Let's Talk About Weaning

Well, it's happened. And honestly, I've been avoiding blogging about it or documenting it in any way because I'm still not really sure how I feel about it. My baby girl has weaned.

----------------------------------------------

I was at a loss as to were to start with this. I realize less than 3/4 of babies are breastfed from the get-go. By 6 months, less than 1/2 (about 42%)of mother's are still breastfeeding. By 1 year, less than 1/4 (around 20%) are still there. So of course, the numbers of children breastfed up to 2 years is minuscule. So I see B as a very lucky, very healthy, very privileged little girl that got that liquid gold for so long.

----------------------------------------------

When I got pregnant with "Squirt" I was really determined not to let it affect my breastfeeding relationship with B. First, I was just really sore. But I was hopeful that I would be among the percentage of women that lost that symptom after the first trimester. I wasn't.

----------------------------------------------

In fact, not only did the pain not go away, it got worse. Then my supply dwindled. No -- it didn't dwindle. . it was completely eradicated. I joked that I was blowing dust, although in all reality, I soon began producing the colostrum that the baby would be getting immediately following birth. Which the taste B didn't really care for. On a few occasions, she told me it was "Yuck".

----------------------------------------------

Despite the change in taste, B kept on nursing but just seemed to nurse. . . differently. Not actively nursing to get something, more just comfort sucking. Unfortunately, to my body sucking was sucking. . . and by this point I was well into my second trimester so the oxytocin that is released when breastfeeding was telling my uterine muscles to contract. For me, they were rather uncomfortable and also continued on for quite some time even after she was finished. So now I had a toddler with a poor latch sucking on sore nipples while having contractions. I was over it.

----------------------------------------------

Luckily for me, B has never been a major boob hog. I honestly don't remember where we were with nursing when I became pregnant, but I presume she was nursing around 3-5 times a day. She easily went down to only nursing before nap and bed as I began distracting her with other things during the day. To someone who doesn't breastfeed, this might seem silly. "Really? Your toddler is STILL nursing that much all day?!" But think about how many toddlers are still taking a bottle, or even more so how many still need a pacifier to soothe. It's the same thing, only not only am I trying to deprive her of her biggest comfort, but also a huge source of nutrition, protection against illness, and many many other long-term benefits that are crazy to just throw away like it's just some silicone prosthetic. (Are you sensing the guilt oozing from my pores?!)

----------------------------------------------

When it became too much for me and I started contemplating weaning, first I told myself I would just try to get down to her nursing once/day. Surely I could suck it up and endure it if it only happened once every 24 hours, right? I decided to eliminate the bedtime session next, since I often didn't get a nap out of her if she didn't nurse to sleep. I was terrified.

----------------------------------------------

Thanks to KellyMom.com, La Lache League, and my Toasted and Crunchy mommas, I went into it with lots of info and was ready to pursue the dropped session and semi-weaning in the most gentle way possible. First, for at least 2 weeks before we gave it up I would talk to B about not nursing before bed anymore. "In 'X' days, we are going to try to go to bed without getting Mommy's milk. Instead we'll get to hug and cuddle and kiss and have yummy snacks, just no milk." Sometimes I would also explain that mommy's breasts were starting to hurt and so I would need a break. The first night went so much better than I expected. I reminded her that today was the day we weren't going to get Mommy's milk, and instead we had a smoothie (yogurt + milk) and some cheese and snuggled in the rocker and read books. When I laid her down, she did then ask for milk, and I reminded her that we weren't going to get Mommy's milk before bed anymore and explained that Mommy's milk hurt (and had put bandaids on my chest to show her) and she took to it fine. Of course then she was a little obsessed with Mommy's "Boo-Boo's", but laid down and went to bed like a pro. I think (*think*) there was a night or two that she started to fuss and get upset about not getting milk, so I let her nurse. But for the most part, it was pretty easy and she was done and it was never a big deal. SCORE!

----------------------------------------------

Then her 2nd birthday came along. Since we needed her crib for the baby, we switched her over to a twin bed and gave her all of my old bedroom furniture from when I was a little girl and got new fancy bedding and made a big deal out of what a big girl she was. That one nursing session I was planning on keeping disappeared. I think since we lost the toddler bed and the rocker that we usually nursed in, she just forgot about it. She stopped asking. I offered a few times and was refused, so eventually I just didn't offer it anymore (hesitantly. . . constantly questioning myself as usual). And that was it. My baby was weaned. Four days before her second birthday. . . she was done.

