Target Nurse-In

This isn't something I would normall post on my blog, but this woman response to people's negative comments about Target's Nurse-In (this morning and 10am) was so perfect and so exactly what I think and feel, I felt like I had to share.

"Meg Hower:

Because I am a very modest person, prior to my son's birth, I would have generally agreed with those who felt that at a minimum moms nursing in public should cover up or find a discreet location, or maybe just pump a bottle. I was OK with breastfeeding in public, but it made me feel squeamish and I felt like at least mothers should try to be "modest."

Now that I have my son, and have nursed him for a year, I so wish that others could get the same education that I have gained by experience. I was wrong before, not because I was a bad person or baised against mothers, but because I was just ignorant of what was involved.

When my son was very young (first few months), I at first tried to nurse him only in private rooms when we had family over or were visiting. I quickly found that 45 minutes separate from the rest of the world, repeated every 1.5 hours, all day, every day, was enough to drive me out of my mind. I started nursing with a cover when relatives were visiting. I was a bit uncomfortable with it, but it was better than the insanity I felt creeping into my exhausted mind after so many days of self-inflicted "solitary confinement."

Even though I had started nursing with family present, I was still too uncomfortable to nurse at a public place. So I tried to pump bottles to bring with me. Anyone who has never done that just does NOT understand what it entails: buy expensive pump, buy 10,000 accessories, sterilize all tiny components, find 30 minutes when you have nothing else to do and baby is not screaming in order to pump (ha!), realize you can't pump enough in one sitting so repeat multiple times in order to produce one bottle, spend 15 minutes sterilizing all components each time, realize you pumped too close to a feeding so now you don't have enough milk for baby to nurse, freak out and give baby some formula (wait wasn't the point to avoid formula??), eventually go out shopping for a 1 hour trip (which is shorter than the time spent preparing that damn bottle by about 200%). Then endure 2-3 days of baby biting your nipple when he/she nurses because they've switched to a shallow latch from the bottle.

Didn't take long for me to say screw it and, when truly desperate, try to find places to nurse as discreetly as possible in public. As a result I've endured the nastiest most unsanitary back rooms that no reasonable adult would ever think to eat a sandwich in, let alone feed an infant in. And often that was only after 10 tense minutes with a screaming infant while I ran around the store begging an associate to tell me where a room was that I could please use.

These things that seem so easy to suggest - pump a bottle before you go out! just nurse in the bathroom! - they are huge HUGE burdens for nursing moms. What you may think is a reasonable suggestion, I have learned the hard way, is in fact a barrier to breastfeeding. And those need to be broken down. The top health officials and medical experts and even political leaders in our country are calling for measures to reduce barriers to breastfeeding. THAT is why it is important for mothers to push back against what is truly a social barrier to breastfeeding. Otherwise it stacks the odds against moms who are already struggling with the knowledge of how easy it would be to just say screw it and grab a bottle of formula, to the detriment of their child's health, in order to placate a stranger's perceived discomfort."

Amen sista!!! To see the original comment and article, go here

Potty Training!

I can't believe my baby girl is almost 2. Holy cow. And as many of you know, #2 (as in BABY #2) will be here in another 5+ months. Sometimes between now and then, we're hoping to get Isabelle not only potty trained, but into her big girl bed.

First, we're starting with the potty. And you know me, I've been reading up on potty training strategies. You know how I LOOOOVE to label everything. My sister already seems to have a good technique down, and then when I found one similar I was convinced. So - hopefully - starting on Wednesday we will be using Julie Fellom's Diaper Free Toddlers program and have Isabelle potty trained in 3 days or less. (Sounds too good to be true, right?) First, being "potty trained" doesn't mean Isabelle will be accident free. I'm sure she'll have some accidents. Probably lots. It's more of a "success" with potty training. I'm sure for months I will be helping her with the process, and that's normal and okay.

Fellom recommends using this program between 15-28 months, so hopefully we are right where we should be. Isabelle is definitely showing signs that she is ready; she wants to sit on the potty, likes to flush the toilet, pretend to wipe her bottom, doesn't like to be wear diapers and will potty in her diaper in private.

So here's how it works: This is a bare-bottomed method, so for 3 months after we start, Isabelle will be naked below the waist when she is home (Santa brought her some leg warmers to help keep her cozy) and will only wear loose fitting pants when she is out and about. According to Fellom, diapers and training pants undo the progress you make in potty training. When they pee, they need to feel it, and sometimes just feeling the cloth against their bottom (even if it's just panties) makes them more likely to have accidents. Plus, one reason the method is supposed to work so well is because kids this age love to be naked. They don't give a hoot about potty training. Their goal is to be naked and diaper-free, so getting rid of the diapers is incentive to potty train.

For the first 3 days, our schedule will be focused on potty training. During day 1, we will be home with Isabelle all day (which, as a busy-body, this is like torture to me, by the way). Usually the first few times you have to catch them peeing (or if your luck is bad, pooping) and you exclaim, "You're peeing!!! You're peeing!!! Let's go potty!!" and whisk them away to the toilet. We will have a special celebratory "potty dance" to celebrate Isabelle's success. Anytime she has a "hit" in the potty (even if it's just a drop), we'll do our potty dance, give high-fives, make life all happy-happy. :) Usually (SUPPOSEDLY) after 10-12 hits, kids usually get it and start to use the potty independently.

Accidents are okay, but we're not supposed to SAY, "It's okay." (Cuz. . . well it's not.) Instead, we just say in a mildly disappointed voice, "Poop/pee goes in the potty" and help her clean it up. But of course, we will not yell at her or shame her for having accidents: they WILL happen.

Before nap and bed, we will tell Isabelle to go potty (not supposed to ask b/c there is a good change they'll say no) and then diaper her for sleep.

Day 2 is pretty much the same, but we can leave the house for 1 hour AFTER she has just peed on the potty (to link using the potty with leaving the house). As I mentioned, when she is out, she will only wear loose-fitting clothing - no diapers, training pants, or underwear.

Day 3 we get 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon. Each time, using the potty just before leaving the house.

After the 3 days is up, we are supposed to expect Isabelle to usually take herself to the potty when she needs to go but may still need some help. She will remain naked below the waist for the next 3 months and only wear loose fitted clothing while out. After 3 months, underpants are "allowed" (TeeHeeHee).

So, that's it! Wish us luck!!

Christmas Reasons for the Season

My brother-in-law and sister LOVE to mock to me, "Jesus is the reason for the season"!

Ok. Yes. Christmas is, in part, to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I am Catholic, I believe in Jesus, and I was raised to believe that he is the son of God, etc, etc, etc. I think having that emphasis for children is important. It's definately more about that than about the gifts, the candy, or the pretty Christmas tree.

BUT keep in mind, that is all a belief. They call it mythology for a reason.

In my wonderful wonderful fabulous group of women I am a part of (my online Toasted and

Crunchy Mommas that are all AWESOME) all come from very diverse backgrounds. Atheists to Hard-Core Christians. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Philippians, you name it. Ranging from 22-40 years old, this group is the shit. So around Christmas, lots of interesting topics are brought up. So it got me to thinking what I believe "Christmas" is about, and what I want to teach Isabelle.

Christmas IS about Jesus's birth. (We covered that already). BUT. . .

Christmas is not just about December 25th. It's about the entire month of December. People (argue with me on this if you want) are more giving. More patient. More kind. It's about the spirit of the season that brings families and friends come together to let everyone know how much they care. Mearly saying it's about Jesus and nothing else is. . . well. . . just plain silly.

