Picking my battles

I have the craziest memory. And for some reason, I remember when I was about 17 years old, working as a server at Pizza Hut. I came home on a particularly bad night when the kids that came in that evening were driving me crazy. I was complaining to my mom and saying that when I was a parent [insert snooty teenager voice here] I would never let my kids to *this* or *that*. I can vividly remember a particular child, maybe about 3 or 4, who kept standing up on the bench and I thought that was so inappropriate. I remember my mom laughing (out loud) at me and telling me sometimes when you're a parent, you just have to pick your battles. Of course me being the stubborn, argumentative woman I am had to fight her on it for a bit, but before long, I realized (to some extent) that she was totally right.

"Picking your battles" I really believe is one thing that can set parents apart. My mom was a genius and I didn't even realize it yet. Sometimes, it's hard not to get upset over every little thing, especially on a bad day. But I quickly realized that nit-picking everything that bothered me was exhausting for both of us. While I agree that it is important to teach our children what is right, it's also important as parents to realize what is simply an annoyance and what is a REAL issue.

For example: Getting upset with food being thrown on the floor. Or even in my beginning example, a small toddler jumping on the benches at a pizza joint. I try to think to myself, "Okay. . . in another few years, will this still be a problem, or will she likely grow out of it on her own?" I've found that 80% of the time, I realize it's not a battle to pick. B will not still throw food on the floor when she is 5. . . (actually, she doesn't even do it anymore now). She was simply experimenting with gravity. I really don't think if she stands up and/or jumps on the bench in a restaurant it will help either of us if I try to force her to sit, not to mention she's probably only doing it out of boredom. I don't forsee my 6-year old B doing the same thing.

I think some parents feel the need to control every little behavior because if they don't, they fear their child will never listen to them. They have this "nip it in the bud" mentality. Maybe they were held under a tight leash as a child and feel they must do the same. I think it's important to realize what is a true concern, and what is a fear-based response.

So for battles I'm not willing to pick, I can ignore it, redirect them, or just back-off. And for those bigger battles that as a parent, I'm entitled to fight? Good 'ol Attachment Parenting standards: Time-In, problem solving, and natural consequences.

Like they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff". And if you focus on your relationship more and stop worrying so much about what they are doing and if it's "okay", then when the big stuff does roll around - you'll know it -- and correcting it will be much easier.