----------------------------------------------

There has been two La Lache meetings that she randomly asked to nurse and latched for under 60 seconds. When my sister had her baby 4 weeks ago B did suddenly peak interest again and asked to nurse maybe two or three times, then just gave me a look like, "This is weird" and stopped, sometimes before even really nursing for real. It's like she's forgotten how to do it. If she wants to nurse after Squirt is born, I'm fine with that. I'm certainly not going to give her one more reason to be jealous of the baby and honestly, I don't think her interest will stick around for long. To me, it makes more sense to let her join in on the fun and get some bonus nutrition and bond with mommy and the new baby than turn it into a fight.

----------------------------------------------

Since weaning, I do get SO many more snuggles that I ever did when B was breastfeeding. Of course she was snuggling while nursing, but it's different when they want to cuddle and hug with no strings attached. Even though it hasn't been long, so far she hasn't gotten sick so I don't have to feel like I'm prolonging her illness by not offering any antibodies. And she still eats well for a 25 month old, so I don't worry about her diet and nutrition TOO much. We're in a good place. Now I just have to make it through the next 2.5 months!

Funny things my baby does

Ok, I should put Baby in quotes ("Baby") since - holy crap - she's TWO now. . . but okay, whatever.

She's always cracked me up and it's even harder to remember to record those funny moments. But here are a few I wanted to note before I forgot.

• We recently started potty training. She prefers to sit without a training seat on the big toilet and sit backwards. When she poops, she'll wave and say "hi" to the poop, blow it a kiss, and the first time she pooped on the potty she also pointed out to me where the mouth was. Aka, the pinched off end :)
• EVERYTHING right now is mommy/daddy. She likes to point out mommies and daddies at the store. If there are two adult sized items together, it's mommy and daddy. Like her rubber duckies at bath time. Or her horse stickers we just bought. And if she can, she likes to make mommy and daddy object kiss. <3 The funniest was yesterday when she woke from nap and pointed to Dumbo the elephant and said, "Daddy. Dumbo." Buhahaha!!!
• Since Aunt Jen had her baby, Isabelle has been wanting to pretend to be a baby again. She wants to be held like a baby, sit on my lap to eat, and have me give her her sippie of milk while being cradled. I don't mind indulging her, but after finally decided to wean her from breastfeeding (via don't offer, don't refuse), she's suddenly deciding to want to nurse again. But yesterday, she wanted to nurse from daddy. And he let her try; w/o much luck. Then she kept asking for "Daddy's milk" over and over and we had to explain to her that only mommies make milk and I would have some again once the baby came out of my belly.

Funny quirks I want to remember when she's 16:

• She loves to wear sunglasses. And usually upside down. Inside, outside, rain or shine, she wants her "Gasses".

• She finally learned our dog, Cierra's, name. So now, Cierra is referred to as Ci-Ci but McKenna (who we call Mac) is still either dog, woof-woof, or also gets called Ci-Ci.

• When the dogs are being bad, she's say, "Egh-egh!!" at them just like mommy. Unfortunately she's also learned if they come too close to her when she wants space, she can just scram at the top of her lungs and they'll leave her alone.

• She almost ALWAYS will ask for cheese before bed. It's a good bedtime snack, at least :)

• She loves to dance and hula. And baths. And tutus and somersaults. And boots. And Mickey Mouse.

Non-Crunchy Confessions

I'm still not sure how a blog that started out as a blog for documenting B and things we do (and why) has turned into such a "Crunch-tastic" blog. . . but it's almost making me feel guilty.

You can laugh at me now when I tell you I actually tried to google search "What it means to be crunchy" to give everyone an accurate description. . . but I didn't have much luck as far as an *official* definition. To me, when I think of being crunchy I think of hippies. Tree huggers. Vegetarians. Vegans. Conservationists. Natural is the best word I can think of that doesn't inflate any negative sparks. Typically crunchy moms support home births, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, healthy eating, etc. Typically, we're pretty far on the left, politically speaking (but lets not go there. . . )

So yes, I consider myself pretty crunchy. But I'm definitely no pro. So for the fairness of anyone who might be looking at me (or this blog) expecting this glory-glory bra-less, placenta pill taking home grower. . . I need to make my confessions now. I may be back to edit this (aka add to) on several occasions. By the end, I probably won't look very crunchy anymore. . .

