Never Ask If A Woman Is Pregnant

NEVER ASK IF A WOMAN IS PREGNANT.  Ever.

I don't care if she is obviously at least 9 months along.  Don't ask.  You know you have -- shoot - *I* have.  You see the cute pregnant lady at the grocery store and yearn for that feeling of a life growing inside of you that you admittedly once upon a time yearned to be over.  You are curious - when are they due?  What they are having?  Is it there first?  Besides that this is REALLY annoying to answer over and over and over for several months, it's really none of your business.  But that's not all.

Even if she IS, if it's too early, she'll think you just think she's fat.  Maybe it's still a secret and she's trying to hide it, so she really doesn't want to answer.  A mom who looks to be nearing the end of her pregnancy STILL should never be asked.  It doesn't seem like a personal question, but it might be.  I starting thinking of all of the worst-case scenarios that you just never know about, especially when you're talking to a stranger.  What if she is planning on giving it up for adoption?  That could be hard for her.  Or maybe she is pregnant with a baby that has a complication and may not make it to see it's 1st birthday -- or even it's first DAY.  Perhaps she just miscarried.  Perhaps. . . I don't know. . . she had a 10 lb baby and has diastasis recti and her body is just still in recovery.  So just don't ask.  Ever.

If you feel the need to recognize a pregnant lady you pass on the street, just smile at her.  If you must say something, just tell her she is beautiful.  That's what every woman needs to hear EVERY DAY.  That they are beautiful.

The end.

I will never. . .

Sometimes, I feel like a freak when I see articles or posts on things kid or parenting related.  I hate all of the news putting mom against mom; this isn't a competition or about comparing notes.  It's not about who is right or better, it's about what is best for US.  Individually.  For the most part, as long as you love, care for, and feed your children, I'm behind you.  Regardless of how you do it.  I know I'm not the only one who parents this way, but sometimes I feel like I am.  It's easy in the craziness of life and stay-at-home mom world to feel alone.

Regardless, I am proud of it.  It's really not what I DO, but what I don't do.  I came up with a list of promises for my girls.  It's meant to be both serious and funny, so hopefully it's perceived that way!

1.)  I will never leave you to cry alone.
    I don't care if I'm behind 10 hours on sleep.  I don't care if you've been up all night for the last 10 nights.  I don't care if just want me to hold you, or will only sleep if I'm by your side.  I don't care if you've done something wrong and you're crying because you just got in trouble.  I don't care if you're throwing a temper tantrum.  I will never leave you to cry alone.  (Unless you ask me to!)
  Unless you're crying because you're in trouble for hitting your sister, who is ALSO crying.  Sometimes mommas have to prioritize.  Caring for 2 or more children who are crying at the same time is difficult.

2.)  I will never force independence.
   The most independent adults were very dependent children.  I want you to be secure.  I want you to be as attached to me as you need to be, to know you are safe.  I won't force you to go with someone you don't want to go with or be somewhere you don't want to be just because you need "time without mom".  You let me know when you're ready.
  This may change when Kindergarten starts.  I can skip preschool and stay home more, but I'm not sure I'll ever convince your dad to homeschool. :/  

3.)  I will never put you in timeout.
  I will sit down alone with you when you need reconnecting.  I will take you aside and explain what you did was wrong.  I will let you tell your side of the story, and I will work through the problem with you.  I will teach you.  If you want, I will give you time to think about what happened and how you can make it better.  We will work through it together.  I will teach you.  But I will never banish you to a corner/room/chair/etc and leave you.  Also See #1.
   No exceptions found just yet :)

4.)  I will never take something important away from you.
  You are welcome in our bed as long as you want to sleep there.  You can nurse as long as you are happy.  You can sleep with a blanket until you are 30 if you want.
  Unless there is a heath concern.  i.e. you can't eat the entire carton of ice cream.  And I will probably try to wean you by college so it's easier on you.

5.)  I will never put my happiness above yours.
  Because every mother knows nothing is more important to them then their own child's happiness.
  Unless you're not happy until I'm happy.  Then I'll make sure I have a daiquiri.

6.)  I will never force affection on you.
  You don't have to kiss or hug ANYONE (me, your father, your grandparents, your cousins) if you don't want to.  It's your body and you have every control over it.
  However, don't be surprised if I want to hug and kiss you ALL OF THE TIME.  But I'll resist if you insist.

7.)  I will never insist you say "I'm Sorry"
  I want you to say you are sorry because you ARE sorry.  We can talk about what you did, why it was wrong. . . maybe how it hurt someone.  I will make suggestions and we can talk about how to make it better.  But I don't want you to ever give an insincere apology.  When you say you're sorry, I want you to always mean it.
  This doesn't mean I won't be mad as a hornet when you do something that hurts someone and you won't say you're sorry.  We'll probably both be pretty frustrated.  It's still maddening!!  

8.)  I will never hit you
  No freekin' way.  I understand there is a very strong and powerful difference between a child who respects his/her parents, and one who merely fears them.  I know two wrongs don't make a right.  I know the physical, emotional, and life-long effects spanking has on children and I PROMISE you, I will never be a statistic.
  I may or may not goose your cute little booty to get a giggle, though :)

9.)  I will never make you share something that belongs to you
  There are some possessions even *I* am not willing to share with just anyone.  Like my car.  Or my camera.  Just because I know the difference in monetary value between a car and a blanket doesn't mean you do.  If you don't want to share something, that is fine.  (Although be prepare that I will make you put up anything you don't want to share while friends are over).  If you are playing with a toy and someone wants to play with it, I won't make you turn it over just because I think they are entitled to anything they ask for.  I will teach you to take turns and give it to them when you are finished.  And vise-versa for you.
  I may ask you to share food, however.  Like, say. . . jelly beans.  With mommy.  Maybe your sister can have some too. :)  And some serious lessons may be in our future for clothing two teenage girls.  Oy.