It's about Santa. Yes. We do Santa. To me, Santa represents the spirit of Christmas. Some parents think they are lying to their children, it promotes consumerism, is not part of the original Christmas story. . . I couldn't disagree more. It is okay, and IMPORTANT, for children to live out and explore

fantasies. Santa Claus, Cinderella, Fairies and Unicorns. It's healthy. It encourages them to be bold and dare to dream. At some point, many of us loose the ability to immerse ourselves in such fantasy and embrace stress and reality instead. I loved the idea of Santa growing up, and I still do. Parents will argue that Christmas can still be magical without him, but I argue that it is NOT as nearly (even by 1/2) as magical. In any stretch of the imagination. I can't imagine never writing Santa a letter or leaving him cookies on Christmas Eve. I can't imagine being fluffed of the idea that presents would magically appear under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I would've had no anticipation sneaking down the stairs at 5am wondering if Santa had come. I wouldn't have eagerly looked out my car door window every Christmas Eve coming home from Grandma's hoping I would catch a glimpse of Santa and his reindeer flying through the night sky. Ugh, how depressing! We are SO doing Santa. We will let Isabelle believe what she wants to believe and not discourage her imagination. I don't see a point in pushing a belief on her (i.e. religion) and discouraging her own beliefs - fairytale or not. "And when she has lost her belief, of course we will tell her the truth in the most gentle and sincere way possible.

"Christmas" is also about recognizing other religions and beliefs. I really want Isabelle to know about what else is out there. Of course, I'll admit this is going to take some research on my part. Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim. . . exposure and knowledge is important. I really would like to get a Menorah next year and start new traditions in our family.

Not to be negative, but just a reminder too that Christmas was originally a rather violent and sinister pagan holiday. Just sayin'. . . so Christmas isn't JUST about "Christ". It was way deeper than that.

RIE; my new love

I am a nut for online articles about things that I feel passionate about. Breastfeeding. . . organic foods. . . positive parenting. . . When I find a place that can put a bunch of things into a nutshell, it's like a candy shop.

Via the Attachment Parenting Group on Babycenter, I came across an article and then a blog about R.I.E. It stands for "Resources for Infant Educarers". So basically, it's a program developed by a lady named Magda Gerber where people (mostly parents) can go to classes, read literature, etc to learn about techniques and theories on parenting. When most people think of "Infant" they think newborn, but scientifically speaking infancy is from 4 months - 2 years old. Who knew, right? So these aren't classes on how to diaper, burp, or feed your baby. . . exactly. We (those people around these "infants") are referred to as "Educarers" because EVERYTHING we do - how we hold our baby, how we respond to her cries, how we talk to them, feed, them, CARE for them, is what develops the child's understanding for her world and how she sees herself in it. The official definition of a "Educarer" is ". . . one who educated children in a caring manner. . . The way you care for you baby is how she experiences your love." Your care is their education.

So this glorious website I found has so many articles I found. One of my favorites, which has left me to think a lot about what I say and do is Jennifer Lehr's 24 RIE Inspired Tenets. My newest ones to work on: #21, #22, #24

21) "Don't humiliate: Don't talk about your child in the third person in front of them, "You wouldn't believe what Derek did. . . ") Don't chastise him loudly in front of others. . . "

OMG. How many times have I done this? But how true is this? Sometimes I stupidly think since Isabelle isn't completing sentences herself yet, that she must not really know what I'm doing when I talk about her, but HELLOOOOO, of course she understands everything I'm saying! She follows simple instructions, listens to me all day. . . she definitely knows what I'm saying. So, we're working on that (and it's hard!). Usually my stories are stories of how cute is she is. . . does that count? I'm not really sure. So if I really can't help it and HAVE to tell the story right away, I try to include her in the conversation so we're not talking about her while she's standing right there, she's simply there to help share the story.

22) "Don't ask your child to perform: Don't ask your child to perform for you or for family, or for friends. This includes things as seemingly harmless as saying, "Can you tell me what color this is?" or asking your child to sing a song. Children should not be expected to be sources of on-demand entertainment. Likewise, don't make or even encourage them to kiss or hug you or anyone else as in "Can you give Grandma a kiss?" Physical expressions of love should come from a genuine place."

Yep. Totally do all of that. I'll admit, when I first read it I thought, "But how will she learn? And isn't affection something that shows respect?" Then I just realize it's how it's approached. Now that I've backed off however I can, I've found she is more than willing and happy to show me what she knows. This week, she loves showing me colors. "Blue!" "Green!" She is so excited, and so am I. . . which brings up that I also try to keep in mind #17, reflect rather than praise :) I also try to ask, not demand. So instead of "Can you give Grandma a kiss" it's, "Would you like to give Grandma a kiss?" or "Can Grandma have a kiss?" A request or suggestion, rather than a demand. If she doesn't want to kiss, that's okay! No forced affection. Hopefully my alternative is acceptable RIE :)

24) "Don't Label: Labeling your child anything - be it "shy" "energetic" or "a little monster" (even in jest) - gives them scripts that they then live up to."

Again, at first I thought, "a little extreme". But I ALWAYS do it. "Are you shy?" "You crazy girl!" "Oh, look at my little monkey!" And it is impossibly hard not to do. So I've instead trying to play with my wording to make sure I wasn't saying she IS that. It's almost impossible to not get comments on how "shy" she is when we come into a room. "Aww. . . Isabelle, are you shy?" "Isabelle is SO shy" etc, etc. I try to justify or correct and say something like, "Oh, she just likes to take some time to soak it all in, she's just checking things out!" When Isabelle is very rambunctious, instead of saying she's hyper or crazy, comment that, "You sure are having fun!" or "You have so much energy right now!". etc, etc. I know, initially it seems silly, but really, I don't want her growing up feeling like she IS what she's been labeled. "I'm shy, so I need to hold back and stay away from large groups." "I'm hyper, so I can run around like crazy b/c that's

what I'm expected to do." It might be subconscious, but still there. I want her to be who she really is, not who she has been TOLD she is.

With these rules, I try to make sure I don't say anything to her that I wouldn't say to a friend, and that covers lots of it. For the examples above, if I brought a friend to a party, I wouldn't explain to the guests I introduced her to that she is shy. When my husband comes to my mom's house, I don't say to him, "Give my mom a hug and a kiss!". If my friend did something I thought was stupid, I wouldn't talk about it infront of her to another friend, acting like she wasn't there; "You wouldn't believe what Julie did the other day!" On other RIE things. . . If my friend was hurt, I wouldn't tell her, "You're okay. . .". If were having lunch and she told the waiter she was finished, I wouldn't say, "Are you sure you don't want just one more bite?" Silly, right? Just trying not to be an adultist :)

You can listen to your child and respect what they have to say. Even if you don't like it. This doesn't mean they are the boss or you don't have to set limits. It just means you are letting them know that you will listen, trust, and respect them and how they feel.

Are you all warm and fuzzy now?

Updates!

Since I've just had one post on LOTS of topics, I thought I would just have a quick update post on status:

MARCH

Amber teething necklace - Yup, still using them and still swear by them. Now that Isabelle is getting her two-year molars, I've found some days when they are really bothering her, she needs 2 necklaces and her anklet all on before she seems comfortable.

Cloth diapering - Yep, still doing it. My pocket diapers kept getting compression leaks and were driving me CRAZY, so I've switched to using gDiapers (a brand; a special hybrid system) and fitted diapers w/ covers. Still loving it.

