Postpartum Doula's

Aghh!!!  I'm a little behind on this one.  But never the less, I want to fit it into my blog before it's too late.

A friend of mine works for Believe Midwifery Services as a midwifery assistant, and they are sponsoring a Postpartum Doula Skills Workshop this upcoming weekend.

So what IS a postpartum doula?  I like to think of them as the fairy god-mother of everything a mother would ever want or need after having a baby.  They make sure the mother is fed, hydrated, and comfortable.  That she's getting enough sleep.  They are there to help with breastfeeding.  They share information on how to care for the baby, help siblings and partners learn how to help mom with the new addition.  It's all about nurturing the family and helping them though the transition, as well as fostering the independence for the entire family (not just mom).  It might sound a little crazy (how many of you are thinking, 'Well my own mother can come over and do that!!'?) but it can really pay off.  Many doulas receive special training and certifications, and research has show that parents who receive support from postpartum doulas feels more secure and cared for, are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics, are more self-confident, have great success with breastfeeding, less postpartum depression, and lower incidence of abuse.

I really think it would be awesome not only to HAVE a postpartum doula to help, but to BE a postpartum doula.  What an amazing gift to get to play such a crucial role in setting up the dynamics of a new family.  Not to mention that cute little baby you would get to help care for!  Here's the information on some workshops coming to town soon (help at the Thorntown Public Library):

Disadvantages to Breastfeeding?

There was a recent article I saw posted on facebook about a study that showed contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding has been shown to stall breast aging.  It reminded me of the [more than one] people who told me that they didn't want to breastfeed because they didn't want to have saggy boobs.  Little did they know, they actually made it worse for themselves!  So as I was putting my little nursling to sleep that night, I started to think of all of the "disadvantages" of breastfeeding and came to realize. . . there are really very few.  Not including the less-saggy aspect, here are my top 5 not-so-disadvantages:

1.  Dad can't feed the baby.
       First. . . for many, dad CAN feed the baby.  Pumped milk.  But for a moment, let's pretend the baby either doesn't take a bottle you simply don't want to pump.  In  many ways, the fact that dad can't feed the baby is a plus in our home.  We're never arguing over whose turn it is to feed the baby.  I'm the only one who gets to snuggle with a baby at 3am (I find a very odd peace with those midnight hours when the house is all quiet and asleep and it's just me and my babe).  When it's bedtime, I get to snuggle with my little baby while dad does the more challenging task of getting a 2 year old to bed.  Dinner is done!  And baby is hungry.  Oh darn, I better sit and nurse her while you finish dishes.  It is really awesome that I can supply my baby with every nutritional need it has anytime it wants it.  AWESOME.

2.  Finding a place to nurse in public.
       After B, I have now lost just about all of my empathy for strangers when my baby needs to eat and we're in public.  Once I got over that and stopped sneaking off to the nearest bathroom or vacant bedroom, car, etc. . . feeding my baby in public is easier than ever.  I don't have to fumble through a diaper bag for a bottle, sterile water, and formula.  I've mastered nursing discretely (at least I think so) and can calm her cries, usually in under 10 seconds.  Most people just think I'm cradling a baby, trying to get her to sleep.  And I am!

3.  You can't hand them a bottle to continue working.
        Are there times when I am flooded with tasks, jobs, and a needy toddler and feel like I don't have time to sit down to feed my baby?  Sure.  But when the food is attached to your body, you have to.  And really. . . it's nice.  Nursing forces me to slow down - I need that!  When there are dishes to wash, clothes to sort, and 20 other things you need done, having a nursling gives you the chance to sit down, relax, and enjoy your baby.  The time goes WAY too fast, hold them at every chance you get.  Sit.  Enjoy it.  Look into their eyes.  Hold their tiny hands.  Suddenly, that sticky stuff on the counter doesn't seem as important as it did 5 minutes ago.  Not to mention the hormones you release while breastfeeding has a calming effect and it makes me feel SO good and SO relaxed. . . I really wish they could bottle that stuff.

4.  Dietary restrictions.
        I'll admit, when I went dairy free with Sophia is was rough.  But I was eating so much better!  Would I have enjoying having more ice cream at bedtime or some extra cheese on my pizza?  Sure.  But really, I lost at least an extra few pounds thanks to those restrictions.  Breastfeeding forces you to think twice about what you put into your body and overall, probably makes you at least a little bit healthier.