Confession #1 - I enjoy fast food.

Yikes. I know. Fast food is disgusting. The food quality is horrible. The meat is below dog-food grade, the saturated fats and artificial colors and flavors are over the top. . . but I enjoy it. Although I grocery shop for only organic meat and prefer my daughter only eat organic milk and eggs. . . I love McDonalds Big Macs. It's backwards. . . I know.

Confession #2 - I'm too much of a worrier and a wimp to do a home birth.

Midwives are awesome. And how far they have come with the technology and everything behind it is amazing. If you haven't seen Ricki Lake's Birth Documentary, you should (view the trailer here). I would LOVE to give birth naturally in the comfort of my home. But I'm a worrier. And I have a low pain tolerance. And I'm too scared. So I'll be delivering in a hospital for the second time in May or June. Hopefully without induction, without having my water broken, without using pitocin. . . but honestly, probably with an epidural.

Confession #3 - My crunchinessis over-due.

I was always earthy. . . always into conservation and the environment. . . always knew I would breastfeed. But lots of other things came after Isabelle was born, after I learned new things and decided what I felt passionate about and what worked for us. Attachment Parenting, Gentle Discipline, Amber Teething Necklaces, Cloth Diapering Baby Wearing, Vaccinations, Extended Rear-Facing or the idea of Extended Breastfeeding. . . all things that I didn't grasp or even know about until she was at least 8 months old. My birth experience was not crunchy. We didn't co-sleep a day (or night) in our lives. I only wore her when it was convenient now and again, but I can probably count the number of times on one hand.

Confession #4 - I don't cloth diaper at night and randomly during the day.

I cloth diaper about 90% of the time during the day. If we have a long car trip, outing, or if dad is home with her for the day, we use disposables. At night, she's always in those nasy ol' sposies. So although I only contribute to landfills about 1/6 as much. . . I still do :(

Confession #5 - Isabelle and I both enjoy sweets.

My family (I think) thinks I'm too strict with Isabelle and her sugar intake. But I'm really not (in comparison). For her birthday, she had a regular old cake -- no homemade banana cake, no dairy free, sugar free cake, no cake with extra health-building ingredients. She's a really good eater, so if she's eaten well I'll give her a cookie, or a piece of candy, or some ice cream.

Confession #6 - I use birth control. . . or would if I could/wanted to

I'm pretty sure that's not-crunchy. Obviously I'm knocked up now, but I have no problem killing off those little swimmers or keeping my body from ovulating or whatever I have to do, even if it is unnatural.

Confession #7 - I don't do elimination communication.

If you don't know what it is and WANT to know - go here. I just haven't gotten there yet. . . probably never will. . . but props to those that do.

Confession #8 - B was fully vaccinated on schedule.

Obviously this kind of goes with #3 but I thought it deserved it's own category. To see my current stance, go here. I was too busy learning about other things before I got to vaccines. . . so I was late on the ball.

Confession #9 - We aren't Vegan or Vegetarian and I rarely can afford organic produce.

We only eat organic meat in our home (going out to eat or at in a guests home is another thing) and therefore don't eat it often. . . but we DO eat it. Same with dairy, etc. I would LOVE to be able to buy all organic produce, but it's simply not feasible right now.

Confession #10 - We don't have a compost pile and grow very few things at home.

My goal this summer is to at least get a compost bin going again and get a larger garden with more fruits and veggies. . . but in comparison, we are definitely lacking in that area.

Camera Phone Uploads!!!

<-- Me and Isabelle "baby wearing". She went through a phase when she wanted held all of the time between about 6 weeks-10 weeks (if even that long) so I wore her in my Infantino or another carrier I had. But usually never longer than a few hours, just to get stuff done in the house. I didn't realize all of the benefits of baby wearing until she was at least 8-10 months old

<---- Isabelle in her crib. She was in her crib from the first day she was home from the hospital and on. I was blessed with a good sleeper in the younger years, so it made it easy. I was so worried about starting a "habit". . . again, I didn't realize all of the benefits (HEALTH benefits, too!) to co-sleeping. We tried to co-sleep later when she started having troubles, when we went on vacation, etc. . . but since she has always been

in her crib, if we are there she thinks it's play time and we've never gotten her to go to sleep!

<----- with Daddy getting ice cream. We get it lots in the summer. . .