10.)  I will never threaten or manipulate you with a false pretense.
  i.e. Santa.  The Easter Bunny.  Whomever.  I love the characters.  But I hate and will not EVER manipulate your behavior by threatening you.  No, "You better be good or Santa won't bring you any presents!"  or "Uh oh. . . Santa is watching you!  He's going to skip our house because you are being so bad!"  I want you to know that people give you presents because they want to, not because of who you are.  (So when you are older, don't act a certain way because you think people will like you more or give you want you want).  I want you to be sweet because you want us to be happy and have a good time together, not because you want something out of it.  It sends completely the wrong message.  I only wish I could keep OTHER people from saying it to you, too!
  I could and will make lots of notes on your good behavior, though. . . just so you know I am noticing. "Look how happy Sophia is when you play so nicely with her!"  "That is so helpful when you clean up your messes so I don't have to do it all!"  

Having 2

Once again, I post that I've been wanting to write, but I don't even know how I'm going to tackle it.

Having a baby is life changing.  And any mother knows what I mean.  And when you are pregnant, or anytime before you are pregnant, and people tell you this fact (It's life changing) you nod and smile and think "of course".  But YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  In fact, I think it even took me a good 2 years (+) before it really set in for me.  The DEPTH to which my life has changed is remarkable in so so so many ways.  Not just what I do each day and how I live my life, but the feelings, emotions, and everything that goes into being a mother that is life changing.

And then comes along child numero dos.  And that "you have no idea" concept which seemed to resonate so deeply. . . suddenly, means nothing.  Because having a second is like something no one can ever express.  (Although I will try).  It is so many things all in one that all I can say is

You have NO idea

Like I said, I will try to explain.  But in reality, nothing anyone could ever say could ever express what it is like to have a second [child].   I have so many friends expecting their second.  Of course lots of clients having their second.  When you are pregnant, so many people ask you, "Is this your first?".  I always just thought they were curious, but now I realize (at least for me) that it's because the meaning and feeling behind that answer is SO vastly different, depending on what it is.

What to expect as a mother of 2

During pregnancy:  You are hormonal.  If your first child is under 4, you are taking care of not only a rambunctious and energetic toddler, but you are growing a life inside you.  You will be EXHAUSTED.  Your day is go go go go and GO.  Remember how tired you were the first time around?  Well. . . multiply that by about 60.  My first pregnancy I was a zoo keepers.  I was working as a marine mammal trainer, on my feet every day all day.  I was lifting 50+ lb buckets of fish all day, scrubbing exhibits, running around in shows -- it was a VERY physical job.  And yes, I was exhausted.  But staying home with a toddler all day while you're pregnant is totally different.  And weather you work or not, if it's your second, it's different.  Because either way, when you get home from work (or if you're a SAHM and it's when your husband gets home) GENERALLY speaking you don't get it just sit down and vege like you did with the first.  You're still in action.

Weather the pregnancy was a surprise or planned, you will sometimes think positively about the second child.  Creating a playmate for his/her older sibling.  Adding to the family and how wonderful that will be.  You envision them frolicking together in the fields. (Bwahaha!) Laughing and giggling under a tent of blankets and couch cushions in your family room.  Maybe even go so far as adulthood and think of them standing by each other as they get married.  Then, the third trimester hits.  And you suddenly realize that pretty soon, it's not going to be just you and number 1 anymore.  You're going to have to divide your time AND your attention.  You start worrying about how you will manage bedtimes.  How you can breastfeed AND fix lunch for your toddler at the same time.  You will lie next to your daughter at nap time and sob because it suddenly hits you that you might not have the chance to do this anymore in another few weeks (*ahem*).  All of these feelings are normal.

Then, the baby arrives.

Me and my sister have discussed the phenomenon that happens when the baby is born.  Logically, you would think that 1+1=2.  But in child rearing, it does NOT.  For some reason, 1+1 = something more like 4 (on a good day) or even as much as 8-10.  I'm being dramatic, right?  No.  For real.

So WHY is it so hard?  Why is it so amazing, crazy, wonderful, hectic, stressful, joyous and then some? Well. . . I will tell you.  But until you experience it YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  But be prepared: these thing will likely happen to YOU.

1) Your first will want to be a baby again.  You will whip out the stroller, the bassinet, the swing, the pack-n-play.  And they will want to climb inside.  They will want you to cradle them like a baby.  They will want you to call them baby.  Indulge them and oogle over them while you can.

2)  I assure you a time will come when you are feeding your baby and #1 comes and wants you to hold them.  DO IT.  It will be awkward.  You'll probably get jabbed in the ribs.  It will continue to happen for months and months and months.  But just do it.  If you want to nurse/feed your second in peace, formulate a plan b/c it will rarely happen if #1 is in the room watching, unless someone is there to occupy.

3)  You will have a day when #1 is crying for you at the same time as #2.  If you can't care for them both at once (as it often is), pick who needs you the most.  Your prioritizing skills will be stellar by the end of the 3rd month.

4)  Going out. . . anywhere. . . brings on a whole new level of crazy.  It took me over an hour to pack up and leave the house for the first several outings.  Going anywhere is like an olympic event.  Remember all of the stuff you had to bring along with your first baby?  Well you still have all of that stuff, PLUS all of the stuff from your toddler.  Not to mention the actual toddler, himself.  Loading and unloading from the car, getting into the store. . . EVERYTHING has it's own challenges.  I remember my first trip to the pet store.  I was a hot mess.

5)  You may never EVER feel caught up.  I remember (hate me now) actually thinking one kid was easy.  Isabelle was a really easy baby and probably the reason I was ready to have a second.  But remember that math equation of 1+1= 4+?  I remember days I would lounge around in the morning while Isabelle played on the carpet and I drank a cup of coffee.  Or when we could leisurely stroll through Target to kill some time.  Now, there are days that fly by and I'm amazed that I even had time to BRETHE.  It's running from one snack, to a dirty diaper, to another change of costume, to nursing, to wiping away tears from a fall, to wiping off the peanut butter on the sofa, and so on and so on.  There is no sitting down to relax, because one of them will always need you or be climbing on you, or breaking/spilling/doing something.  I'm just proud that I *can* shop with both girls, but I definately don't do it because it's enjoyable anymore.  It's a feat!  I am so proud of myself when I survive another grocery trip with both of them!!