5.  You don't know how much the baby is eating and/or it takes too long to feed them.

        Okay, I'm kind of cheating on this one.  But it's one of the most common responses I got from people unfamiliar with breastfeeding.  "How do you know she's eating enough?"  "I could never breastfeed because it made me too nervous not knowing if she had enough to eat."  If the baby is hungry, it will eat.  It's it's not hungry, it won't.  If it's happy, satisfied, and growing. . . it's eating enough.  I'm never tempted to force the boob on her to get her to eat 'just one more ounce'.  If she's done, she's done.  (Which also helps her learn portion control and prevent obesity, BTW).  Nursing a newborn DOES take alot of time.  It was pretty normal for B and S to nurse for 45 minutes or more their first several weeks of life.  But once they get older, they get more efficient.  A 6 month old can eat an entire meal in 5 minutes.  Not only because of their efficiency at nursing, but because your body is SO smart, it makes milk exactly how they need it, increasing the fat content as they get older.  So while a formula fed baby may be up to 8 or 10 ounces (or more) for a feed, breastfed babies always take in about 4-6 ounces.  Put in the time in the beginning and the pay off is totally worth it!

So next time you read the "Con" list in a Parenting book or magazine, realize that it's not ALWAYS actually a bad thing.

Baby Girl's Birth Story

Well, here we are!  It's crazy to think how SLOW those last few weeks of pregnancy go - dragging on day by day by day.  Then when your baby is born, you can't seem to figure out where the time has gone.

My beautiful little girl was born Tuesday, June 12th at 6:49 in the evening.  A VERY healthy 10lbs 4oz and 22.5 inches long.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to post the birth story first or my Hypnobabies review, so bear with me cuz I'm doing it all in one.  If you haven't read my Hypnobabies post, it might help you understand what I'm saying.  (Link: http://www.thegoodlet-down.blogspot.com/2012/06/hypnobabies.html)

I started this all off with a very specific, yet somewhat flexible plan in mind.  I wanted a natural birth.  I wanted to keep things private and personal.  I'd read up and decided not to give Hepatitis B, no vitamin K injection, no eye cream.  No circumcision (if it were a boy).  No formula.  No pitocin. No breaking my water.  Wow, I sound really high maintenance. 


The morning of the 12th, I woke around 8:30am and got up to pee. I always have lots of contractions and sleep like crap at night, and it seemed like a pretty ordinary night to me.  I usually would have contractions when I turned around to reposition or what-not, and I don't remember that night being any different than any other night.  Immediately when I woke, I starting having contractions that were much stronger than any I’d been having and by 9:00 I was certain I was in labor. Lee had to be at work at 9am, so he had literally JUST left home.  I called him back home and he was by my side within a few minutes.  At this point, my pressure waves (contractions) were about 5-7 minutes apart.

Isabelle was still asleep at the time, so when she woke Lee started taking care of her while I finished getting ready.  So. . . yes, I knew I was in labor, but I still had the umph to shower, get dressed, put on makeup, etc.  I was trying to use my Hypnobabies techniques as much as I could, so early on I took my deep breaths, turned my light switch off, spent some time in my safe place, and then continued throughout the rest of my labor at home, usually in the center position so I could move around freely.  Hypnobabies suggests you bring treats for the labor and delivery nurses (since they'll have to put up with your unusual demands and so they like you) so I started baking brownies.  During contractions, I would usually close my eyes and find something to support me and continue with the hypnosis scripts to ease myself through the pressure waves.  At one point, I was leaning on the kitchen counter with my head in my arms and B asks me, "Mommy??  You okay?"  :)  I assured her mommy was fine and that I was just trying to relax.

Lee started to worry - perhaps the fully awake, taking, joking me to the sudden Hypnobabies me freaked him out, but he ordered me upstairs to lie down.  After maybe an hour, the contractions were only every 3-4 minutes.  I called Lee upstairs and asked him to call my dad to watch B, because I might need him and we might need to leave soon.  I was having a lot of pain in my back, and remember thinking it would be nice to get a back rub :)  While Lee called my dad, packed out bags, and got things together, B stayed in the room with me while I labored.  It was really probably the most memorable part of my labor, having her there with me in bed and cuddling.  I had my Hypnobabies tracks playing on the iPod, and she would listen in with me.  It was kind of funny watching her close her eyes like mommy, too.  We rubbed eachothers backs, gave hugs and kisses. . . it was pretty great.