Extended Rear-Facing - Yep, she's still rear facing. Yes, I still get a hard time for it from friends and family, but I feel strongly that she is safest this way and plan on keeping her there as long as I can!

APRIL

Baby-Led Weaning - This doesn't really apply much, but yes, Isabelle does still always feed herself and I would still consider her a pretty good eater, especially for a toddler.

Signs (ASL) - Isabelle is still signing, but it has slowed down since she began talking more. She is maybe sightly behind average on talking, but way above average on communication, so I figure we're still ahead of the game. Now, she'll often sign and speak, which has made it so much easier figuring out what she is saying. If she weren't signing, there are many words I am certain I wouldn't have recognized as early. She knows over 80 signs now (WOW!) and says: Mama, Dada (and Daddy), Nana, PaPaw, Nate, Ball, Milk, More, Done, This, That, Peas, Please, Up, No, Book, Apple, Apple Sauce, Shoes, Hat, O's (as in Cheerios), Dog, Cat, Bowl, Hot, Water, can recognize and say "A", "E", "O", "S", "N", "B", "M", "I". . . I think that's most of them.

MAY

Extended Breastfeeding - Isabelle is still happily nursing, although our nursing relationship has changed a lot recently due to September being a crazy month. We took a vacation, she got sick, and I become pregnant. So we're currently working through "something" and she oftentimes doesn't want to nurse before nap and before bed, but has begun nursing more frequently during the day. I was really hoping to make it to 2 years, as the World Health Organization and UNICEF recommends, but I'm not sure how things will go once my colostrum comes in in the second trimester. If we make it through that, I've got to decide if I want to go with a slow and gentle weaning in February or start looking into tandem nursing (nursing 2). Right now, we're just taking it one day at a time. I'm sure I'll have a post on either weaning and/or tandem nursing and nursing while pregnant soon!

Discipline related posts - It's probably repetitive to say but yes, we still are going with positive parenting and it's going great.

JUNE

Do overs - Obviously, now that we're expecting #2 I'll get to put this into full-effect! I'm buying my ring sling sometime in the next 7 months and have been making arrangements to have baby bedded close-by.

AUGUST -

Organic - Same status; we buy whatever organic we can! Honestly, it's expensive, so I can't do organic 100% all of the time, so I often save the good stuff for Isabelle and Lee and I eat/drink the crappy stuff. I've probably only purchased maybe 2 lbs of non-organic meat the last 2 months and instead of eating lots of meat, we fill our diet with healthier alternatives. We still have some work to do, for sure.

Gender Roles

Wow, the more I parent, the more I start to realize how many things annoy me!

I can't stand it when I hear someone tell a little boy, "That's for girls!". Or like-wise, when someone tells a little girl she can't do something because she's a girl.

I do believe some things ARE nature. Scientifically boys statically stronger and better with their hands and machines. They see things better three-dimensionally (hence their obsession with video games). Girls are naturally more nurturing and thoughtful. But saying one this is for boys and another is for girls just peeves me off.

Inadvertently and sometimes purposefully, many parents treat their children of different sexes differently. When a boy takes a hard fall, some parents are more likely to encourage them to toughen up (even if it was

obviously painful). Whereas a girl may be coddled, soothed, and reassured. Boys are usually rough-housed a little more than their "fragile" counterparts. The genders are dressed in specific colors and offered a different set of toys. I giggle to myself a little when someone will say what a "boy" their kid is when it is obviously he is being treated in a stereotypical boy role. And that's fine. What really irks me, is when

parents try to discourage something their child finds interest in, because they don't think it's gender appropriate.

A little boy playing dress up. A girl digging in the mud with tractors. Your son wanting a play kitchen for Christmas while Suzie wants a set of Legos. Let your child take interest in whatever it is that excites them. Parental attitudes towards their children have a strong impact on the child's developing sense of self and self-esteem.

By limiting their opportunities and ignoring their talents, you are only perpetuating unfairness on our society. Studies have shown that children from androgynous homes have higher self esteem and healthier love relationships. Their children develop a sense of worth. It's about following their lead and supporting who your child wants to be, not who YOU want them to be.

I hope that Isabelle can grow up as gender neutral as possible. In our house, we have dolls and trucks. Kitchens and Kick Balls. Dresses and Overalls. Daddy loves to play rough with her, and I love sitting and cuddling. When she takes interest in something, I want it to be because it's what she is honestly interested in, not because she feels like it's what she's supposed to do or what mom and dad wants her to do. Right now, she loves to accessorize, dress up, and check herself out in the mirror. She also prefers her trucks and legos over her dolls and kitchen. Really, I just want her to be happy.

All of my babies

A friend of my recently had a post on facebook about his trouble finding a TRULY pet friendly place to live. Sadly, many apartment complexes and landlords are what I call "breedists"; people are are against certain breeds because of their presumed attitude as to how that breed is. So a pet can live there, as long as they're not on "the list".

This was the best comic I could find. . . I feel like we are back in the 1950's, with signs up as to what breed of dogs can crap where. Or doggie day-care with a sign up that reads, "No Mutts Allowed".

I'm especially bitter and sensitive to this breedism because I adopted two of "those" breeds. You know, the so-called mean ones. Cierra is a pit bull terrier mix and McKenna is a boxer mix.

Here is a picture of Cierra and Isabelle when she was only a few weeks old. She looks vicious, doesn't she? Funny thing is, I know of more people who have been bit by small bred dogs (aka "shit dogs") than large ones. And I personally find a yippie bark much more obnoxious than a big dogs bark. But maybe that's just me. But really, I have a hard time understand how a "bully breed" could be worse than a little Chihuahua or a cat. Have you seen the damage a cat can do to furniture?! And geeze. . . they've all got teeth. And bladders. And. . . other things.

I have so many people that give me shocked looks when they find out I have a pit bull and a baby. "Aren't you scared she'll hurt her?" Umm, who would do the hurting here? 'Cuz I'm certain B has done plenty of damage to poor Cierra. (Some pokes here, a tail pulling there. . . you know, typical toddler stuff).

I take pet ownership very seriously. Just ask my husband. And besides, we don't OWN them. . . we adopted them. They are our babies, our family. Sure, having 2 dogs, 1 rabbit, and 1 toddler is hard work. Some days are exhausting. But. . . some days are amazing. B really loves them, and they are great with her. They are her playmates, and truly our best friends.

So, why do they have such a bad rap? (Pit bulls in particular)

Pits were bred for their fighting ability, so people assume that that's all they do. But many pit bulls work as ambassadors for their breed, working as therapy dogs and completing search and rescue for local police and fire stations. They can do so much more than what people want to believe. Any dog who gets proper socialization as a puppy is likely to grow up into a dog who is great with other dogs. And people fail to realize that pit bulls were ALSO bred to be trustworthy and friendly towards people. Even fighting dogs lived in their owner's homes and were nicknamed "nursemaid's dog" because they were so reliable with young children. They are naturally loyal, loving companions.

Yes, pit bulls do tend to have an intimidating appearance, which is appealing to people looking for personal protection or a macho status. Unfortunately, some people in turn will actually ENCOURAGE their dog to act aggressively to maintain that tough image. And when they do bite, their strong jaws tend to do more damage because of their size and strength. That coupled with media eager for entertainment means that a pit pull bite is far more likely to draw media attention. No one wants to hear about a Golden retriever biting; pit pulls are just more exciting and get better coverage. Come to think of it, same goes for dolphins and sharks! Hmmm, how interesting.