<-----B in her car seat. I didn't discover extended rear-facing until she was over 12 months, so she was actually foward facing for a month or so before I happened to fall upon an article on Baby Center and then quickly flopped her back around.

Picking my battles

I have the craziest memory. And for some reason, I remember when I was about 17 years old, working as a server at Pizza Hut. I came home on a particularly bad night when the kids that came in that evening were driving me crazy. I was complaining to my mom and saying that when I was a parent [insert snooty teenager voice here] I would never let my kids to *this* or *that*. I can vividly remember a particular child, maybe about 3 or 4, who kept standing up on the bench and I thought that was so inappropriate. I remember my mom laughing (out loud) at me and telling me sometimes when you're a parent, you just have to pick your battles. Of course me being the stubborn, argumentative woman I am had to fight her on it for a bit, but before long, I realized (to some extent) that she was totally right.

"Picking your battles" I really believe is one thing that can set parents apart. My mom was a genius and I didn't even realize it yet. Sometimes, it's hard not to get upset over every little thing, especially on a bad day. But I quickly realized that nit-picking everything that bothered me was exhausting for both of us. While I agree that it is important to teach our children what is right, it's also important as parents to realize what is simply an annoyance and what is a REAL issue.

For example: Getting upset with food being thrown on the floor. Or even in my beginning example, a small toddler jumping on the benches at a pizza joint. I try to think to myself, "Okay. . . in another few years, will this still be a problem, or will she likely grow out of it on her own?" I've found that 80% of the time, I realize it's not a battle to pick. B will not still throw food on the floor when she is 5. . . (actually, she doesn't even do it anymore now). She was simply experimenting with gravity. I really don't think if she stands up and/or jumps on the bench in a restaurant it will help either of us if I try to force her to sit, not to mention she's probably only doing it out of boredom. I don't forsee my 6-year old B doing the same thing.

I think some parents feel the need to control every little behavior because if they don't, they fear their child will never listen to them. They have this "nip it in the bud" mentality. Maybe they were held under a tight leash as a child and feel they must do the same. I think it's important to realize what is a true concern, and what is a fear-based response.

So for battles I'm not willing to pick, I can ignore it, redirect them, or just back-off. And for those bigger battles that as a parent, I'm entitled to fight? Good 'ol Attachment Parenting standards: Time-In, problem solving, and natural consequences.

Like they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff". And if you focus on your relationship more and stop worrying so much about what they are doing and if it's "okay", then when the big stuff does roll around - you'll know it -- and correcting it will be much easier.

Injections, drugs, and ouchies

Oh my Gosh are there so many things to think about when you're a parent. I'll be honest and say there is enough that poor Isabelle was a bit of a test child. I didn't know what I was doing. There weren't enough hours in the day (or night) to research every little thing that popped up, so I just focused on what was most important to me at the time and hoped the rest would be okay.

Well, so here comes baby #2, Squirt, and the first thing I wanted to find out more about was vaccine schedules. To start, I didn't really know a lot about vaccines. I didn't know what they were all for (Exactly. I might have known it was for Rotavirus, but I had no idea what Rotavirus was.) So I went by the recommended schedule for Isabelle and have up until now. I understand there is some criticism on vaccine and vaccine research, but I wasn't very familiar with what it was all about. So, it was time for me to do a bit of my own research.

To start, here is the American Academy of Pediatric 2011 Recommended Vaccine Schedule:

Birth: Hep B

1 month: Hep B

2 months: HIB, Pc, DTaP, Rotavirus, Polio

4 months: HIB, Pc, DTaP, Rotavirus, Polio

6 months: HIB, Pc, DtaP, Rotavirus, Hep B, Flu

1 year: MMR, Chickenpox, Hep A

15 months: HIB, Pc

18 months: DTap, Polio, Hep A, Flu

2 years: Flu (given every year at the start of flu season)

5 years: DTap, Polio, MMR, Chickenpox

11-12 years: Tdap, Meningococcal, HPV (3 doses)

16 years: Meningococcal

I'm going to try to talk about all of this without sounding really negative.

To sum up the arguments against vaccines, they go a little like this. First, shooting antigens, chemicals, and potentially dangerous ingredients into anyone is scary, let alone a small infant. Some vaccines aren't even that necessary based on the severity and prevalence of the disease. To some moms, the reactions (sometimes fatal) to vaccines just aren't worth it. Plus, there are some ethical issues behind many vaccines given today, as well.