Around 11 (only 2 hours after my labor seemed to begin) we decided to head to the hospital.  When I arrived I was shocked to find out I fully effaced and 7cm dilated.  While the contractions were strong, I was expecting worse.  I was uncomfortable, but not in any extreme pain.  I got lucky and had a WONDERFUL nurse, who was actually the same nurse that delivered B.  They put me in a room with a tub, and having the warm water was wonderful.  Really, my belly and legs weren’t too bad during contractions, but I was having HORRIBLE back labor that I hadn’t prepared for and that was the worst of it.  Hypnobabies had prepared me for the belly and leg discomfort, but not so much the back labor.  Back labor usually means that the baby is posterior, so we (or the nurse) was concerned that the baby was "back to back" and was suggesting positions to help her turn.  The nurse was great at offering suggestions for new positions and things that might keep me comfortable.  After 3 hours of laboring in the hospital, I asked the nurse to check me again and found out I was STILL at 7cm.  WHAT?!  I went from 3-7 in virtually no time but now I've been at 7 for over 3 hours?!  I did find out later that it's normal for women to get "stuck" at 7cm for awhile.  This is right before transition when things can get really intense, so it's your body's way of taking a break.  This, in conjunction with being in a hospital, is what I blame.  It is also normal for your body to slow down labor when you get to an unfamiliar place, hence why home births can be better for many women.  By 3:30 I hit transition and then they got really strong. Again - the back pain I wasn't prepared for!! I think when I hit transition, all of my Hypnobabies skills went down the crapper.  My sister (go Jen!) was kind enough to suggest and get my iPod for me to listen to some audio, but at that point I had already broken my concentration (I think when I got frustrated at my lack of progress) and I was having a hard time focusing on what the audios were saying.  Mostly because I couldn't get the darned ear plugs to stay in my ears!!  Around 4:45 I wasn’t sure I could keep doing it.  It was somewhat pain-based - it DID hurt, but it was mostly fear telling me to get an epidural.  I started to worry that the baby was too big. . . that I wouldn't be able to push her out and would need a cesarean.  Or that I would get too tired and not be able to continue. . .  I started to believe that it was never going to end!!!  All of the stuff they TELL you you will think and say when you are in transition and ALMOST done.  Everyone kept insisting I was doing a great job and I was almost there. ('LIARS!' I thought)  What I really should've listened to was my Birth Affirmations CD. . . but hind-sight is always 20/20, right?  When the nurse checked I was almost 10cm and just had a tiny lip to go on one edge of my cervix. 5:00 I was ready to push and she called for the Dr.

First I didn't realize the doctor isn't normally there for the pushing.  I laugh at myself a little because I was dreaming of a "two pushes and she's out" birth, so I was kinda afraid to do anything!  But. . . I did.  About 5 pushes in my water finally broke and shot about 10’ across the room, Luckily my mom had gotten out of the way, or she would've had quite a clean-up on her hands.  And body.  And legs.  And maybe even her face. It was full of meconium (baby poo), so they had to have the NICU team called just incase the baby inhaled any during delivery and aspirated.  So I pushed.  And pushed.  And pushed.  I was getting discouraged when we still couldn’t see a head after an hour. I was asking the nurse, "Why can't we see her head yet?!" "What if she's too big?!".  She just kept reassuring me, but also couldn't promise she was GOING to come.  I was scared.

 Finally around 6:20 we saw the head. . . She would be SOOOO close, feelin' that ring of fire, and then dip back in. The doctor was able to feel her head and see that she was posterior and probably knew I needed some help getting that giant head out.  He numbed my perineum with some lidocaine at 6:45 and the next push gave me an episiotomy and she FINALLY came out after about an hour and 45 minutes of pushing.  Because of the meconium, the NICU team had to sweep her away immediately so I wasn’t able to see her and Lee wasn't able to cut the umbilical cord.  The first time I saw her was actually a picture my sister took that I looked at on the viewfinder of my camera. :/  The placenta came out soon after. . . I think the doctor pulled on the cord a little and I was/am upset about that b/c I had asked that he not  But my pain was still so high and I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to argue.   He gave me 3 more syringes full of lidocaine to help numb me for the repair. . . but you wouldn't have known.  It was pretty painful; honestly maybe even more painful than any of the labor or birth.  I think not being able to see her was the hardest part of the whole process.  When the doctor finished suturing, he double checked me internally and found a tear that went all of the way through further up.  Apparently when Sophia came out, not only was she posterior but was twisted and twisting around in strange ways and caused the internal trauma.  The repair was too extensive to do with local anesthetic, so I had to go to the O.R. for surgery.  By now about 45 minutes had passed; I was finally able to see Sophia for about 10 min before I left.  She nursed great and was absolutely beautiful. . . the procedure took about 50 min and I had to get a spinal (not the same as an epidural, but similar). Which was kinda depressing, but I was glad I still at least birthed naturally and honestly it was nice to have relief from the pain. 