Pit Bull Terriers love attention. They can never spend enough time with you. Cierra wants to be where we are every second of every day. When we have company over, keeping her in a separate room is out of the question because it would completely destroy her. She LOVES company. They are known to be able to adapt to any lifestyle. . . as long as you are there.

They also are major cuddlers. Cierra has mastered the art of finding the warmest, most comfortable spot to nap (and would prefer it to be on you). They are surprisingly clean because of their short fur and lack of an undercoat. If you're looking for a forever friend. . . maybe you should look into adopting a pit. . .

Parenting Myths

Parenting comes along with all kinds of styles, opinions, and philosophies as to what to do and what not to do. Some are just plain lies and honestly, they really annoy me. So I need to get it off my chest to separate fact from reality.

1. Children Misbehave

As adults. . . and humans. . .we tend to label behavior as "bad" or "good". So when a child does a behavior that WE see as bad, we say they are misbehaving. Setting aside the fact that we would never say an adult is misbehaving ("One of our guests misbehaved at our dinner party last night!"), we also fail to recognize that children are merely engaging in an activity solely for the purpose of getting a need met. They aren't MIS-behaving, they are simply engaging in a certain behavior that we don't accept. They are just DOING. Existing. Reacting. When we see it that way, it's more difficult to label "good" and "bad". That doesn't mean you have to accept it, just UNDERSTAND it. When parents understand this concept, it's much easier to understand and appreciate the logic behind gentle discipline and non-power alternatives.

2. You must let your child cry-it-out or neither of you will ever get any sleep.

You just don't have to do it. Babies cry for a reason, even if it's purely emotional and not physical (diaper is clean, belly is full, etc). See alternatives to CIO here.

3. Not weaning your baby from breastfeeding will lead to cavities.

Besides evidence against "bottle-rot" anyways, Early Childhood Caries (ECC) is actually the disease that causes tooth decay in young children and has nothing to do with being bottle OR breast fed. Besides that, breastfed babies have a different mechanism for nursing with the nipple at the back of the mouth, not allowing for breast milk to pool around the teeth. Plus, breastfed babies are less likely to develop ECC so keep on boob-feedin'!

4. Giving a baby cereal will help them sleep better.

In fact, some sleep worse due to reactions with the formula or other solids, especially if they baby is under 6 months. A baby's digestive system isn't mature enough to handle solids, and giving them too early (before 6 months) can decrease their protection from illness, allergies, and anemia.

5. You must feed babies "baby food" (aka purees).

Yeah. . . what a giant waste of money. And glass & plastic (those stupid little jars) for that matter. See alternatives here.

6. Sugar causes hyperactivity and poor behavior.

A) See #1. :) But on a more scientific note, this is SOOOO not true. And I hate when kids aren't at their best and parents are quick to blame sugar. Research has proven there is no link between sugar and inattention or hyperactivity. Parents fail to realize the circumstances behind the behavior. Like, for example, MAYBE they're acting crazy because they're wound up from running around with friends all day and missing a nap? Their minds automatically go back to the last treat they ate instead of other circumstances that might have influenced the behavior. In studies, parents who were told their child had sugar, when in fact they hadn't, would perceive a difference in behavior that is not even there. In other words, parents are delusional. Fact of the matter is, if your child's behavior is disrupting family life or affecting performance in school, it's likely a symptom of a bigger problem. Not sugar.

Switching to Organic

When B was nearing the 1-year mark, I started reading up on the myths of cows milk. After all, it seemed strange to me that we are the only animals that drink milk past childhood AND from animals of a different species. After all, you don't see us drinking rats milk. Or a dog drinking cat milk. When I researched into it, I found that the average glass of non-organic milk contains considerable amounts of hormones (injected into the cows to help them increase their supply), antibiotics (to prevent against infections, since most cows develop mastitis from their bodies unnaturally producing such large quantities of milk), blood and pus. Yes. . . pus. From the infected milk ducts. As a nursing mother, just reading this made my ta-tas hurt. Not to mention calves being taken from their mothers within a day of being born so WE can have THEIR milk (while the calves are then fed an artificial formula) made this mild "lactivist"'s heart break just a bit.

So okay; Non-organic cow's milk is now a giant turn off. The Oprah came on with the episode about "Food, Inc." I'm realizing as I type that everything I have to say may really, really gross out some people. Because, lets face it. . . it's gross! The food industry has begun to mass-produce and in the meantime, has become irresponsible in their farming practices. I'll admit that I do [kind of] want to gross you out and inspire you to eat organic, but I also want you to keep reading. So instead of harping on why non-organic is bad, let's just list why organic is good. Why I'm going to try with every ounce of myself to only buy organic beef and dairy. And just know if it's on the list, non-organic does NOT do it this way.

1. Organic farmers don't feed their animals anything but organic foods; grains, grass, hay. . . things cows and chickens are MEANT to eat, free of pesticides and other chemicals. They receive NO animal by-products, (aka ground up remains of the same species). Because of this, when you eat organic you never have to worry about contracting Hoof and Mouth or BEC disease. Which, by the way, the USDA only tests one HALF of a percent of cows for this disease whereas most other counties (like Japan, Germany, and France) test nearly 100%.

2. Cows and chickens raised as certified organic are not confined to small pins, but instead (as a regulation) have free access to open pastures and sunlight.

3. Organic meats have no growth hormones. An organic chicken takes twice the amount of time to grow than a factory chicken. They are actually able to roam around, WALK, and just be a chicken.

4. Since organic-raised animals get to get out into the fresh air, they remain naturally healthy. They aren't crowded and standing in (and eating) feces. They receive no antibiotics to help "protect" them from their unsanitary, un-natural living conditions.

5. Organic farms use 70% less energy than factory farms. Because they don't use pesticides, our ground-water is preserved. An added bonus; organic farming practices also builds top-soil and prevents erosion.

6. Organic meat TASTES BETTER! I was a major sceptic to this. I though meat was meat. But it's not! The chicken is juicier and more flavorful. The beef is leaner and tastier. I'm not the worlds best cook, but my dishes taste good even if I screw it up!

Yes, because of these strict regulations organic meat does cost more, but by eating more nutritious & healthy food, we don't need to have it 5-7 times a week. We can buy 3-4 pounds to last us 2 weeks and not be out much more money. I can supplement our diet with many other protein alternatives, and in the meantime we will feel better because we are eating better. It's really a win-win.

So. . . when are YOU going to go organic?

Breastfeeding Awareness

*I apologize, my spell check is dead. Excuses the typos*

August 1-7 is Breastfeeding Awareness week. So, of course, I have to have [another] Breast-feeding post!

I don't even remember what we were talking about, but last week I mentioned "Breastfeeding Awareness" to my dear husband and he said to me, "What?! How can people be 'aware' of breastfeeding?! Everyone knows it exisits." Haha. . . oh, the words of a man.

Obviously, we're not talking about letting the world know about Breastfeeding. Although it's nothing new to society, and infact has been around since. . . well, forever. . . it's amazing -- no -- shocking - astounding - inconceivable - how little people actually KNOW about Breastfeeding. You know me, of course I went on to elaborate (probalby more than he would've liked) about how more women need support, how most of the general public doesn't understand all of the benefits of breastfeeding, how awareness means so much more than just spreading the word "Hey ya'll, breastfeed your kids!!"