Starting from the top, the first problem I discovered was the Hep B vaccine. Hepatitis B is a sexually transmitted virus which can only be contracted via the typical STD route or by sharing of IV drug needles or improperly sterilized tattoo needles. Vaccination programs began for high-risk groups in the 1980's (IV drug users, prostitutes, and sexually promiscuous adults) but it didn't work, since such groups typically don't come in for vaccines anyways. So then it was

decided that it would be best if we

simply vaccinated every single baby, instead of just those babies who needed it. So even though children don't actually need the protection (unless they have a positive hep B mother), doctors figured it was easier to vaccinate young. That's a bad reason for me, so I decided I wanted to postpone Hep B.

Next is the aluminum content in vaccines. I was really surprised to find out that there has been NO research - none, nada, zilch - done on the effects of aluminum being injected at high doses. Doses that in other forms are very harmful. The AAP recognizes that aluminum can cause neurological harm and that aluminum has been seen to build up in even healthy kidneys when HEALTHY people are exposed to even such simple things are IV solutions containing aluminum. The only study done on aluminum toxicity was in premature infants receiving aluminum through IV medications. Those that received IV solutions with aluminum showed impaired neurological and mental development. They were receiving about 500 micrograms spread out over 10 days, so about 50 micrograms per day. So they decided that yes, it is dangerous, but they never even checked with aluminum that is injected directly into your tissues and blood stream (like vaccines). Or in healthy babies. However, that 50 micrograms that seems to be too dangerous for premature infants. . . compare it to the 1,225 micrograms given in EACH round of vaccines you would give your child. Yikes. So, with that info, I decided to alternate the schedule so that Squirt would only receive one aluminum-containing vaccine at a time. Spacing out the vaccines also makes it easier to detect where a reaction came from, should one occur, as well and limiting the pokes and pricks and number of chemicals injected overall.

My next issue came with the use of animal & human tissues in the vaccines. Animal tissues only bother me a tiny bit. Mostly because although they screen these cells for other diseases and infections, there is always the chance that there is an unknown disease or infection in there. For example, between 1955-1963, some of the monkey kidney cells used to the polio vaccine contained a virus called PV-40. PV-40 is known to cause brain tumors, bone cancer, lumphoma, and mesolthelioma. That virus HAS been found in human tumors today and is genetically identical to that found in the vaccines fifty years ago. Also - more recently - in 2010 they found a virus called PCV1 and PCV2. These viruses cause organ failure and death. In pigs. Luckily this, as far as we know harmless in humans (although no research has been done). . . but still. Another familiar one; mad cow disease. We had been using cow tissues for decades before we even knew about mad cow. Could those tissues have been infected? Maybe.

But honestly, although animal tissues freak me out I can put it aside for the benefit of the vaccines as a whole. What scares me more in the use of human tissues. MMR, Chickenpox, Hep A, and Pentacel combo vaccine use the cells from aborted fetuses to grow the vaccine in numerous labs all over the US. Research on the DNA from the fetus cells shows that human DNA can trigger autoimmune reactions. So a person (or baby's) immune system will attack the foreign DNA, and this attack can then turn against the DNA of the person receiving the vaccine. Plus, same-species foreign DNA can actually insert itself into the DNA of the person or child, altering their genetic function. SAY WHAT?! Since all of the vaccines that contain human DNA is either not serious (like Hep A and Chicken Pox) or not common (MMR), I decided they can wait until Squirt and Isabelle are older and can decide for themselves what they would like to do.

And important thing I learned was that although Public schools require a child be fully immunized for entry, it isn't absolute. ALL states allow parents to waive vaccines for medical or religious reasons. (In the case of the human tissues, it is against many religions to abort, so therefore the use of aborted fetus cells is against their religion).

So, what is my [tentative] plan? Here you go:

2 months: DTaP, Rota

3 months: Pc, HIB

4 months: DTaP, Rota

5 months: Pc, HIB

6 months: DTaP, Rota

7 months: Pc, HIB

9 months: Flu, Polio (maybe. It no longer occurs in the US or western hemisphere so. . . dunno)

12 months: Polio (" ").