6)  Someone will ALWAYS be touching you.  Which might sound fabulous, and I do love all of the cuddles, but I'm not talking just cuddles.  I'm talking about B climbing up my back while I change a diaper.  Or S smacking my face while she nurses.  They both insist on being carried pretty much all of the time, and since I really just can't do that, it instills lots of whining and crying.  Some days I feel like I can't ever meet BOTH of their needs completely.  Which logically, you think of course, that's okay, you're a mom, they are fine.  But when YOU are the mom and they are YOUR kids, that leaves you with horrible guilt.  Which adds to that equation, again.

7)  Showering will become a luxury.  I remember people telling me this with #1 and it was such a lie.  (Hate me now).  But really, Isabelle was easy.  I could just take her in the shower with me or let her play on the floor.  Which yes, I can still do with the 2, but is not just TWICE as hard, it was 10 times as hard.  Because it's not just 2 babies in the shower with me, it's two babies in the shower who want the same toy to play with, or want to sit in the same spot, or both want to be held, etc, etc, etc.  And because you can't make BOTH happy for the same thing, you have to play referee.  Showering, while many days it COULD be done, it's just more of a pain and hassle than it's worth.  I usually think, "Egh, I wasn't sweaty yesterday, I'm fine."  or "Egh. . . I'm going to the pool later, why bother?"  Yep.  That's me.

8) Car rides take on a whole new level of crazy.  One crying baby is hard.  But when that one baby makes your OTHER baby start to cry -- Ohhhh my.  What a joy that brings.  It's always fun when I think I have B happy watching a movie on the DVD player and then S starts to fuss.  And soon her fuss turns to a cry.  And then un-napped B turns to her little sister, scowls, and screams, "STOP CRYING!!!!!"  Which makes S cry harder, which makes B scream louder, which makes me snap at B to stop yelling, which then makes B cry and so on and so on and so on.  Yep, it's hard.

BUT, do not let this scare you. (Ok. . . maybe be a little scared because again - YOU HAVE NO IDEA.) But think of this:

Your babies won't be babies forever.  Hold them while they want held.  Kiss them while they still let you.  Let all of you children pile on you and (even if you can't breathe) enjoy every minute.  While the tears are hard, it is heartwarming knowing they feel secure enough with you to always come to you with their pains and fears.  While you will be exhausted and worn out and never caught up, they will be growing up in a home where they have one amazing super mom who would (and DOES) do ANYTHING for them.  When looking back on their children's younger years, no mother will ever say, "I wish I'd cleaned my house more".  While there are moments that completely suck, the first time your older child sweeps in to comfort their younger brother or sister will melt your heart.  When you hear them giggling together in the other room, you'll almost cry (or maybe you will for real; been there!).  While you will likely be pushed to a new extreme of difficulty and despair and may hit some of your lowest of lows, there will be moments. . . maybe even days. . . where they are at the total opposite end of the spectrum.  When the flood of joy and happiness and fulfillment is so so SO SO high, that I can't even explain that.  Because YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  It's THAT great.

It's not a pee pee (Sex Talk and Keeping it Real)

I have NO idea why I keep seeing topics related to sex and kids recently.  Recently, facebook posts have had so many views; from "purity balls" to debates over when to teach sex ed in school.  I also have NO idea why this topic weighs on my mind.  But teaching my daughters about sex and their bodies is important to me.  So here's my two (or. . . twenty) cents.



WHERE WE STAND:

Let's start with the basics as to where I see all future sex talks stemming from.  Calling their privates what they are.  It's not a "pee pee" or a "wee wee".  It's a vagina.  Labia [majora] to be more accurate.  Daddy has a penis.  I nurse from my breasts.  "Butt" is as slang as it gets, but I think that's still calling it what it is (a buttocks).  By giving children accurate information about their bodies, it lets them know they don't have anything to be ashamed of.  Because kidding around and giving code names is secretive and can lead children to believe it is something to be embarrassed about.  According to a recent article I read:

 "Medical professionals and sex-abuse prevention educators are encouraging parents to teach their kids about their bodies, including the correct words to identify their genitalia. . . Teaching children anatomically correct terms, age-appropriately, says Laura Palumbo, a prevention specialist with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), promotes positive body image, self confidence, and parent-child communication; discourages perpetrators; and, in the event of abuse, helps children and adults navigate the disclosure and forensic interview process."  

Another plus; by teaching them the correct anatomy, children can accurately describe any problems they have with their doctors without any confusion ("Ok. . . now where exactly is your 'Little Turkey?'"), plus they won't be too embarrassed to ask questions.  “A child should view their entire body as healthy and there’s no particular part of their body that’s shameful,” Dr. Bob Sege, the director of Boston Medical Center’s division of family and child advocacy, told NBC’s TODAY. Teaching kids to use the accurate words for their body parts teaches them that they have ownership over their body, provides a positive boost to their self-image, and increases their confidence. If youth grows up with a deeper understanding of bodily autonomy and consent, they will be more likely to speak up when they feel that consent has been violated — and perhaps less likely to violate someone else’s consent.

Ok. . . so B (and soon S) know what's what.  Yes, I have even whipped out Google to search 'female anatomy' when B wanted specifics as to what was in there.  I'll admit. . . it was a little strange at first.  Being open and frank over things that are usually kept on the down low felt odd.  But now, it's like second nature.  Hopefully this beginning will make those BIGGER talks down the road easier.  But honestly, I hope to not have ONE big "big talk".  I HOPE that little by little, B (and S) will ask and I will answer.  That she/they will feel open to answer any questions they have without feeling embarrassed and knowing I will give them honest answers.  According to parenting.com, here is what children understand, age by age: 

Ages 2 to 3: The right words for private body parts, such as "penis" and "vagina"

Ages 3 to 4: Where a baby comes from. But they won't understand all the details of reproduction  -- so a simple "Mom has a uterus inside her tummy, where you lived until you were big enough to be born" is fine.

Ages 4 to 5: How a baby is born. Stick with the literal response: "When you were ready to be born, the uterus pushed you out through Mommy's vagina."

Ages 5 to 6: A general idea of how babies are made. ("Mom and Dad made you.") Or if your child demands more details: "A tiny cell inside Dad called a sperm joined together with a tiny cell inside Mom called an egg."

