patterns. . . and before I knew it, my perfect sleeper was waking up every 2-4 hours, sometimes even as much as 7 times in one night. Boy, was that a rude awakening!

I read just about every sleep book out there. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", "Babywise", "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems", "The Baby Whisperer", "Helping Your Baby and Toddler to Sleep", . . . just to name a few. Many friends, as well as some people I barely knew, gave me advice that to get them to sleep well, on their own and through the night, I would just have to "let her cry".

Crying-it-out, or "CIO", is a method used for sleep training. It has variations like Feberizing, controlled crying, or modified CIO and is used as a way to "help" a baby to sleep on their own. I was under the false presumption that unless I let her cry, she would never learn to sleep on her own. That I was somehow robbing her of that luxury, that she would become a chronically over-tired, fussy baby and I would be an exhausted, cranky and unsuitable mother. I gave in. I tried the Ferber method one day. And after about 20 minutes, I was done. Isabelle was hysterical, I was hysterical, and she wound up clingy, needy, unhappy for the rest of the week. I will feel forever and ever and ever guilty about letting her cry for those 20 minutes. It was heart-wrenching. Before I go any further, I want to start of by saying that if you've chosen to do CIO, I hold no judgements against you. I know you did what you felt was best for you, your little one, and your family. I KNOW you love your kids more than anything in the world!! We have alot of decisions to make as parents. This is just my decision, and if nothing else, I hope to give some hope to any future mommas.

So I now knew I didn't want to leave B to cry alone in her room, but I also wasn't sure how I felt about these 45 min nursing sessions every few hours in the middle of the night. Surely there was a middle ground, right? After going through massive amounts of sleep books from the library and coming across article from the beloved babycenter, I finally came across a solution -- "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" to be specific. (Which then led me to Attachment Parenting, Extended Breastfeeding, Babywearing, and before you know it I was becoming more and more toasted and crunchy. . . all up for topics at a later date).

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" (NCSS) gives moms several tools to use to gently help your little one learn to sleep better with less and less help from you. Our biggest problem was that Isabelle usually always needed to nurse to sleep, and Pantley teaches you a removal process to wean your baby off of the suck-to-sleep association. She calls it the "Pantley Pull-Off" or PPO. When we started that, we almost immediately saw a difference in her sleep and how low I was staying up with her in the middle of the night. Before long, instead of going in to nurse for 45 min, it was taking as little as 5 min.

Another tip I used a lot was establishing was Pantley calls, "key words" and a shush/pat. Before NCSS, I really never said or did much besides nurse (I didn't even rock. . . I hate rocking!). So when she was nursing, I started to say, "Shhhh. . . go night night" quietly so she would associate that with sleeping. Meanwhile, I would also press my hand to her chest and rub or pat gently. We did that for several weeks, then I would start to say the keywords and shush/pat earlier and earlier so help her settle. The real miracle came the day I PPOed, transferred her to her crib, she started to squirm and fuss and I simply laid my hand on her chest, and whispered, "Shhh. . . . go night night" and she laid still and went to sleep. Hokey smokes was I excited! It worked!

Next was teaching Isabelle to fall asleep on her own. Again - without crying. As the book suggested, I started establishing a lovey. Also, I would take Isabelle to play up in her room at least twice a day, and try to keep her in her crib for play time at least one of those times. This is supposed to teach them that their bedroom and their crib is a fun, happy place. I'll never forget the first day Isabelle let me lie her down and leave the room without a fuss. And when she fell asleep without me, I about peed my pants.

So, was NCSS easy? Um - NO! CIO is a fast, easy fix with typically quick results (although you usually have to do CIO again and again every time your little one reaches a new milestone, goes on a trip, becomes ill, etc, etc, etc). The progress was slow and all happened in baby steps. Although I saw progress, Isabelle definitely wasn't sleeping through the night, taking perfect naps, and falling asleep on her own in a matter of weeks. It was more like months. We had lots of ups and down. . . sleeping great one week and horrible the next. . . but being a mom isn't about molding a child to fit into your life, it's about accommodating your life to better suit theirs.

Today, 7 months after starting NCSS, Isabelle is able to fall asleep on her own, sleep 12 hours straight through the night most nights, and takes a good 2-hour (sometimes more) nap every day. Sure, she still has nights where she wakes up and needs me; and I'm there for her. There is SO much that goes on with our little ones, I know there is no way I could have ever let her CIO. I would've questioned myself every step of the way. Science has proven that babies don't cry to manipulate; they cry to communicate. Just because her diaper is clean and her belly is full doesn't mean she doesn't have other needs. Maybe her belly hurts. Maybe her teeth. Maybe she is just feeling insecure and needs the assurance that someone is there for her. That is still a NEED. By trusting in the value of Isabelle's cries, she learns to trust me. I was able to read Isabelle's cries and respond accordingly. Sometimes, I could even read her body language and respond to her pre-cry singals so she didn't always HAVE to cry. To me, responding to a babies cries is mother nature. You hear them cry and you have this strong urge to pick them up and comfort them. I didn't want to loose that; I didn't want to become desensitized to her cries and signals.

This last year has flown by. I know there will be a day in the not-too-distant future when B will be going out with friends. . . starting high school. . . getting married. . . and I will yearn for the days back when she wanted my company at night. The first year is, by no means, easy. . . but just enjoy it! Soak in all the late night cuddles you can. Enjoy the peacefulness of the house when it's quiet (finally!). Don't wish away this phase of their life. You'll be begging to have it back before too long.