Here are a few of my favorite things I think people should know about Breastfeeding:

1. It is the preferred and reccomending way of feeding infants from the Amarican Academy of Pediatrics, American Dietetic Association, World Health Organization, UNICEF and many others well-recognized Organizations.

2. Breastmilk is easier to digest than formula. It is cheaper (MUCH) than formula. It contains antibodies that formula is missing and comes in a much nicer package.

3. Breastfeeding is good for mom, too. It shirnks mother's uterus after childbirth, promotes weight loss, decreases the risk for breast, ovarian, endometrial, and many other cancers.

4. Breastfed babies have higher I.Q.'s Seriously, look it up. Scientific fact. They also have great skin, better speech development, less spit-up and not-so-stinky poo. And they never have to be put on laxatives b/c formula is making them poop rocks.

5. Breastfeeding satisfies baby's emotions needs and increases bonding between mother and baby. This is an indescribable thing. Breastfeeding forces you to take the time to relax, hold your baby, stare into their eyes, focus entirely on them and really truely connect. Nothing is more powerful than the power of touch; being held; being loved.

6. Breast milk provides perfect infant nutrition. In fact, a pre-term infant will even receive milk specially designed for premature babies. Breastmilk also always contains the right proportions of fat, carbohydrates, and protein, changing as the needs of the child changes. No formula can do that. Our boobs are THAT GOOD.

7. Breastfed babiesare less likely to develop diabetes, obesity, allergies, asthma, ear infections, diarrheal infections, bacterial meningitis, respiratory infections, childhood cancers, rheumatoid arthritis, Hodgkins. . . etc, etc. The list goes on and on. Basically, Breastfed babies are just healthier! Which means frewer doctor visits and saving even more money!

8. Formula costs the government (and taxpayers) millions of dollars. The US government spends more than 2.5 million dollars a year to provide formula to children of non-breastfeeding mothers participating in the WIC suppliemental food program. Not to mention the costs of caring for those infants who are statistically much more likely to get sick. According the the AAP, higher breastfeeding rates could save US health care around $3.6 billion a year!

9. Breastfeeding is easier. It's always the right temperature. It's always available. It's always free of bacteria and you never have to worry about the water supply. And you also never have to worry about the latest ingredient discovered to be missing from formula (or in the recent case, added too)

10. Breastfeeding is a natural pain reliever for baby. Breastmilk contains endorphins to suppress pain and is a instant soother. Also, for sick children, human milk is the perfect remedy. For gastrointestional ailments it's naturally soothing to the intestine (no need for artifical and expensive electrolye solutions) and for respiratory illness, breastmilk not only contains antibodies but also doesn't have the components to cause excess mucous formation like formula does.

There ya go. Hope you are all Breastfed-Aware Now :)

My cute baby girl

<--last week in the sprinkler

I just needed a post to brag about B's cuteness.

Sometimes, I think she might be the happiest baby on the planet. She is laughing ALL the time. No wonder I love spending all day with her; she's amazing! She can take a giant tumble on the pavement and hardly put up a fuss. (No joke, just happened last month. Blood and all.)

<----16 months

I read about moms dealing with tantrums as young as 8 months. "EIGHT MONTHS?!" I thought. Thank goodness, our tantrums have been held at bay so far. Even when she's upset and has a mini-fit, she's cute. She jumps up and down and grunts, usually looses her balance and falls and then laughs at herself. Fit over. Life is good again.

She loves to make people laugh and will do whatever it takes to keep their attention. She's really into slap-stick comedy, it's hilarious.

She has the biggest, best smile on the plant. It lights up the entire block.

Dancing is her forte. Man can she shake it. Add some spinning into the mix and it's a giant bundle of cuteness. And now, she even likes to dote around the house with a microphone so she can let the world know, "I'm HERE!!!" She started mimicking dancing on TV and will try to mock the motions of "Super Why!" and "Happy Feet". Cute, cute.

She loves EVERYBODY. Of course she'll play shy at first, but really it's just to keep their attention; keep them doting over her, telling her how cute/sweet/pretty she is. Men especially are her favorites. If any of daddy's buddies are over, or Uncle Scott is around. . . PaPaw, Uncle Bubby, PopPop. . . forget mom. She's got some men to win over.

B LOVES to give kisses. She'll kiss anything. Yesterday, I caught her trying to kiss an ant. No joke. She'll hug and kiss almost every stuffed animal she comes across, and I think that's the only thing she likes about saying Good-Bye; she gets to give kisses to everyone. She is SO unbelievably full of love it's, well. . . unbelievable. She was giving awesome hugs as soon as she was old enough to grab hold.

<--- visiting with friends

She walks cute. She talks cute. She sleeps cute. She is just So. Darn. Cute.

Changing Who I Am

I think I've been wanting to post about this but avoiding it at the same time for at least a few months now.

I used to have THE dream job. Or MY dream job. For years I worked my butt off - often for free - to get the opportunity to get to swim with dolphins and get paid for it. I literally would cry over the thought of how happy my life would be if I could ever have the opportunity to nuzzle up to a walrus mustache or dance with a sea lion. My life with animals began the moment I came out of the womb. I decided I wanted to work with animals when I was maybe 4 and my uncle took me to the zoo and I spent hours in front of the baboons. At 10, I went to SeaWorld for the first time and remember talking to the trainer after the Clyde and Seymor show to find out how I could do that. When I was 11, I had my first job at a horse stable. When I was 16, I got my first job at the local pet store. At 19 I decided to major in biology and started volunteering at the zoo. At 20 I had my first job as a zookeeper. 21 my first marine mammal internship (unpaid) at the Dolphin Connection in the spring, and the Indianapolis Zoo in the summer. At 22 I went to the Dolphin Reasearch Center to volunteer. And just before turning 23, I finally landed my dream job. I was beyond ecstatic. I screamed. . . and cried. . . it was definitely one of the happiest moments in my life EVER.

<---Me and my all time favorite, Pepper

So to sum it up, I worked damn hard to get that job. There are 14 marine mammal trainer jobs in the ENTIRE state of Indiana. At the time, there would MAYBE be one position open up every year or two. That job was my LIFE. Those animals -- were my life. The trainers were like family. Together, we were taking care of some incredibly amazing animals. It was our job and our responsibility to make sure that they were happy, healthy, well fed, properly medicated, clean. . . you name it. It's like having 20 children. Your entire existence is to be there for them. And it was amazing.

I had also always seen myself as a mother. So maybe that's why I've always loved taking care of things. . . it's just what I do. When I had B and it was time to go back to work, it was much harder to decide than I thought it would be. Isabelle was my baby. . . but so were the animals at the zoo! I didn't want to miss out on them. I wanted to be there when Nova had her baby. I wanted to be there to train Pepper all kinds of new things. I wanted to be apart of the excitement when anything happened that involved any of those wonderful animals.

When it came down to it, what made my decision was kind of a pessimistic view; I thought to myself, "Which would you rather regret?" In other words, would it be more upsetting to me to regret missing out on something in B's life, to to regret missing out on something at the zoo. Well obviously, that was a no-brainer.

When I was having trouble in my decision, one of the best trainers I've ever known said to me that I need to figure who I am. Is my career as a trainer WHO I AM? If I stay at home, will I loose a part of who I am? To be a good mom, you have to be true to yourself and be happy to bring that happiness home to your children. And she was right.