Ages 6 to 7: A basic understanding of intercourse. You can say, "Nature [or God] created male and female bodies to fit together like puzzle pieces. When the penis and the vagina fit together, sperm, like tadpoles, swim through the penis and up to the egg." Explain what you think about sex and relationships. For instance: "Sex is one of the ways people show love for each other."

Ages 8 to 9: That sex is important, which your child has probably picked up from the media and her peers. A child this age can handle a basic explanation on just about any topic, including rape. ("Remember when we talked about sex being part of a loving relationship? Rape is when someone forces another person to have sex, and that's wrong.")

Ages 9 to 11: Which changes happen during puberty. Also be ready to discuss sex-related topics your child sees in the news.

Age 12: By now, kids are formulating their own values, so check in every so often to provide a better context for the information your child's getting. But avoid overkill or you'll be tuned out.

I was happy to read we are right where we are "supposed" to be.  When B started obsessing over baby's in bellies, we talked about how baby's are actually in the Mommy's uterus and will grow inside them until they are ready to come out.  And then, they come out through the Mother's vagina.  (Gasp!!!)  Honestly, I was bracing myself for more questions, but that really was all she wanted to know.  "Oh.  Otay.", she said.

SEX TALK AT HOME

Talking about sex with your child isn't easy.  Hopefully by keeping things age-appropriate, simple, and to the point, the girls will be open to discussing anything that's on their minds.  Another thing that I'm hoping to keep up in our home is keeping their father involved.  (Lucky daddy!)  Research shows when fathers talk to their daughters about sex, their little girls have less sex when they're older.  Boys and girls treat sex differently.  I think we can generally agree that when girls start thinking about having sex, they are thinking of love.  Boys on the other hand keep it separate from their emotions and think of it as more of a physical act.  Moms can explain this to their girls, but they will be more likely to believe it when it comes from the source (dad; a boy).  Plus, when a father and daughter have the talk, they are more likely to have and/or be nourishing a close father-daughter relationship.  When girls have a close relationship with a father figure they don't need to seek a boyfriend to fill any void they may have.  Daughters who have positive relationships with their fathers have higher self-esteem and are more confident and less likely to succumb to peer pressure. 

WHAT ABOUT SEX IN SCHOOL?  

There has been a debate over when sex education is appropriate in schools.  Conservatives argue abstinence should be the only lesson when it comes to sex ed.  Liberals say that the increase in the spread of STD's among teens give a case that kids need more detailed information so they know the dangers.  

I started to look up statistics on sex ed in school.  When girls start puberty.  How young kids are becoming sexually active.  Abstinence-only programs vs comprehensive classes.  Then I realized since my whole argument is how and why we should talk to our kids, it doesn't even matter!  Young people are going to learn about sex.  I vividly remember learning a bit about it when I was 7 years old from a book my best friend had.  (I still remember reading the human sex page over and over, ". . . and then, the man places his penis in the mother's vagina.")  We need to stop putting the responsibility on the schools and put it on ourselves.  Kids are going to talk to each other- where they will get horribly misguided information.  They may experiment if they are curious and don't know better.  They'll look to the media. . . So it's our [very stressful and high-pressure] job to make sure they know the facts, they know they can come to us, and they know we will give them honest, open answers.

MASTURBATION:

Yup.  I'm gonna go there.  

It's all connected, people.  I don't want B or S to ever feel embarrassed about their bodies.  It is normal for kids to explore their bodies at a very early age.  They don't know what they are doing in the aspect of how we see it.  If you yell or scorn ("Eww, don't do that!!", "Get your hands away from there!", "That's dirty, stop that right now!!"), it (once again) teaches them that their bodies are dirty, touching them is wrong, and that they should be ashamed and embarrassed.  By ignoring it and trying to distract them is like saying, "What you're doing is so awful that I'm going to pretend I didn't see it".  I've already passed this non-issue with B.  When I saw her touching herself, I just let her know that I know it feels good, but it's something that should be done in private.  "Our privates are private" I always say.  Which reinforces that no one else should ever see or touch her, unless it's mommy or daddy or Nana when she needs wiped after going potty or is getting cleaned in the bathtub.  When I clean her, I ask her if she wants help or ask her if it's okay that I wash her bottom.  If she says no, then I let her do it herself.  This helps teach her that her body is HER body and should be respected.

When it's all written out, it seems really complicated.  But it's really very simple.  I want to be open and honest and THERE when it comes to sex and their bodies.  If you're in for a laugh, check out this halarious story about a sex talk between a father and daugher: http://www.joshweed.com/2013/07/sometimes-sex-talk-goes-horribly-wrong.html

Crunchy Sh*t I've tried [and how it went]

I sometimes don't know who I am from who I was just 3 or 4 years ago.  My mother always called me her "hippie child" but I never really saw why.  But I'm loving living this natural life :)  And I keep finding more stuff to try!  Most of the links in here go to related blog posts to get more info, if so desired :)

So here's my list of things I've tried, what it is, and why I liked, didn't like, etc, and why.

"No-poo" 
As in "No shampoo".  That's right.  Shampoo (and conditioner, and most all hair products) are a complete waste of time and money.  You wash/shampoo your hair to get out the dirt and oil, meanwhile stripping all of the moisture and richness of your hair.  Then add another product to add the oil and moisture back in.  It's a vicious cycle.  Hair products have so many additives, chemicals, etc, that are SO bad for you and your precious locks!!  You can instead use baking soda and vinegar (apple cider vinegar) to cleanse/condition, and only do it a few times as week!  So much better.

Well, I did it and I did love it.  However, FYI it does NOT work well with hard water, b/c of all of the crap that is in hard water, so it started leaving a residue on my hair.  The solution to the problem is to wash with distilled water, but. . . that's a bit too much work than I was willing to do, so until we call Culligan Man, I'm done.

Coconut Oil
Use it.  With everything.  I use coconut oil instead of hair mouse.  I use it in cooking.  I use it for diaper rash, and when the girls get eczema flare ups.  It is magical.  And I just read, taking 2 TBSP a day helps with Dementia and Alzheimer's!  It is seriously the magical food.  I have 3 giant tubs in our house.