By the time I got back to the recovery room, held my baby, and moved to the post-partium room it was already past 9pm and I was BEYOND exhausted.  Thinking back on everything that happened in the last 12 hours. . . WOW!  At the same point, I remember thinking it didn't seem like 12 hours had passed - definitely more like. . . 4-5.  Which sounds totally crazy, but that's even what they say happens with Hypnobabies.  I remember at one point during labor looking at the clock and asking my mom if the time was right b/c it seemed to be at least a few hours fast.  And now, I totally understand what everyone says about birthing naturally! It was very empowering.  I know it's not for everyone, but in some effect, I feel like every woman should experience it; like a rite of passage.  It totally changes the birth experience in a positive way.  You do feel some pretty big lows when you are in the middle of it, but looking back it wasn’t all that bad. Either that or hypnobabies screwed w/ my mind to make me believe it to be that way!  I loved the control I felt this time around.   Part of it might have just been because I was more informed, but I really felt like a active participant in my childs birth, and not so much just another patient rolling through the doors.  But Totally, 100% without a doubt worth it!!  

Hypnobabies

On this oh-so enlightening journey into my second pregnancy, I have become so much more aware and so much more educated than I ever was with B.  With B, I think I was just so excited to be a mom and had so much to learn about babies in general, I never took the time to really learn about the whole process.  I had a fairly simple, uncomplicated pregnancy and just trusted in the medical system and although I was hoping for a natural child-birth, wasn't too worried about it one way or the other.

And of course, this time around has been much different.  I originally had told myself that I was going to get an epidural earlier rather than later.  Then silly me started reading stuff. . . they say knowledge is power, but really it just gave me a new understanding for how the birthing process works.  All of the effects medications can have. . . the domino effect that comes along with it.  So I decided I DID want to try for a natural childbirth again and limit interventions as much as I possibly could.

But I was scared.  Terrified, actually.  Although I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, I still do remember Isabelle's birth pre-epidural and it wasn't fun.  How could I do that?  I'm not very pain tolerant (AT ALL), did I really think I could manage?

Well God Bless my crunchy mom group.  Awhile ago I'd read an article titled, "You Know You're Crunchy When. . . " that mentioned Hypnobabies but didn't think much about it.  Then it came up again here and there. . . then when I made the official decision to try for a natural birth, a fellow momma recommended it (highly) to me, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Ok, I know what you must be thinking;  Seriously? Hypnosis for child-birth?  What a crock.  Yea, I was there, too.  First off, let's de-bunk some stuff.  First, this is NOT what you think of when you think of hypnosis.  I'm not going to listen to some wacko CD, knock myself out, and be in a hypnotic "zone" for all of my childbirth.  I'm not going to be under someone's hypnotic control and unable to think, talk, or move around for myself.  This is a self-hypnosis.  More specifically, it is "Eye-Open Childbirth Hypnosis" which allows me to be mobile, open my eyes, and not be dependent upon passively listening to deep relaxation and guided imagery audios.  While there are CD's I can listen to during my Birthing Time, it is merely a guide.  I am able to come in and out of hypnosis at my choosing.