But I realized that what I am is a mom. And if I stayed at work, I couldn't be the mom that I wanted to be. It would be like half-assing it; and I don't like to half-ass things. I wanted to be there for ALL of the holidays. I wanted to share in traditions. I wanted to be the one to take my daughter on "field trips" and to the park and to the pool and where ever else she wanted to go. I wouldn't be okay with missing a soccer game or not being able to be the girl scout leader b/c I was too busy with work. I wanted to raise her full-time; not just when I was off the clock.

<--with my nephew, 8 months prego in a show

I left the zoo to stay at home with B on July 31, 2010. Over the past year+, I realize that who I was a year ago is such a different person than who I am today. For so long, the zoo was my life, and I DO feel like I'm loosing a part of it, a part of me, every day. But, I also realize how much I have gained in the past year from being home with B. Being a different person doesn't have to be a bad thing. I try to go in to the zoo to volunteer as much as I can and get my "fix". . . and get a little piece of that part of me back. . . but in the meantime, I just love being a mom. And it's pretty great.

Do overs.

I'm NOT making any announcements, but lately I've been thinking a lot about what I would do differently and what I would do the same should there be a baby #2. Here is goes.

Top Five things I'd do differently:

1. Wear her more often. As in baby wearing. As in slings, carrying her around, koala baby. I didn't discover Attachment Parenting until B was about 9 months old, and although I did wear her on occasion, it was more of for convenience than as a lifestyle. It just makes more sense. Babies who are worn feel closer to mom, are "at home" and more easily comforted, plus mom remains hands-free and can do whatever she needs to do; go shopping, do laundry, fix dinner.Studies also show babies who are worn speak sooner because they are always with an adult and close to their mouth where they can hear and SEE what they are saying. Not to mention I would be able to go about my business where ever I am and still be able to breastfeed while baby #2 is in the sling without anyone being able to tell. Awesome!

2. Co-sleep. I was so worried if I ever let Isabelle sleep in bed with me (or anywhere not in her crib) that she would never sleep alone. And maybe that's true. She WAS a pretty good sleeper and maybe it's because she was in the crib from day 1.But after reading about all of the benefits of co-sleeping, it's definitely something I'd like to heavily consider with baby #2. Co-sleeping is easier because you don't have to get up, walk down the hall, sit in the rocker and feed your baby. Co-sleeping babies have better oxygen levels, breathing rates, and healthier sleep cycles than a baby that sleeps alone. Children who share sleep with their parents have been shown to be more independent than their peers. Yes, we may have a sleeping buddy for another 3-6 years, but really. . . is that so bad? If nothing else, I'd like to at least do it for the first 3 months. At least. I'd always heard so many bad things about co-sleeping, it's been enlightening to hear when done safely, how great it can be!

3. Sleep training. Wish I'd known about what a REAL baby is like and learned to embrace it from the beginning. I spent way too much time and energy trying to make sure she didn't have any sleep associations, trying to get her on a schedule, and trying to "help" her to learn to fall asleep on her own. I still feel guilty for the one day I let Isabelle cry alone in her room. 30 minutes in and we were both hysterical, shaking anxiously, and emotionally hurting. I don't know about her, but I'm certainly scarred for life! Thank God I've read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and can now cuddle, nurse, love, hold, rock, whatever, my baby to sleep for as long as I want and as much as I want and know I can eventually, when we are ready, GENTLY help her learn better sleep habits without ever having to let her cry-it-out.Glad I don't have to go through that mess again!

4. This is so not crunchy of me. . . but baby #2 I'm getting an epidural sooner. The 2 hours of intense labor with B isn't something I want to experience again. I don't tolerate pain well. Now I know why other moms would always snicker and/or roll their eyes when I told them I wanted to try to go without. Props to those of you super strong women who do!

5. Take off the full 12 weeks. I had my first wedding 6 weeks after B was born. Then at 8. That was too soon. I deserved a longer break, I just pushed out at 8lb 10oz baby!!

Diaper/Necklace Update

We are now about 4 months into cloth diapering. Since I was still pretty new at it when I first posted, I though I would update how it's going.

I. Love. It.

That's right. Something about it is so addicting. Well. . . lets face it, those dipes are freekin' adorable #1. And there is something so rewarding about using reusing them, saving the money, and having something warm and fuzzy (not plastic and filled w/ chemicals) on my baby's butt. We've had a few gross poos to clean. . . but surprisingly, nothing that didn't come out easily in the wash. I'm not sure how I would've done if I would've started cloth diapering when she was a newborn. There was so many other things to learn at the time. . . but baby #2, I'm definitely thinking it's a go.

And the amber teething necklace. . .

Also. . . I. Love. It.

I was a little sceptical about it's true powers. Yes, she started sleeping through the night and showed remarkable improvement when we first got it, but I'd also been working really really hard on that with Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" techniques, so I didn't want to give the necklace ALL of the credit. Well, 7 days ago I lost the necklace. In only 1 day, she started waking at night again. And her naps got shorter. One night, she woke three times, which she hasn't done in a really really long time. I kept putting off ordering a new necklace thinking I was being silly. . . then broke down. And then of course that night I found her original necklace, strapped it on, and after 4 hours, she started sleeping through the night again. It works. I also read it's not effective on 20% of the population for one reason or another so if you read this and go out and buy one and it DOESN'T work. . . don't curse me. But seriously, if you have a baby, you can find them on eBay for around $12. Just a bottle of ibuprofen is $8 and you run out of that crap pretty quickly with teething. The necklace will literally last a lifetime.

Delivery Day

For some reason, I feel like pregnancy and delivery has been everywhere I look recently. Pregnant friends, new job ventures, crazy movie trailers. Okay. . . and I'm kind of obsessed with all things baby, so it's not like I ever STOP thinking about it. Nevertheless. . .

Even though B was born just a mere 16 months and 3 weeks ago, I am already starting to forget some of the details. And since this blog is for her to look back at, too, I thought documenting that day might be an exciting thing to reminisce down the road. So. . . here we go!

It's important to the story to mention that I had crazy contractions throughout the majority of my pregnancy. Like. . . from 14 weeks on. Around 36 weeks, I started having "pre-labor" contractions. When they started, I was sure I was in labor. I was having contractions every 7-9 minutes for HOURS. The doctor explained the "pre-labor" nature. . . and said I could go into labor anytime. . . or they could just fade. They faded. And returned the next day. And the next. And the next. For the next month, I had these pre-labor contractions every day from about 2pm-9pm.

Another important details was my career at the time. I was a marine mammal trainer. My doctor was very much into pregnant women doing everything they would normally do (keeps you healthy!) so she put me on no restrictions. (Although I admit I did get a few restrictions from my family doctor. I refused to lift more than 50 lbs and didn't want to work with polar bears in zero degree temps surrounded by slippery ice all day). So every day, I was doing lots of lifting, running around, and living the crazy life of a typical zookeeper. So really, it's no surprise that the stresses of the job MAY HAVE caused some intense contractions. All day. And by 8 or 9pm, my body recouped from the day and the contractions stopped. Joy.

So after 4 weeks of these "pre-labor" contractions, I was about at my wits end. Around 39 weeks, I would several trips home from work crying because I was a) hormonal and b) so freekin' uncomfortable and exhausted. February 4th, the day before B's due date, I was driving home, trying not to cry telling my sister about my continued contractions, with her again telling me over and over, "Just go to the hospital!" The worst they could do was send me home.