Colloidal Silver
Again, magic.  When you google and read about it, the review and context is mixed.  It *is* a natural antibiotic.  It is also anti fungal, antiVIRAL, antibacterial, and has been shown to cure diseases and even cancer.  2-3 drops any time the girls show signs of an ear infection, and we're good. When I feel a cold coming on or anytime I become ill, I take 1 tsp/day.  I love it.

Natural Birth & Hypnobabies
The link on hypnobabies will take you to my blog, but yes I did it, yes I think it worked, and yes I recommend it

Babywearing
Couldn't have survived #2 without it.  Every mom should own at least 1 good sling or carrier.  I love my ring sling.  I love my wrap.  I wish I had something fancy but that's another story :)  Wear your baby, it's just common sense.

Extended Breastfeeding
So glad the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until 2 years of age or beyond (Get on board AAP - who is at 12 months or 'as long as mother and baby desire').   Isabelle weaned at 2 years.  I'm hoping to make it at least that long with Sophia.  You always have a way to soothe them.  Always have a nutrition supply.  Don't have to worry about picky eating.  Easy to get them to bed/nap.

Organic/Clean Eating
We obviously don't do it 100% of the time.  I still have lots of junk I haven't weaned myself off of.  But we are getting better and better.  I'm learning more and more about all of the crap (seriously - CRAP!) we put into our bodies and trying to be better about it.  We stick primarily to organic meat, for sure.  I buy organic fruits/veggies that are on the dirty list.  I push for organic milk/dairy.  I avoid processed foods.  It's a work in progress, to say the least

Chiropractic Care
I'd kinda sorta heard bits and pieces about chiropractic care here and there.  I remember when a co-worker mentioned it to me kind of thinking it was weird when she said that instead of her parents taking her to the doctor when she got sick, she usually went to the chiropractor.  I love my doctor, I do.  I'd already been looking into what chiropractics can do for you and how everything affects your body, your immune system, etc, and then B got sick.  I sent her with Lee to have her cough checked out.  He came home with a prescription for antibiotic and was told she had an ear infection.  Which I believe, I don't doubt she did.  But all I could think about was everything I have been taught about how ineffective antibiotics are for ear infections, how they exasperate the problem in the long run, and on and on.  She wasn't complaining of any ear pain -- so I DIDN'T give her that evil antibiotic, dropped a few drops of colloidal silver in her ears for a few days, and made an appointment w/ a chiropractor.  We're only a few weeks in, but Isabelle's ear infection cleared.  Sophia slept through the night for the first time.  And I really think this is so much better for their overall health than western medicine.

Delayed/Non-Vaccinated
For the sake of argument, we won't open this can of worms on a grand scale.  I won't go into what we have/have not done specifically.  But just know this:
- We vaccinate for 36 things today.  When I was born, it was only 10.
- Vaccines contain an assortment of chemicals, including formaldehyde & antifreeze? (Let's not even mention mercury and aluminum)
- Some vaccines are made from aborted fetal tissues
- You are more likely to die or have a major reaction from the polio vaccine than you are to ever die from or become seriously ill with polio itself.  Same with MMR.  Then there is always vaccine-derived polio.  Google it.
- Pharmaceutical companies claim that vaccines caused a rapid decline in the diseases they are said to prevent, yet they were already on rapid decline before the vaccinations were introduced.  We don't have vaccines for Scarlet Fever and Typhoid, but have no problems with them today.  Waste of money, perhaps??
- SIDS is more common in nations with more vaccines does.  Vaccines are linked to insulin-dependent diabetes.  Children who receive Hep B according to the schedule have 9x higher rate of developmental disabilities than unvaccinated children.
- Food for thought: Something like 2-4% of adults receive their boosters/vaccinations.  Yet. . . most of us are all just fine and never get the diseases we vaccinate our children for.
I could go on.

Oil cleanse
Similar to "No Poo" but for faces.  Same thing; the amount of stuff we do to our skin, our face, to turn around and UN-do it. . . Oil Cleanse using the basic principles that the best way to get rid of oil is with oil (oil and water don't mix).  You want to get rid of dirt and oil, without stripping out the GOOD oils, which is what causes your skin to over-produce oils and/or give you dry skin and breakouts.  For some time, I would cleanse my face using a mixture of castor oil and extra-virgin olive oil.  Worked great, I loved it, but the problem for me was that you have to massage the oil in for 5-7 minutes and then wipe it off w/ a hot steamy wash cloth.  I just don't have time for that with 2 small children!!

Cloth Diapering
We cloth diaper about 75% of the time.  I don't use cloth overnight, or if we are gone for the day.  But when I do, I love it.  Comfier.  Cheaper.  Cuter.  Safer.  Although somewhat addicting. . .

Amber Teething Necklaces

Every mother should own one.  I will say that Sophia's first necklace was the dark amber and it did NOTHING for her.  But then I bought a raw honey colored necklace and it worked great.  Just like with Isabelle, I went from giving her ibuprofen/acetaminophen and teething tablets or oragel regularly (NOT so crunchy of me!) to MAYBE 5-6 times in the past 9 months of so.  Has not helped with Sophias sleep so much, but hey - I'll take what I can get!

Co-Sleeping
We are not true co-sleepers.  Isabelle wasn't welcomed into our room until she was 2ish, and it hasn't become consistent until the past 4-6 months.  Sophia started in our room in the pack-n-play, but soon realized it was hard to do her AND Isabelle, and it was just easier to put her in her crib in her room.  But co-sleeping is natural.  It's healthy.  Studies show it's good for their self-esteem :).  They will NOT be in bed with you until they leave for college, so I think it's something to embrace.

Homemade Detergent
Crunchy or just cheap?  I think a little of both.  It's really pretty easy, but my husband is too picky when it comes to his clothing so I stopped doing it :(

Why We're Skipping PreSchool

A year ago, we started looking into preschools for B for last fall.  It would've been a program for 2 year olds. . . just one day a week for 1/2 a day.  I started looking, thinking it might be nice to have one day a week when it could just be me and Sophia.  Isabelle could mingle with other friends.  Play.  Maybe learn something important.  I called around to a handful of schools. . . never made it out to visit any of them because I decided for one reason or another, we were going to wait another year.

So another year came and went.  Last November, I started thinking about preschools again.  (Enrollment is usually in January or February - nearly 8 months before classes begin!!!)  Called around more.  E-mailed. Toured.  And toured.  And toured.  And once again. . . decided we wanted to wait.