Let's start from the beginning.  Obviously, since I'm still pregnant (40 weeks and 6 days, thank you very much) I can't say yet how it affected my Birthing Time.  When I first began Hypnobabies, I noticed quite a few differences.  First, I was feeling more positive about my pregnancy.  Part of the Hypnobabies program is to rid your subconscious of all of the negative feelings and perceptions of pregnancy and childbirth.  In other counties, it is seen as a gift!  A rite of passage, if you will.  Women actually look forward to it.  There is no fear or doubt involved it is simply a beautiful, natural process.  Obviously here in the US, it is much much different.  So hypnobabies starts with changing the words you use that might be perceived as negative.  For example, you don't DELIVER your baby, you GIVE BIRTH (we deliver pizzas).  You're not having CONTRACTIONS, you're having PRESSURE WAVES.  You aren't in labor (labor is hard work!), you are in your BIRTHING TIME.  The images and thoughts your subconscious associates with many words are unpleasant, so they want to reset that way of thinking.  Also, throughout your entire pregnancy once you begin the program, you listen to a "Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations" track that is full of positive messages regarding your pregnancy and Child Birth.  Things like, "I love my pregnant body and accept it every day", "It is safe for me to verbalize my feelings and desires", "My baby knows how and when to be born, and I am patient".  Stuff like that.  And while I'll admit, the first few times it felt really hoaky, I will say that just a few days into the program I started feeling better.  Now, I actually look forward to listening to them and will turn them on whenever I am feeling discouraged or negative to boost me back up.  And - even better - I started sleeping better.  Normally, it would take me several hours to fall asleep at night.  Now, I can put in a Hypnobabies track, and I am out in about 15 minutes.  That alone made it worth it!!

So the program runs in a series of 5 week courses.  I had the self-study program that I got from my beloved friend, Gretchen, a mid-wives assistant.  You can buy the program online for about $150.  Some hospitals offer courses through their obstetrics classes and are usually around $250 (or at least the Hypnobabies course at IU West was).  So all you sceptics out there, come on!  If it's taught by a certified RN at a prestigious hospital does that mean something to you?!  There are also people - usually doulas and midwives - who take courses to be certified as a Hypnobabies instructor and offer classes, as well.  I started a little late - I was 36 weeks already, so I did an accelerated version of the program and started a new week every 4-5 days instead of every 7.  This obviously isn't ideal, but hopefully it will still be as effective for me, especially since I've still been able to practice my techniques for 7 weeks now since I'm past my "Guess Date" (another Hypno-term).

So besides being more positive about my pregnancy and sleeping better, I also recommend Hypnobabies because of all of the information in the course material.  It gives excellent information on nutrition, pregnancy exercises, and explains the birthing process in great detail.  Of course it explains hypnosis and how it works, it has tips on birthing positions and what to do when your birthing time comes, not to mention the pushing stage, breastfeeding, and much more.  I really believe ANY mom - especially a new mom - should read it.  For me, most importantly was the understanding I received on how the uterine muscles work.  And they work best when the body is completely relaxed.  Let me assure you, I was NOT completely relaxed when I was in my Birthing Time with B!!  But this depth of relaxation can be reached fairly easily with hypnosis and once I was able to learn the skill and practice them at home every day,  it made me more confident that my experience this time around will be much, much more comfortable and positive.

In addition to the "Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations" and course material, each week you also have a series of hypnosis CD's that you listen to and practice with, that teach you different hypnosis tools.  These tracks are AMAZING.  I would get into a deep enough state of hypnosis that I usually zoned out about mid-way through.  Sleeping or not - it's okay - because your subconscious is always listening!  (Although I like to think I was just in a deep state of hypnosis since I usually woke right at the end of the track or shortly after).  Hypnobabies teaches you to go into your own self-hypnosis by using a technique called the "Finger Drop Technique".  It is what it sounds like - simply dropping your right index finger you easily and automatically close your eyes and (through the training) go into a deep, relaxed state of hypnosis.  I do this 5 (or more) times a day and - in theory - each time I am teaching my body to become more and more relaxed with the finger drop.  You learn it through breathing exercises they teach you - through words that you say to yourself - by creating mental images that bring peace and relaxation - many many things all put together.

Hypnobabies also allows you to remain alert and continue moving freely during your Birthing Time by creating for you a "mental light switch".  So when you first do your finger drop, you are switching your mental light switch to "off", so your body should go completely limp and loose.  Later in the series, you develop the center position.  In the center position, the area between the top of your chest and the middle of your thighs [is taught] to remain limp and loose, while the rest of your body can now move, allowing you to speak, walk, and do anything you need to do to remind comfortable.  But you control the switch, hence why it is a SELF hypnosis.