I'm all for babies coming when they are ready. I don't like the idea of forcing anything unnaturally. So every night my sister told me to go to the hospital, I put it off, suffered through another day, and went on. I called her (and my mom) again at 9:30 when the contractions hadn't stopped. Lee had just fixed me a delicious dinner of meatloaf, potatoes, carrots, and crescent rolls, and I wasn't the least bit interested in eating it. I called the doctor. She didn't think I was in labor, but when she heard me continue to go on and on an on about my discomfort, she told me to go ahead and go in and see what happened.

So - dinner uneaten - we packed up and headed out. When we got there they took my blood pressure and found it was high. I can't remember exactly how high. . . I think it fluctuated from around 120/80 to 100/60? Do those numbers even make sense? I just remember the first number never got below 100. . . So, it was official; I got to stay!

I can't remember exactly where I was as far as dilation/effacement. . . I just remember it was higher than my last OB appointment from 2 days ago. I think it was about 4.5cm and 80% effaced. But I had been at 3.5-4cm and 60-75% effaced since 32 weeks, so that didn't really mean much to me, except that MAYBE I really was in labor and progressing somewhere. After a month of this pre-labor stuff, I wasn't really sure of anything anymore.

They hooked me up to all of their gadgets. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I don't remember what time the doctor came in. . . maybe 11pm? She said I was still contracting regularly -- about every 3-5 minutes, but she couldn't tell if I was really in labor. My BP was still high. She asked about pitocin, which I didn't want. . . so she broke my water instead. Then all hell broke loose.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't tolerate pain well. But this was child birth and for one reason or another I wanted to "experience" it. I wanted to at least TRY to go without. My sister (a super-hero) had her second drug free, so I figured why not give it a shot? So I declined when the nurse offered and she told me to be sure I gave a 15 minute warning if I did decide I wanted it, because it would take time for the anesthesiologist to come down. Ok. I can do that.

I honestly don't remember how much time passed between that moment and when I decided I wanted an epidural. Maybe a few hours? They intensified VERY quickly, to the point where they were only a few minutes apart and I was hurting enough that I couldn't stand. Walking to the bathroom was out of the question; I knew if I had a contraction mid-walk I would probably fall over. People say it is like pain you've never known. . . they were so right! So right, it makes me laugh just thinking about how clueless most average, non-moms are about it all. So anyways, I was done. I told the nurse I was ready for my drugs.

15 minutes came and went. When you are hurting, every minute feels like hours. Well, that's obviously exaggerating, but time DEFINITELY goes much much slower. Then it was 30 min. Then 45. Then 60. I sent my sister out to find out what was going on. Apparently, me and 4 or 5 (or was it 7 or 8?) other women all decided they all wanted to have a baby and an epidural at the same time. . . so I had a line to wait in. Once again, another detail slipped my mind, because I can't remember how long it was before the anesthesiologist finally showed up. I think just over 2 hours, but maybe that's exaggerating. (Like walking up a hill 5 miles both ways in the snow to get to school). Either way, I was so far gone by the time that lady finally walked in.

When you get an epidural you're supposed to sit completely still, which seems practically impossible when you are literally writhing in pain. But I got it and WOW was it amazing. I managed to then get a few hours of sleep between 3am-6am.

The nurse came to check on me at 6am and I was 10cm and ready to go. (Wonder how long I'd been there?!) We waited for my doctor to come in for the day at 7am and got started pushing.

B started crowning pretty quickly. I was so excited; she's finally coming!! My little chunker was blessed with her momma's big head, though. And it didn't want to come through.

Two hours into pushing, the Dr. Priddy (my doctor) told me that we could try the suction. If that didn't work, we needed to look into a sectarian. I'd been pushing for 2 hours on 3 hours of sleep, so i was exhausted, but the thought of just ripping her out of me after all of that trouble was devastating. I'm into statistics, so I asked her if she did use the suction, how often would she say it is successful. She said 9 times out of 10. I felt good about those odds, so we went with it.

Suction #1 didn't work. I held back tears and Dr. Priddy could probably tell I really didn't want a C-section. . .so we tried pushing again w/o tools. And then suction again. And more pushing. Once again - not sure how many times we went back and forth, but enough times to get us to over 3 hours of pushing. We gave it another go, I got my epsiotomy, and she was FINALLY out.

My 8lb 10oz bundle of joy was finally here! She was healthy. . . had all 10 fingers and toes. . . and was overall just perfect. She took to nursing right away (my biggest worry) with some help from the nurse helping her get her first latch. It was amazing.

When I tell the story, it sounds really awful. But it really wasn't. When I was in the middle of it, I was just so excited, I really didn't mind it all. I even remember thinking, "This isn't as bad as I thought it'd be!" It was all worth it times 100. Yes, it was more pain than I could've ever imagined. . . which I know I had heard, but really. . . you have no idea until you give birth yourself. Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, I was sore for a long time. I also developed severe anemia and it took several weeks before I felt like myself again. But what I got for it -- my baby girl -- I would do it 50 times all over again and it would STILL be worth it.

Looking back, I sometimes still wonder if I really was in labor or not. How much longer would I have had contractions? Would they have eventually stopped. . . just maybe not until the next morning? I feel guilty about having my water broken and rushing B into the world. The crunchy side of me. . . and I wonder if she would've popped out at 1 hour of pushing instead of 3 if I would've gotten an episotomy sooner (Me and Dr. Priddy had discussed my episotomy fears at previous appointments).

The suction did leave a bump on her head that later scabbed, but it healed normally and I never noticed any problems from it. The day I was discharged from the hospital was Superbowl Sunday, and also the day I got a call from work that Sundance, a dolphin I worked closely with who had been suffering from illness, passed away. With all of my hormones. . . I was hysterical. So that really put a damper on the day. . . week. . . month. . . but having a sweet baby to hold surely made it easier. We had a rough first night home. All she wanted to do was nurse and would only sleep in 15 min increments. But it got easier. And easier. And maybe a little harder. But easier again eventually.

Like I've said before, being a mother is amazing. Just as much as you don't understand the pain until you experience it, you also can't understand the love you will feel until you are holding that little baby in your arms. It truly is the most amazing feeling you will ever feel in the world. However, if baby #2 could come out a LITTLE bit faster. . . I wouldn't be complaining.

Birth video: (PG, I promise)
http://youtu.be/IEGMD4GyMSI

Timing "In"

I'm sure you have all heard of Time-out. Who hasn't? Your toddler does something you don't like, so you tell at them that whatever they are doing is wrong, and plop them in Time-Out. You might even suggest to them that they "think about what they've done". Which all sounds good and dandy until you realize that you are putting a pissed off toddler into a place, withdrawn from everybody to think about what he's done, when all he is REALLY going to do is think about how horrible you are and how unfair it is because he isn't even old enough to have the mental capacity to be able to contemplate this past actions. All he just learned is don't hit Tommy when mommy is around instead of don't hit Tommy because it hurts. It is merely turning his action to be about HIM, and it's not about him, it's about Tommy. Personally, I don't want my kid to hit b/c of how it makes the other person feel, not because he just doesn't want to get into trouble. Not to mention you are essentially telling your child, "I will only love you when you are good and act the way I want you to act." Anger, fear, jealousy because "bad" emotions that children shouldn't have and are punished for having them. You are withdrawing your love -- giving them conditional love. I love you when you are happy/sweet/loving, not angry/frustrated/jealous. It's punitive, causes shame, and is all about how bad you can make the child feel. Sound extreme? Sure. But even though that might not be how you feel you are acting, it's about how THEY feel about it. So if they feel like mommy doesn't love me UNLESS. . . that's all that matters.

