Why We're Skipping PreSchool

A year ago, we started looking into preschools for B for last fall.  It would've been a program for 2 year olds. . . just one day a week for 1/2 a day.  I started looking, thinking it might be nice to have one day a week when it could just be me and Sophia.  Isabelle could mingle with other friends.  Play.  Maybe learn something important.  I called around to a handful of schools. . . never made it out to visit any of them because I decided for one reason or another, we were going to wait another year.

So another year came and went.  Last November, I started thinking about preschools again.  (Enrollment is usually in January or February - nearly 8 months before classes begin!!!)  Called around more.  E-mailed. Toured.  And toured.  And toured.  And once again. . . decided we wanted to wait.

This time. . . the decision didn't come as easily.  Lee and I had several talks. . . I think I was driving him crazy a little bit :)  One school, I didn't really like their director.  Another, I wasn't so sure about how their day was organized.  Some were too far away.  A few of them didn't seem warm and friendly enough.  Some too expensive.  The days were too long.  Or were they too short?  They forced the craft for the day.  Prayer was mandatory.  The more I started thinking about it, it started to seem like I was just making up excuses as to why "this one" or "that one" wasn't good enough.

Then I started thinking about the nitty gritty.  I understand preschool is a personal choice, so like with everything else, please don't take offense if you DO send your child to preschool.  This is just my explanation, since I know I'm in the minority.

First, I started to realize the. . . for lack of a better word. . . scam that was involved in preschools.  People didn't used to do preschools like they do today.  (Shoot, go back far enough, lots of kids never even did kindergarten!)  But somewhere in the crazy hu-bub of "my child must be the smartest, wisest, sharpest, most excellent child on the block" era, it became almost a fad.  Parents have come to believe that the sooner they start going to school the better.  If they do not separate themselves from their children, then their children will suffer dire consequences.  They won't know how to follow instruction.  They will be dependent.  Oh yeah, and they won't know how to stand in a line.

But after looking into it (because ya'll know I'm a research freak), I started reading that the earlier you push your children into learning, the sooner they will loose interest.  So sure, they might be ahead of the class for awhile, but sooner or later loose interest b/c school is no longer fun for them. Because they've been doing it for FOREVER!!  Research shows that there are no long-lasting benefits to preschool even for those from disadvantaged backgrounds.  In fact. . . developmental skills and empathy has shown to be higher in children that stay home with mom, not to mention they have less aggression and sadness.  Do I think kids have fun in preschool?  Of course!  But at what cost??

I feel like my baby. . . while she just turned 3. . . is still my baby.  She won't be that way for long.  The first 5-7 years in a child's life is the most formulate (crap. . . more research).  This is when B will be setting up all of her emotional, spiritual, AND yes, academic foundations.  Do I really want to leave that big of a job to a near stranger??  When I looked at the curriculum, I realized. . . I can do that!!  B is so smart and I realized how much I've already taught her without even trying.  And I realized, I love that I am the one who taught her those things.  Her colors, numbers, letters, how to sign and recognize her shapes and so much more.  Really, the only thing she hadn't already learned that was on the list was writing her name.  I'm not going to have her home with me for long. . . the last 3 years have already flown by. . . why should I be in such a rush to send her away??  I feel like sending her to preschool would undermine the bond that we have worked on so much her entire life.  I want to be there to kiss her, hug her, and just be with her while I still can.  Seriously, she'll be 20 tomorrow!

Then I started thinking about discipline.  I will admit - I'm a bit of a narcissist when it comes to how my child is disciplined.  Especially since I don't even believe in the TERM discipline.  I am an extremely gentle parent (or at least try to be).  I don't believe in time outs.  I don't want anyone to raise their voice to, or even around, B.  I don't want anyone shaming her, telling her she is "bad", and just the idea of another parent handling a behavioral issue makes me nauseous.  While it might be a fault of my own, there are very very few people I trust with B, so I realized, why should I trust her with (again) a near-stranger?  In my opinion, children need consistency.  While I'm sure the preschool teachers are wonderful, they don't have a vested, eternal interest in raising B to be the best she can be, so the energy they put into "discipline" would probably be lacking (because I assure you, mainstream discipline is much easier!!)  And that's just assuming they actually even notice when there is a problem and react at all.