It's all really very simple and like I said, I love it now even if things don't go as planned.  Hopefully by learning and practicing hypnosis, I will have more control over my body and emotions.  I'll be able to be an active participant in my birth process and be able to trust in my body's natural ability to give birth.  Rumor has it mothers who use hypnobabies have shorter labors because they are able to remain more relaxed and allow their bodies to do their job.  They typically have more energy because of this relaxation and the birth environment in general is much more calm and peaceful.  Statically, 70-75% of Hypno-moms report they had very comfortable births, feeling mostly pressure, tightening or mild cramping sensations.  Hopefully I'll fall into that percentage!!

Hypnobabies Birth on YouTube

Being Born is a Complicated Process

Some things, I'm glad I find out. I never realized how much I DIDN'T know about B's birth and everything that went on. I was a very trusting new mother. They know what they're doing, right?

Well, turns out. . . a lot of it is a bunch of milarky.

Let's start at the beginning. First, when I went into the hospital with Isabelle I probably wasn't in true labor. It was probably just another long evening of "false labor" for me. Although I was contracting every 3-5 min from 2pm until the wee hours of the morning there at the hospital, they weren't that bad (or at least I would soon find out they really weren't that bad, in comparison). But my blood pressure was high and I'd only dilated 1 cm from 9pm-2am, so they gave me the option of starting pitocin or having my water broken. I heard horror stories about pitocin, so I elected to have my water broken - also known as ARM (artificial rupture of the membranes) or amniotomy.

It all sounds good and nice - simple poke here, a yank there, a goosh down below and before you know it, you have yourself a baby!! Unfortunately, when you have an amniotomy performed there are risks. First, there is a risk for infection. Because of this risk, after having ARM you are now on a time clock - most hospitals want your baby born 12-24 hours after having your water broken. Also, it takes away the fore waters that would normally equalize pressure on the cervix. This often causes the cervix to dilate unevenly. Women that are induced by any means (be it amniotomy, pitocin, cervidil) are also at an increased risk for cesarean. There is risk that the umbilical cord could prolapse, gushing out ahead of the baby and into the canal, so every time you have a contraction, their oxygen supply is cut off. Also, since the fluid is no longer there to protect the baby, the pressure from the contractions are directed directly on the baby (and it's umbilical cord), which can cause unneeded discomfort and stress on the baby's part. Also, breaking the water releases hormones that cause contractions to quicken and become more intense and painful, so most mothers (like me!) aren't able to cope with the sudden full-throttle agony making those pain meds harder and harder to turn down.

I always thought you HAD to have your water broken if it didn't break on it's own. Turns out - you don't! Although nearly 100% of laboring mothers in hospitals have their water broken, there is rarely a medical reason to do so. It is simply the hospital hoping it will quicken the process and get you out of their room sooner. In a normal labor, the water often doesn't break until well into the labor or during pushing. On rare cases, the baby is actually born with the amniotic sac still intact, known as "en caul", which is historically known to be a sign of good

luck in many cultures. So with baby Squirt, I hope to keep those juices intact as long as I can. (For detailed information, go here.)

So then, little baby is finally born! They pop out, the cord is clamped and cut, and they are handed over to you for a few short minutes so you can see your precious new bundle, then swept away to get tested. Sounds normal, right? Wrong again!

While many doctors are quick to snip, it is actually to the best interest of the baby to wait until the umbilical cord stops pulsating before clamping it off. By cutting too soon, research shows that it not only deprives the newborn of a significant amount of it's OWN blood (increasing their risk for anemia) - about 54-160ml - but it also decreases their iron levels. If a cord isn't cut until the pulsating stops, it will give the baby enough iron stores for at least 6 months - crucial for breastfed babies.

It's debatable whether breastfed babies should be supplemented with iron. B wasn't. Too little iron can cause neurological issues and developmental delays. Too much tends to cause slower growth and digestive problems. So why not avoid both problems and get the baby off to the right start from birth? (Literally!!)

Once the cord is cut, those first few moments out of the womb can be critical ones. The hospital staff is eager to run their tests, take their measurements, and get on with the rest of their day. But this could be the most important part of your new relationship with your little one! To begin with, it is best if the baby is simply dried off and put on the mother skin to skin. Babies should be given the opportunity to breastfeed as soon as they show interest. They are more likely to latch on and latch well without any help, especially if the mother was unmediated during labor and birth. Their blood sugar is also higher during skin to skin contact. Now is the time to look into your babies eyes, comfort him, and

begin the bonding process. And no hospital warmer will work better than your own body heat. Not to mention skin to skin contact helps regulate their body temperature and stabilize their heart and breathing rates. On a biological note, it allows the baby to be colonized by the same bacteria as the mother. This, in conjunction with breastfeeding, can help prevent allergic diseases. There is no reason why babies shouldn't be able to be with their mothers for the first hour immediately following their birth. Hospital routines can wait; this is more important.