15 months: Pc, HIB

18 months: DTaP, Polio (maybe)

2 years: Hep B

2 years 1 mth:Hep B

3 years: Hep B

4 years: DTaP, Polio (maybe)

(5-11 years they can decide if they want to get MMR, Chicken Pox, or Hep A or I will have more info by then to decide one way or the other)

12 years: Tdap

13-14 years: HPV (3 doses)

16 years: Meningococcal

Notes from my schedule:

• Requesting HIB without aluminum
• Requesting Daptacel brand of DTaP and Adacel Brand of Tdap b/c they don't use animal or human issues
• Gives only one aluminum-containing vaccines at a time
• Postponing Hep B until 2 years b/c of why I mentioned above
• Beginning Polio at 9 mths (if at all) instead of 2 because it is no longer around
• Leaving vaccines that contain human tissues to a later age or not at all (TBD)
• Flu I will likely only give once during infancy due to their compromised immunity and then stop. I will only give a non-mercury vaccine or nasal spray

As far as Isabelle, I will be going through the shots she has already received, crossing them off my alternate schedule, and proceeding as usual. Not too complicated, right?

Okay. Now it's your turn!

Siblings without Rivalry

Now that baby Squirt is only 20 weeks away, I'm starting to try to prepare everyone for the new arrival. B gets daily lessons on the baby in mommy's belly. I'm already talking about the sleeping arrangements for Squirt with hubs, reading books on vaccinations, and of course getting ready to decorate the nursery. But the very first thing I worried about when the baby came, was how B would do with the addition. So, of course I did some book searches and found a great read: "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

I'm a sibling. As is most of the general population. Honestly, I don't really remember any siblings rivalry between me and my brother and sister, but it had to have been there, right? I had heard some CRAZY stories about sibling rivalry, and I just have this irrational fear that my children are going to hate each other and try to murder each other in their sleep.

The first thing that sticks in my mind from the book is how to handle arguments. Even when I taught at the daycare or would see issues arise with my own nephews, I would cringe

because I realized I had no idea how I would handle the situation if it were me. I *hate* that feeling. ("Ughhh. . . Duhhhhh. . . Wadda I do now??") First, it addresses the difference between play fighting and real fighting. If they are play fighting and suddenly Bobby is screaming that Jodi hit him [too hard], there is a general rule in the house that play fighting is okay as long as both kids are playing. If they get hurt, then the book teaches you how to teach them to handle it on their own. (By expressing to each other their feelings and how to play without getting hurt, or to just stop the play all together). When they aren't playing and another child is hitting for a malicious reason, it has you turn your focus onto the child that is hurt independently, leaving the other sibling out of the issue completely. You don't put the other child down, you only talk about the child you are talking to. "That must've really hurt! I bet you get frustrated when you are trying to do something and keep getting pushed down." It sounds simple, but really is genius. Imagine the difference between yelling, "Tommy!!! Stop hitting your sister! That's hurt her! Why you you always have to be so aggressive?!" (while practically ignoring the hurt child in the process) and instead focusing on the child in need and validating their feelings. It's not about telling them, "Tommy is so mean!" (in turn making them believe Tommy is mean and Tommy believing he is mean and hurtful), it's about putting the focus where it's important and solving issues in the process.

The book also has great points about labeling your children and putting them into "roles". Calling one kid smart and the other athletic limits them both and also spawns rivalry. To the smart child, they might feel pressure to keep up their genius status or they may not partake in sports they might otherwise enjoy in fear that their sibling(s) would out-shine them. The athletic child might see their smart counter-part as "better" or even think their parents like them more, giving them an excuse to [spitefully] slack in school. Meanwhile, feeling the pressure to be "tough" and "athletic" and bring home the trophies. Even positive labels have negative effects. Some of the points it makes about labeling are really eye-opening and made me even think about how I was labeled as a child and how it may have affected me.

Also, the book talks about "fairness" between siblings. It is pretty much impossible to always keep things fair and equal 100% of the time. It can also be very counterproductive and exhausting. The point (and really the point of the whole book) is to treat each child uniquely. Uniquely; not fairly. Just because Suzie gets a new lunch box because she needs one doesn't mean Sally needs one too. It's important to teach the children that they each are important individually and that they will have their needs met SEPARATE from their siblings.

On a similar note, it puts a new perspective on sharing that lots of parents can learn from. Sharing should be encouraged, not forced. Do we share our cars (daily, regularly, I mean)? No. Our cell phones? No. They are OURS. It has some great suggestions for elimnating the possibility for conflict and also teaches you how to handle situations so the children can work together, solve problems, and not always be screaming for you to be on their side. All while still recognizing their feelings and frustrations. Ahh-mazing.