This time. . . the decision didn't come as easily.  Lee and I had several talks. . . I think I was driving him crazy a little bit :)  One school, I didn't really like their director.  Another, I wasn't so sure about how their day was organized.  Some were too far away.  A few of them didn't seem warm and friendly enough.  Some too expensive.  The days were too long.  Or were they too short?  They forced the craft for the day.  Prayer was mandatory.  The more I started thinking about it, it started to seem like I was just making up excuses as to why "this one" or "that one" wasn't good enough.

Then I started thinking about the nitty gritty.  I understand preschool is a personal choice, so like with everything else, please don't take offense if you DO send your child to preschool.  This is just my explanation, since I know I'm in the minority.

First, I started to realize the. . . for lack of a better word. . . scam that was involved in preschools.  People didn't used to do preschools like they do today.  (Shoot, go back far enough, lots of kids never even did kindergarten!)  But somewhere in the crazy hu-bub of "my child must be the smartest, wisest, sharpest, most excellent child on the block" era, it became almost a fad.  Parents have come to believe that the sooner they start going to school the better.  If they do not separate themselves from their children, then their children will suffer dire consequences.  They won't know how to follow instruction.  They will be dependent.  Oh yeah, and they won't know how to stand in a line.

But after looking into it (because ya'll know I'm a research freak), I started reading that the earlier you push your children into learning, the sooner they will loose interest.  So sure, they might be ahead of the class for awhile, but sooner or later loose interest b/c school is no longer fun for them. Because they've been doing it for FOREVER!!  Research shows that there are no long-lasting benefits to preschool even for those from disadvantaged backgrounds.  In fact. . . developmental skills and empathy has shown to be higher in children that stay home with mom, not to mention they have less aggression and sadness.  Do I think kids have fun in preschool?  Of course!  But at what cost??

I feel like my baby. . . while she just turned 3. . . is still my baby.  She won't be that way for long.  The first 5-7 years in a child's life is the most formulate (crap. . . more research).  This is when B will be setting up all of her emotional, spiritual, AND yes, academic foundations.  Do I really want to leave that big of a job to a near stranger??  When I looked at the curriculum, I realized. . . I can do that!!  B is so smart and I realized how much I've already taught her without even trying.  And I realized, I love that I am the one who taught her those things.  Her colors, numbers, letters, how to sign and recognize her shapes and so much more.  Really, the only thing she hadn't already learned that was on the list was writing her name.  I'm not going to have her home with me for long. . . the last 3 years have already flown by. . . why should I be in such a rush to send her away??  I feel like sending her to preschool would undermine the bond that we have worked on so much her entire life.  I want to be there to kiss her, hug her, and just be with her while I still can.  Seriously, she'll be 20 tomorrow!

Then I started thinking about discipline.  I will admit - I'm a bit of a narcissist when it comes to how my child is disciplined.  Especially since I don't even believe in the TERM discipline.  I am an extremely gentle parent (or at least try to be).  I don't believe in time outs.  I don't want anyone to raise their voice to, or even around, B.  I don't want anyone shaming her, telling her she is "bad", and just the idea of another parent handling a behavioral issue makes me nauseous.  While it might be a fault of my own, there are very very few people I trust with B, so I realized, why should I trust her with (again) a near-stranger?  In my opinion, children need consistency.  While I'm sure the preschool teachers are wonderful, they don't have a vested, eternal interest in raising B to be the best she can be, so the energy they put into "discipline" would probably be lacking (because I assure you, mainstream discipline is much easier!!)  And that's just assuming they actually even notice when there is a problem and react at all.

And then. . . there is those darn peer influences. I'm already having a hard time swallowing the idea of what she's going to come home with when she starts public school.  Why torture myself now?  We have no idea or control over what type of peers B would be around while she's in school.  Who knows the language, morals, behavior, etc, that could come around.  Even just some cruel words or common "mean kid" behavior can really affect a child for the rest of their lives. (Formulate years, remember?)  I know this sound so over protective, but seriously. . . when one of my main reasons for doing preschool was for the social aspect, I realized that that could work AGAINST me.  Right now, she is socializing all of the time!  I love the friends she's around in La Leche twice a month.  We go to the library for story time.  My sister lives 10 minutes away.  We do dance class and swim class.  And I'm there with her, bonding, being apart of it all.  Kids of all ages and background.  I like it that way.  It works for us.  So why change it?

A little part of me also worries it would disrupt our flow.  Right now, I'm finally getting used to caring for two.  It works.  We have a system.  Before long, I would get used to the break, and then, what if the days I have both start becoming overwhelming?  I don't ever want to wish it was a school day, or wish I had that break.  I, oddly enough, want to handle what comes along with having my children all day, all week (again. . . bonding here!)  The more time I spend with the girls, the better I know them and what works for us.  I remember when just getting out of the house with 2 was a feat.  Now, it's normal to run errands, go grocery shopping, take a trip to the museum, etc.  I love that.

I also hated the clinical feeling of preschools.  When we visited once school, they were in the middle of their testing.  For God knows what. . . but something.  It's ridiculous.  They are TWO. (Or three, or four, or five).  Tests are historically inaccurate.  I don't need someone labeling my child and putting her on a graph.  She is three.  Like I read, "testing and labeling a child whose brain and motor skills are still undeveloped is like diagnosing a newborn bird with a flying problem."

So, Isabelle will stay home with me next year.  We'll revisit the idea of pre-K next winter.  With the money we will save, I can enroll her in the activities she really loves and still keep her active (just like we are now) in dance, swimming. . . maybe do ballet or basketball or karate.  Sign up for some outdoor programs at the local park.  After all, she'll only be little for a little while. . . .




UPDATE:

This post was first published in March of last year.  By June, I had a 3 year old that was practically begging me to enroll her in preschool (I blame Daniel Tiger and Sid the Science Kid.  And me for letting her watch too much TV!!).  I found out one of the schools we toured that I liked "okay" moved even closer to us, so we signed her up.  She started off going SUPER SUPER excited.  SO so excited.  Day by day it got harder and harder.  By the end of the first month, she was crying at drop off and begging me to let her stay home.  So we withdrew her from the program.