While the baby is on your chest, there are some simples tests and procedures that the nurses can do with you right there. However, some tests I'll be opting out of this time around. For good reason (or at least so I think).

Routinely, newborns receive a Hepatitis B vaccine and a Vitamin K injection. Hepatitis B is a sexually transmitted virus. So if you know the basics of how you contract an STD, you will understand than unless I had Hepatitis B, there is no way for the baby to contract it. And I don't so. . . we're not getting it right now. (But still plan to vaccinate around 24 months, just in case).

Vitamin K is given to help with blood clotting. Although only about .25-1% of babies need it, it is still given routinely. But if you have a healthy, full term, normal birth weight baby born with minimal interventions -- and even more so if you won't be circumcising -- you probably won't need it. Why not give it anyways? Well, first is it's cruel, in my opinion, to inflict any unnecessary pain immediately following birth. The dose is also 20,000 times the needed dose. (WHAT?!). It contains preservative that can be toxic to their delicate immune system. And some studies have shown a link between vitamin K injections and childhood cancer (which can be disputed). Instead, oral vitamin K is safe and effective. While you can administer it directly to the newborn, nursing mothers can instead supplement themselves with vitamin K and pass it on to their babies through their milk. So lets see. . . shoot my baby with a likely unnecessary supplement or simply take a pill for a few months. . . I choose the later.

And you know all of those pictures of goopey-eyed newborn? That "goop" is an eye ointment call erthromycin. It is used to protect the babies eyes from infection - infection I always thought was just from my mommy yuckies down there. Well, it's actually to protect them from the bacteria that causes gonorrhea or chlamydia. So if you are 100% certain you don't have gonorrhea or chlamydia, there is no reason why your newborn needs these somewhat painful and irritating eye drops. I also read some infants are allergic to the drops, and I can't help but wonder if that's why B came home with puffy, swollen eyes. Our society insists on making everything so freekin' sterile. That baby just came out of my vagina, give me a break! By not having the eye drops in, my baby will be able to look up and gaze at his mother without a filmy haze.

With B, once she was swept away my doctor began working on getting my placenta out. I assumed that since I'd had an epidural that I wouldn't know when to push or how to do it, so she just took it out for me and I was instructed to lie back and relax. I thought this was normal. It's not (or at least not in the general sense).

Ideally, it is best to let the placenta separate from your uterine wall naturally. Normally, the placenta is delivered 10-20 minutes after the birth of the baby, sometimes as long as 30 minutes. If you wait too long you can risk hemorrhage (although removing it doesn't mean you won't hemorrhage), but if you pull it off manually it is painful, fragments may be left behind (causing more bleeding and anemia) and it can also lead to endometriosis.

So that's it; that's what I've learned about the birth process. Are you surprised?

Let's Talk About Weaning

Well, it's happened. And honestly, I've been avoiding blogging about it or documenting it in any way because I'm still not really sure how I feel about it. My baby girl has weaned.

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I was at a loss as to were to start with this. I realize less than 3/4 of babies are breastfed from the get-go. By 6 months, less than 1/2 (about 42%)of mother's are still breastfeeding. By 1 year, less than 1/4 (around 20%) are still there. So of course, the numbers of children breastfed up to 2 years is minuscule. So I see B as a very lucky, very healthy, very privileged little girl that got that liquid gold for so long.

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When I got pregnant with "Squirt" I was really determined not to let it affect my breastfeeding relationship with B. First, I was just really sore. But I was hopeful that I would be among the percentage of women that lost that symptom after the first trimester. I wasn't.

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In fact, not only did the pain not go away, it got worse. Then my supply dwindled. No -- it didn't dwindle. . it was completely eradicated. I joked that I was blowing dust, although in all reality, I soon began producing the colostrum that the baby would be getting immediately following birth. Which the taste B didn't really care for. On a few occasions, she told me it was "Yuck".

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Despite the change in taste, B kept on nursing but just seemed to nurse. . . differently. Not actively nursing to get something, more just comfort sucking. Unfortunately, to my body sucking was sucking. . . and by this point I was well into my second trimester so the oxytocin that is released when breastfeeding was telling my uterine muscles to contract. For me, they were rather uncomfortable and also continued on for quite some time even after she was finished. So now I had a toddler with a poor latch sucking on sore nipples while having contractions. I was over it.

