Regardless, I am proud of it. It's really not what I DO, but what I don't do. I came up with a list of promises for my girls. It's meant to be both serious and funny, so hopefully it's perceived that way!
1.) I will never leave you to cry alone.
I don't care if I'm behind 10 hours on sleep. I don't care if you've been up all night for the last 10 nights. I don't care if just want me to hold you, or will only sleep if I'm by your side. I don't care if you've done something wrong and you're crying because you just got in trouble. I don't care if you're throwing a temper tantrum. I will never leave you to cry alone. (Unless you ask me to!)
Unless you're crying because you're in trouble for hitting your sister, who is ALSO crying. Sometimes mommas have to prioritize. Caring for 2 or more children who are crying at the same time is difficult.
2.) I will never force independence.The most independent adults were very dependent children. I want you to be secure. I want you to be as attached to me as you need to be, to know you are safe. I won't force you to go with someone you don't want to go with or be somewhere you don't want to be just because you need "time without mom". You let me know when you're ready.
This may change when Kindergarten starts. I can skip preschool and stay home more, but I'm not sure I'll ever convince your dad to homeschool. :/
3.) I will never put you in timeout.
I will sit down alone with you when you need reconnecting. I will take you aside and explain what you did was wrong. I will let you tell your side of the story, and I will work through the problem with you. I will teach you. If you want, I will give you time to think about what happened and how you can make it better. We will work through it together. I will teach you. But I will never banish you to a corner/room/chair/etc and leave you. Also See #1.
No exceptions found just yet :)
4.) I will never take something important away from you.
You are welcome in our bed as long as you want to sleep there. You can nurse as long as you are happy. You can sleep with a blanket until you are 30 if you want. Unless there is a heath concern. i.e. you can't eat the entire carton of ice cream. And I will probably try to wean you by college so it's easier on you.
5.) I will never put my happiness above yours.
Because every mother knows nothing is more important to them then their own child's happiness.
Unless you're not happy until I'm happy. Then I'll make sure I have a daiquiri.
6.) I will never force affection on you.
You don't have to kiss or hug ANYONE (me, your father, your grandparents, your cousins) if you don't want to. It's your body and you have every control over it.
However, don't be surprised if I want to hug and kiss you ALL OF THE TIME. But I'll resist if you insist.
7.) I will never insist you say "I'm Sorry"
I want you to say you are sorry because you ARE sorry. We can talk about what you did, why it was wrong. . . maybe how it hurt someone. I will make suggestions and we can talk about how to make it better. But I don't want you to ever give an insincere apology. When you say you're sorry, I want you to always mean it.
This doesn't mean I won't be mad as a hornet when you do something that hurts someone and you won't say you're sorry. We'll probably both be pretty frustrated. It's still maddening!!
8.) I will never hit you
No freekin' way. I understand there is a very strong and powerful difference between a child who respects his/her parents, and one who merely fears them. I know two wrongs don't make a right. I know the physical, emotional, and life-long effects spanking has on children and I PROMISE you, I will never be a statistic.
I may or may not goose your cute little booty to get a giggle, though :)
9.) I will never make you share something that belongs to you
There are some possessions even *I* am not willing to share with just anyone. Like my car. Or my camera. Just because I know the difference in monetary value between a car and a blanket doesn't mean you do. If you don't want to share something, that is fine. (Although be prepare that I will make you put up anything you don't want to share while friends are over). If you are playing with a toy and someone wants to play with it, I won't make you turn it over just because I think they are entitled to anything they ask for. I will teach you to take turns and give it to them when you are finished. And vise-versa for you.
I may ask you to share food, however. Like, say. . . jelly beans. With mommy. Maybe your sister can have some too. :) And some serious lessons may be in our future for clothing two teenage girls. Oy.
10.) I will never threaten or manipulate you with a false pretense.
i.e. Santa. The Easter Bunny. Whomever. I love the characters. But I hate and will not EVER manipulate your behavior by threatening you. No, "You better be good or Santa won't bring you any presents!" or "Uh oh. . . Santa is watching you! He's going to skip our house because you are being so bad!" I want you to know that people give you presents because they want to, not because of who you are. (So when you are older, don't act a certain way because you think people will like you more or give you want you want). I want you to be sweet because you want us to be happy and have a good time together, not because you want something out of it. It sends completely the wrong message. I only wish I could keep OTHER people from saying it to you, too!
I could and will make lots of notes on your good behavior, though. . . just so you know I am noticing. "Look how happy Sophia is when you play so nicely with her!" "That is so helpful when you clean up your messes so I don't have to do it all!"