Lesson learned: Listen to your gut!  I think a major part of the issue was how the program was run -- they had 4 teachers in the four "subjects" and would rotate through every 20 minutes.  24 kids, separated into 4 groups of 8. . . that's a LOT of transitioning for a 3 year old!

So now, here we are, enrollment time again.  We have looked at 4 more schools. . . a few of them got closer to meeting our [when I say "our" I mean MY] strict requirements.  But I still keep hanging on to what I posted earlier.  This time with her is crucial.  I want to be her strongest influence.  I can teach her what she needs to know for kindergarden.  She gets LOTS of social interaction already.  She enjoys her other activities, and I want her to be able to continue with those.  Pushing learning too early has shown to have no long-term benefit and sending them off to preschool HAS been linked to behavioral problems.  So. . . as of 1/24/2014. . . we are NOT doing pre-K, either.

On a side note, I did find an awesome home-schooling program called "Five In A Row" (FIAR) that we will be trying in lieu of preschool.  It will be perfect for us to have to work on together while Sophia naps. (BONDING TIME!!).  The FIAR system gives you lessons that go along to corresponding books (purchased in a series).  You read the same book five days in a row, and each day get a new lesson to teach on.  So for example, the first day, you might read the book and then learn more about a certain animal that is in the book.  The next day, you would learn about where the book takes place.  Then the day after that, you might apply something in the book to help you teach math skills.  I'm excited to try this with Isabelle and help foster her love of learning :)

PDQ Skin Cream

Some time. . . many years ago. . . Around October 2008, I believe. . . I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma.  AKA: skin cancer.  But the "good" skin cancer to have, seemly simple to get rid of and no big deal.  Usually it's right at the surface and can easily be cleared away.

When the first biopsy came back abnormal, I went back to the doctor and he took another sample, going further out on the margins than he did the first time.  It still showed that the margins weren't clear (meaning there was cancer showing at the edges of the sample, so more left on me), so he sent me to a specialist.

So that they don't just hack away aimlessly, I needed to go see a dermatologist that preformed a special procedure called MOES (or chemosurgery).  During the surgery, the doctor removes tissues one section at a time and graphs it out in pieces.  It is cut longitudinally and analyzed under a microscope so that they can see if any cancer cells are still present, and if they are, where. So, for example, if there are only cells in one corner, the doctor will know by the graph which corner it came from and how deep it goes (if he cut deep enough) so he knows where to go back and cut.  So after each cut, you are patched up (but not completely), sent back to wait while the pathologist examines the tissues, then called back in if you aren't cleared.  They numb you up some more, hack away some more, back into the waiting room, and so on.

(Side note, the first specialist I went to misunderstood the doctor when they asked if he preformed MOES, they thought she said "moles" so my first trip was a giant waste.)

SOOOOOO Only TWO doctors in the entire state that perform this procedure. . . The first doctor I went to took me back in [I believe] 3 times that visit before everything was clear.  Fabulous.  I thought that was it; I was done.  In early 2010 - about 18 mths later - it started to come back.  Annoyed (it was supposed to be 99% successful!), I went back to my family doctor to send out a sample again -- because SURELY I was just mistaken -- only to find out that yes, it was back.

So, back to the dermatologist I went.  To the other DIFFERENT (and only other option) dermatologist this time because, well. . . I was bitter.  This time it only took one trip in.  Sent home, viola. . . and another 1.5 years later AGAIN. . . the spot was back.

I was beyond annoyed.  Ok, I was pretty pissed.  Those surgeries were NOT cheap.  Thousands. . . even after insurance.  99% accurate??  What the heck?!  And more-so, it was scary.  It was JUST basal cell. . . but it wasn't going away!

So I'm complaining on my birth group to the ladies I love how this spot came back and how frustrated I am. . .  and come to find out there is a cream out there that can treat it.  Bless Bless Bless this group. . . A girl knew a guy who owns a health store and has had skin cancer, checked by a doctor, and treated with this seemingly magical cream.  So I looked into it.

One cream that is starting to get it's name out there is CuraDerm.  It was on the Dr. Oz show.  I believe you put it on every day for several months and it gets rid of basal and sqaumous cell skin cancers.  (Don't quote me).  But that wasn't the cream she told me about. . . The cream I heard about and decided to try was PDQ (actually "PDQ!!" but the exclaimation points seem cheesy so let's leave them out).  PDQ is an herbal skin cream that softens tissues.  Essentially, it weakens the cell wall.  Cancer cells are very strong, abnormal cells that the body will recognize as 'invaders' and try to fight off but simply can't.  When you apply this cream and it softens the cells, it will soften the cancer cells enough that the body's immune system is able to attack, destroy, and remove the dangerous cells.  You apply 2 doses (one the first day, another 24 hours later) and any bad tissue leaves behind a red bump or white blistery-type skin.  This is the dead skin cells (the cancer).  They scab up, dry, and fall off in another 7-10 days, leaving NO scarring (unlike the giant scar the surgery left me with).  You continue to apply the PDQ cream (twice the first few days and allowing to heal before reapplying) until there is no reaction, which means there is no cancer or abnormal cells.  For about $85 a bottle. . . you're done.

So I bought it, tried it, and wanted to document it.  Here's my journal:


Day 1 - I applied PDQ to my temple at night.  It stung really bad as soon as I put it on.  I also did a test spot on my left ankle and dabbed some on a suspicious mole on my right thigh.

Day 2 - I applied immediately the next morning.  This is what my temple looked like later that afternoon.  The woman from the store had said to reapply the next day. . which I did. . .but then later this evening I read that it is supposed to be after 24 hours.  It had probably just been 12.  Whoops.  So I got it reapplied a little too early.  The site is a little swollen, a little sore & bothered, and maybe is started to develop some scabbing.

The mole on my thigh is just squishy (?) and really red at the base.  Also a little sensitive.  My test spot feels and looks totally normal.