I loved that this book recognized the children individually instead of putting them up against each other. Rivalry is normal and something they can use as a tool to help them learn how to form healthy, loving relationships. It's not about making them the best of friends, it's about teaching them the skills the need in every relationship in life. (Listening, Problem Solving, Empathy, etc.) There was a lot of Unconditional Parenting and Attachment Parenting ideas so I could relate; such a recognizing your children's feelings (even when negative) and validating their emotions instead of trying to tell them not to say that thing or feel that way. ("You don't hate your sister." "You don't want to kill him! Don't say that!" See? See?

I could go much more in-depth about its greatness, but really all I can say is it's a must-read for anyone with children or even expect to have children around one day. It's an easy read, you can easily skip chapter if you need to, and there are so many tools you can use for years and years. So much of it is common sense, but things most people don't even realize until it's spread out in front of them. So often we inadvertently set our children up for the bickering and fighting without even realizing what we are doing! Instead of seeing sibling rivalry as a doom-and-gloom to my future, I am now somewhat more optimistic knowing the control I have over it, how to turn it into something positive and healthy, and am excited [in a strange kind of way] to help them navigate through this relationship by doing my part as their parent.

Bring it on, Baby Squirt!!

My favorite quote:

"The be loved equally is somehow to be loved less. To be loved uniquely - for one's own special self - is to be loved as much as we need to be loved."

Target Nurse-In

This isn't something I would normall post on my blog, but this woman response to people's negative comments about Target's Nurse-In (this morning and 10am) was so perfect and so exactly what I think and feel, I felt like I had to share.

"Meg Hower:

Because I am a very modest person, prior to my son's birth, I would have generally agreed with those who felt that at a minimum moms nursing in public should cover up or find a discreet location, or maybe just pump a bottle. I was OK with breastfeeding in public, but it made me feel squeamish and I felt like at least mothers should try to be "modest."

Now that I have my son, and have nursed him for a year, I so wish that others could get the same education that I have gained by experience. I was wrong before, not because I was a bad person or baised against mothers, but because I was just ignorant of what was involved.

When my son was very young (first few months), I at first tried to nurse him only in private rooms when we had family over or were visiting. I quickly found that 45 minutes separate from the rest of the world, repeated every 1.5 hours, all day, every day, was enough to drive me out of my mind. I started nursing with a cover when relatives were visiting. I was a bit uncomfortable with it, but it was better than the insanity I felt creeping into my exhausted mind after so many days of self-inflicted "solitary confinement."

Even though I had started nursing with family present, I was still too uncomfortable to nurse at a public place. So I tried to pump bottles to bring with me. Anyone who has never done that just does NOT understand what it entails: buy expensive pump, buy 10,000 accessories, sterilize all tiny components, find 30 minutes when you have nothing else to do and baby is not screaming in order to pump (ha!), realize you can't pump enough in one sitting so repeat multiple times in order to produce one bottle, spend 15 minutes sterilizing all components each time, realize you pumped too close to a feeding so now you don't have enough milk for baby to nurse, freak out and give baby some formula (wait wasn't the point to avoid formula??), eventually go out shopping for a 1 hour trip (which is shorter than the time spent preparing that damn bottle by about 200%). Then endure 2-3 days of baby biting your nipple when he/she nurses because they've switched to a shallow latch from the bottle.

Didn't take long for me to say screw it and, when truly desperate, try to find places to nurse as discreetly as possible in public. As a result I've endured the nastiest most unsanitary back rooms that no reasonable adult would ever think to eat a sandwich in, let alone feed an infant in. And often that was only after 10 tense minutes with a screaming infant while I ran around the store begging an associate to tell me where a room was that I could please use.

These things that seem so easy to suggest - pump a bottle before you go out! just nurse in the bathroom! - they are huge HUGE burdens for nursing moms. What you may think is a reasonable suggestion, I have learned the hard way, is in fact a barrier to breastfeeding. And those need to be broken down. The top health officials and medical experts and even political leaders in our country are calling for measures to reduce barriers to breastfeeding. THAT is why it is important for mothers to push back against what is truly a social barrier to breastfeeding. Otherwise it stacks the odds against moms who are already struggling with the knowledge of how easy it would be to just say screw it and grab a bottle of formula, to the detriment of their child's health, in order to placate a stranger's perceived discomfort."

Amen sista!!! To see the original comment and article, go here