And then. . . there is those darn peer influences. I'm already having a hard time swallowing the idea of what she's going to come home with when she starts public school.  Why torture myself now?  We have no idea or control over what type of peers B would be around while she's in school.  Who knows the language, morals, behavior, etc, that could come around.  Even just some cruel words or common "mean kid" behavior can really affect a child for the rest of their lives. (Formulate years, remember?)  I know this sound so over protective, but seriously. . . when one of my main reasons for doing preschool was for the social aspect, I realized that that could work AGAINST me.  Right now, she is socializing all of the time!  I love the friends she's around in La Leche twice a month.  We go to the library for story time.  My sister lives 10 minutes away.  We do dance class and swim class.  And I'm there with her, bonding, being apart of it all.  Kids of all ages and background.  I like it that way.  It works for us.  So why change it?

A little part of me also worries it would disrupt our flow.  Right now, I'm finally getting used to caring for two.  It works.  We have a system.  Before long, I would get used to the break, and then, what if the days I have both start becoming overwhelming?  I don't ever want to wish it was a school day, or wish I had that break.  I, oddly enough, want to handle what comes along with having my children all day, all week (again. . . bonding here!)  The more time I spend with the girls, the better I know them and what works for us.  I remember when just getting out of the house with 2 was a feat.  Now, it's normal to run errands, go grocery shopping, take a trip to the museum, etc.  I love that.

I also hated the clinical feeling of preschools.  When we visited once school, they were in the middle of their testing.  For God knows what. . . but something.  It's ridiculous.  They are TWO. (Or three, or four, or five).  Tests are historically inaccurate.  I don't need someone labeling my child and putting her on a graph.  She is three.  Like I read, "testing and labeling a child whose brain and motor skills are still undeveloped is like diagnosing a newborn bird with a flying problem."

So, Isabelle will stay home with me next year.  We'll revisit the idea of pre-K next winter.  With the money we will save, I can enroll her in the activities she really loves and still keep her active (just like we are now) in dance, swimming. . . maybe do ballet or basketball or karate.  Sign up for some outdoor programs at the local park.  After all, she'll only be little for a little while. . . .




UPDATE:

This post was first published in March of last year.  By June, I had a 3 year old that was practically begging me to enroll her in preschool (I blame Daniel Tiger and Sid the Science Kid.  And me for letting her watch too much TV!!).  I found out one of the schools we toured that I liked "okay" moved even closer to us, so we signed her up.  She started off going SUPER SUPER excited.  SO so excited.  Day by day it got harder and harder.  By the end of the first month, she was crying at drop off and begging me to let her stay home.  So we withdrew her from the program.

Lesson learned: Listen to your gut!  I think a major part of the issue was how the program was run -- they had 4 teachers in the four "subjects" and would rotate through every 20 minutes.  24 kids, separated into 4 groups of 8. . . that's a LOT of transitioning for a 3 year old!

So now, here we are, enrollment time again.  We have looked at 4 more schools. . . a few of them got closer to meeting our [when I say "our" I mean MY] strict requirements.  But I still keep hanging on to what I posted earlier.  This time with her is crucial.  I want to be her strongest influence.  I can teach her what she needs to know for kindergarden.  She gets LOTS of social interaction already.  She enjoys her other activities, and I want her to be able to continue with those.  Pushing learning too early has shown to have no long-term benefit and sending them off to preschool HAS been linked to behavioral problems.  So. . . as of 1/24/2014. . . we are NOT doing pre-K, either.

On a side note, I did find an awesome home-schooling program called "Five In A Row" (FIAR) that we will be trying in lieu of preschool.  It will be perfect for us to have to work on together while Sophia naps. (BONDING TIME!!).  The FIAR system gives you lessons that go along to corresponding books (purchased in a series).  You read the same book five days in a row, and each day get a new lesson to teach on.  So for example, the first day, you might read the book and then learn more about a certain animal that is in the book.  The next day, you would learn about where the book takes place.  Then the day after that, you might apply something in the book to help you teach math skills.  I'm excited to try this with Isabelle and help foster her love of learning :)