Day 7 - Both my temple and my mole are very dry and scaly.  My temple has a few small scabs, but the redness and swelling is gone.  Since my mole has no scabs but is dry (and abnormal), I scrubbed [harder] and reapplied [more liberally] tonight.  After speaking with the rep, I should've applied more than just a thin later and should've also let it sit for at least 15 min.  So it did, along with another test spot.  My first test spot on my left ankle never did anything (never stung, never got red or swollen, never scabbed), but since I didn't apply correctly the first time around I just want to prove to myself that it doesn't react with normal skin cells.

Here's what my temple looks like tonight (sorry for the poor quality! Lesson one: no pictures at night):

 Here's my suspiciouse mole, all gooped up.  It burns:

 Here's my test mole, just a little further down on my thigh.  Feels totally normal:

Day 8:  As I expected, my test mole (above) was totally normal today.  The other mole is red, swollen, and sore.  My temple is still dry and scaly w/ 1 small scab left, so I didn't reapply tonight.  I reapplied to my test mole and my yuck mole on my right thigh.  This is what it looked like after the PDQ sat for 20 min:

Red, sore, and weird white blistery-type things on and around it.  I'm guessing that's what will scab.  Burns like the dickens.

Also tonight I reapplied to a mole on my left shoulder.  It's red, swollen and sore too :(

Day 9:  Did 2nd day application on my shoulder.  My scabs on my temple came off, so I reapplied there, also.  This time scrubbing better and applying more liberally.  I tried to go outside the margins alot to make sure I got everything.  Here is where I applied (you can see the tan-ish goop if you look closely):

When I took off the ointment, I had the same white ulcerative spots like I had on my mole yesterday - mostly around the upper-back portion of the lesion.

Day 10:  2nd day application on my temple.  It ****burns*** like somethin' else!!  And the white foamyness (that seems to be what turns to a scab) is really bad.  Wowza.  Let's hope I'm not mutulating myself. . . Here's a crappy shot from my computer monitor:  

Day 14:  The spots have all scabbed over.  Pretty gross, b/c my mole on my shoulder has turned from a squishy raised mole to a hard scabby lump.  Yummy.  Here's my shoulder. . . kinda hard to tell whats happening, but it's the mole with a scab around it where the PDQ sat on my normal (but abnormal) skin:

Day 16:  My temple has almost lost all of it's scabbing and I'm left with just a patch closest to my eye and some in the hair line.  The skin underneath is pink and soft.  The only part that didn't scab over was a spot in the middle that ran through my scar from the surgery.  

 And here's my spot on my right thigh.  The mole is barely raised anymore and I've lost almost all of the scab.  I'm thinking another few application and the mole will be gone all together.

Since all of the spots reacted all of the way to the edge of where I applied the PDQ, I'm going to have to apply it further out next time to make sure I reach it all.

Day 18: I got all 3 spots really gooped up.  I went about 1/2" around each mole and way out into my hair line on my temple:

. . . and the next day after the 2nd application:

Computer shot

Same spot, picture taken using camera

I took two pictures of my temple b/c both shots are deceiving. . . the computer shot shows the white foamy skin the best and the camera shot show more detail. . . the pink in the middle is actually just pink, fleshy (presumably therefore healthy) skin.  All around in and about 1"above it is all white, foamy, dead tissue.  On my leg, the skin is just red and soft, except for a few spots on top of the mole (the lighter spots you see in the pic) and a few next to it.  My shoulder doesn't have hardly any white spots.

Day. . . I don't even know. . . 90ish:
Ok. . . so I totally slacked off blogging, BUT it was only because, it CLEARED!!  I did one more application after this last and got a small, mild reaction on my temple -- just some dry, kind of scaly skin, like I just needed some moisturizer.  The next time -- nothing!  I could hardly believe it.

Here is a shot I took about a month ago to show my beautiful, clean, scab and seemingly cancer-free temple!!!  Amazing.

Since then, I have tested and treated a few other spots that looked fishy to me.  Most recently was a spot  just above my hair line that reacted badly (as in. . . alot), so I'm in the middle of clearing up that spot.  But like always, some spots do nothing, others are obviously abnormal.  It's really amazing and I'm totally sold.

So what now?  Well, as crunchy as I may be. . . I can't just let all of the spots that have shown signs of cancer go and pretend they were never there.  So those that still have something left (like a mole that had most of it killed off but there is still some left behind that isn't reacting), I plan on having biopsied and tested at my doctor's office.  PROBABLY not my temple. . . since they've already hacked that so many times, I'm not sure it can handle it again.  But I am curious to see what the test come back with.  I'll keep you posted :)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Jourdan :)

For those of you interested in trying,  I purchased it from Country Nutrition out of Decatur, IL.  There is also a store in Greenwood, IN.  Their store manager, Debi, was SO helpful and answered my phone calls and spoke to me for a long time, always happy to help me with any questions I have.  We conversed some via e-mail, some on the phone, and they happily and quickly shipped it out for me with no problem.   Decatur:217-877-6466, Greenwood: 317-889-1305.  Owner: Neil (cnutri@sbcglobal.net).


UPDATE January 2015:
Unfortunately, the spot seems to have reappeared.  I can only assume I didn't leave the cream on long enough, so the cells started to multiply again.  I'm now trying Frankincense essential oils from Young Living, since it is supposed to help with the same thing, to see if that will work.  I'm not holding my breath.

I did go to the doctor and had that spot on my right thigh and left shoulder biopsied, just to be sure they were clear, and they came back fine.  So either the PDQ got rid of the bad cells and cleared it, or it was just crazy all along.  Either way -- I was checked and I'm fine in that department.

Once I finish the Frankincense, I'm going to go back to the Dr. and have him look at my temple.  Again.  I really don't feel comfortable doing MOHS again (although I'm sure they would LOVE my money for the 3rd time!) so we will have to brainstorm other possibilities.

UPDATE August 2015:
Well, in June I had my right temple checked again and the cancer is still there.  The Frankincense would make my skin stay healthy looking, but as soon as I stopped the scabbing and dry, flaky skin would come back.  So in September, I go in to have my 3rd MOHS prodedure (and also a separate surgery for repair the following day).  The doctor explained that it was multi-nuclear basal cell, so that cells aren't all next to each other and will be sporadically spread, so it LOOKS like the margins are clear in the sample but there are still outlying areas.  I told him I want a "Buy Three, Get One Free" deal!!!  Wish me luck.