Okay, obviously, I'm not a fan of Time-Outs. I could go on and on. We'll save that for another day (Yay! Right?!). Let's think of the opposite of Time-Out; Time-IN.

The idea of Time-In is to have a tool to help center and calm your child when they need it. First, you need a place. Some parents have an entire corner designated to Time-In's with some comfy pillows, books, blankets. . . others merely have a certain chair or couch they may use. Really, you can go ANYWHERE. Then, all you need is you and all that motherly love you've got just beaming inside of you. (Hehehe). Let's be honest about it; kids can easily be over-stimulated. And toddler especially have a hard time coping with all of the new emotions they are feeling. So whenever something is going on when you feel your child might need to "regroup", that's when you use the time in. The two of you go over there together, sit down, snuggle, read books, talk. . . whatever. Reconnect. Center. CALM THE F*#% DOWN. It helps children develop an emotional intelligence, increased self-awareness, and a positive self-esteem.

Let's try a similar scenario. I'll make it a girl this time as to not be sex-biased. Let's say Sally is playing with a friend (we'll call her Katie) and gets frustrated over *whatever* and throws her toy at Katie. Traditional parenting would say, "We don't throw things at people!" and put her in TO. Instead, you approach Sally, reach out and say, "Come on, let's have some time-in together". If they've been practicing time-ins, chances are she'll accept her invitation, you can carry her away from the chaos, and find a place to sit and cuddle. If it's a nursing toddler, it's also a great time to nurse. After a few minutes. . . or however long it takes. . . Sally is feeling better - you know, she's got that warm and fuzzy feeling -- and she gets up to explore. She may go back to play and if she does, you know her batteries are recharged and she is at a much better mental state to go back to playing. All is Well.

What if you have the resistant toddler? That's okay, too. Time-In is an invitation, nothing that is forced (unless you have to do so for the safety of your toddler or someone else). You can sit on the ground between the two children and begin the time-in process right there.

Some people might argue that time-in are rewarding bad behavior. These aren't dogs. For any human, aggression feels unpleasant, so it's not like they'll think, "Wow, I threw my toy and mommy came over to cuddle with me!" Ideally, you want your kids to know that they can get love, affection, and attention anytime they need it. Poor behavior due to the need for attention is another problem entirely and the behavior is merely a symptom of an unmet need (love and affection). Time-In's are simply being kind and compassionate to your child to help him learn more appropriate ways to deal with his frustrations, while still letting him know that it's okay and normal to feel that way sometimes. Kapeesh?

Spoiled Sweet

I hate it when people say, "Don't do that - you're spoiling her!"

Okay, there are some cases when "spoiling" could be a problem. A child who gets every toy they want, whenever they want it, for example. And really, I think material things are really the only good example I can think of.

When babies are very small, you hear that a lot when they cry. Thank goodness I never did, or I probably would've ripped someone a new one. And I'm not talking about sleep training, here. I'm talking about. . . when your 8 month old is crying because he wants held and another adult tries to tell you not to pick her up because that will "spoil" her. That by picking her up, she is manipulating you do fall victim to her every wish and desire. And then they wonder why their 10 month old is so clingy and having issues with separation anxiety. Babies need to feel secure, attached, and loved. Like my mom always told me, "There is no such thing as spoiling a baby!"

So once B turned one I thought I would stop hearing that. Ohhh no. Since when is meeting your child's emotional needs defined as spoiling? I understand they they need boundaries and limitations. But if I let her nurse when she wants to nurse, that's not spoiling her. I'm feeding her. If she wants picked up and I pick her up, that's not spoiling her. That's being a loving mother. If she wants me to read her a book for the 100th time and I read it, I'm not spoiling her. I'm being active in her learning. If she wants to walk instead of ride in the stroller and I let her walk, I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her exercise and be independent. If she refuses to sit in her highchair for dinner and I don't force her, I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her trust her own hunger cues. Ifwe go into a crowded room and I let her cling to me for 15 min (or 20 or 30 or 40) I'm not spoiling her. I'm letting her find comfort in me so that she can find her own independence when she is developmentally ready.

Really. . . the list could go on and on. I believe that babies are are cared for from birth on will grow up to be caring, empathetic children and adults. When you are sensitive to the needs of your child, they become sensitive themselves. Being able to see things from their perspective is so important no only in anticipating their needs or reactions, but in helping them learn how to be sensitive to other people's moods. I truly believe that by "spoiling" a child, you are raising a connected, careful, loving, confident, compassionate little person. Come to think of it, I LOVE spoiling B. She is growing up learning that is is safe to trust others, that the world is a warm and responsive place, at her needs will be met, and that she can be whatever kind of Velcro baby she wants because I would be thrilled to know she is capable of forming strong loving bonds with people. Not with objects. That's how I spoil my baby. How do you?

Being A Mom

In lieu of Mother's Day, it's got me thinking about mom-hood. When you become a mom, your entire perception of Mother's Day changes a bit. I mean. . . I'd like to think we all knew how great our moms were. . . how much they did for us, how much they gave up for us. . . all of the late night, the tears, the broken hearts after a high school breakup, the excitement of your first date. . . prom. . . your wedding. Teaching you right fromwrong, good from evil. Really being there through thick and thin. And then. . . you have your own kid. My mom always told me I would never understand how much she loved me until I had my own. . . and she was right. And it never made much sense, I mean, I knew she REALLY loved me. A lot. But that love, that compassion, that truly unconditional love is a feeling that only a mother can know or understand.

I have a good friend who is such a great person. Patient, kind, understanding. . . all of the things that make great mothers. We were talking the other day and she mentioned how she hated that everyone assumed she was going to have children. . . she doesn't really want children, and just the assumption is obnoxious. And I can understand that. But then it got me thinking. . .

There are a lot of really crappy moms out there. Sorry. . . but there are (let's face it). So when we see someone like "my friend" we automatically assume they will be a mother. And really. . . most women do become mother's sooner or later, there are very few women who aren't. So maybe it's just a case of statistics. CHANCES are, she'll be a mom. I digress. . .

So then I was having just another random, simple day. . . doing something not necessarily memorable with B and I thought, "I am SO happy." Like. . . unimaginably happy. Happier than I ever in a million years would've thought I could ever be. And just like the Mother's Love. . .this is Mother's Happiness. You can not even begin to understand what it feels like until you are a mother. It's indescribable. Even the parents that have the "whoops" babies, will say that it is the best "mistake" they ever made. And okay. . . before kids I thought, "yeah. . . I get it. You love them. They make you happy."But REALLY people, you just can't understand what that means until you have one of your own. It is amazing. It's like this out-of-body experience you get when you just think, "My life ROCKS. I am the luckiest person in the world. This little person is SO freekin' amazing!". (Okay, maybe not those exact words, but something similar to that!) Even saying that B makes me "so happy" sounds like such a small, teensy, itty-bitty fraction of an emotion of what I really feel. (Haha. Some days. It's not to say there aren't rough days, too!)

So then, I can understand why people would WANT people like "my friend" to have kids. You want them to experience that love and that unimaginable happiness. Because if you are a mom and you really KNOW what that is, imaging anyone living without it is almost heartbreaking. So I just try to remind myself that the average person. . . the average "non-mother" already thinks they are happy. Maybe even REALLY happy. Or SUPER happy. But boy. . . they have no idea!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!