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Luckily for me, B has never been a major boob hog. I honestly don't remember where we were with nursing when I became pregnant, but I presume she was nursing around 3-5 times a day. She easily went down to only nursing before nap and bed as I began distracting her with other things during the day. To someone who doesn't breastfeed, this might seem silly. "Really? Your toddler is STILL nursing that much all day?!" But think about how many toddlers are still taking a bottle, or even more so how many still need a pacifier to soothe. It's the same thing, only not only am I trying to deprive her of her biggest comfort, but also a huge source of nutrition, protection against illness, and many many other long-term benefits that are crazy to just throw away like it's just some silicone prosthetic. (Are you sensing the guilt oozing from my pores?!)

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When it became too much for me and I started contemplating weaning, first I told myself I would just try to get down to her nursing once/day. Surely I could suck it up and endure it if it only happened once every 24 hours, right? I decided to eliminate the bedtime session next, since I often didn't get a nap out of her if she didn't nurse to sleep. I was terrified.

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Thanks to KellyMom.com, La Lache League, and my Toasted and Crunchy mommas, I went into it with lots of info and was ready to pursue the dropped session and semi-weaning in the most gentle way possible. First, for at least 2 weeks before we gave it up I would talk to B about not nursing before bed anymore. "In 'X' days, we are going to try to go to bed without getting Mommy's milk. Instead we'll get to hug and cuddle and kiss and have yummy snacks, just no milk." Sometimes I would also explain that mommy's breasts were starting to hurt and so I would need a break. The first night went so much better than I expected. I reminded her that today was the day we weren't going to get Mommy's milk, and instead we had a smoothie (yogurt + milk) and some cheese and snuggled in the rocker and read books. When I laid her down, she did then ask for milk, and I reminded her that we weren't going to get Mommy's milk before bed anymore and explained that Mommy's milk hurt (and had put bandaids on my chest to show her) and she took to it fine. Of course then she was a little obsessed with Mommy's "Boo-Boo's", but laid down and went to bed like a pro. I think (*think*) there was a night or two that she started to fuss and get upset about not getting milk, so I let her nurse. But for the most part, it was pretty easy and she was done and it was never a big deal. SCORE!

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Then her 2nd birthday came along. Since we needed her crib for the baby, we switched her over to a twin bed and gave her all of my old bedroom furniture from when I was a little girl and got new fancy bedding and made a big deal out of what a big girl she was. That one nursing session I was planning on keeping disappeared. I think since we lost the toddler bed and the rocker that we usually nursed in, she just forgot about it. She stopped asking. I offered a few times and was refused, so eventually I just didn't offer it anymore (hesitantly. . . constantly questioning myself as usual). And that was it. My baby was weaned. Four days before her second birthday. . . she was done.

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There has been two La Lache meetings that she randomly asked to nurse and latched for under 60 seconds. When my sister had her baby 4 weeks ago B did suddenly peak interest again and asked to nurse maybe two or three times, then just gave me a look like, "This is weird" and stopped, sometimes before even really nursing for real. It's like she's forgotten how to do it. If she wants to nurse after Squirt is born, I'm fine with that. I'm certainly not going to give her one more reason to be jealous of the baby and honestly, I don't think her interest will stick around for long. To me, it makes more sense to let her join in on the fun and get some bonus nutrition and bond with mommy and the new baby than turn it into a fight.

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Since weaning, I do get SO many more snuggles that I ever did when B was breastfeeding. Of course she was snuggling while nursing, but it's different when they want to cuddle and hug with no strings attached. Even though it hasn't been long, so far she hasn't gotten sick so I don't have to feel like I'm prolonging her illness by not offering any antibodies. And she still eats well for a 25 month old, so I don't worry about her diet and nutrition TOO much. We're in a good place. Now I just have to make it through the next 2.5 months!

Funny things my baby does

Ok, I should put Baby in quotes ("Baby") since - holy crap - she's TWO now. . . but okay, whatever.

She's always cracked me up and it's even harder to remember to record those funny moments. But here are a few I wanted to note before I forgot.

• We recently started potty training. She prefers to sit without a training seat on the big toilet and sit backwards. When she poops, she'll wave and say "hi" to the poop, blow it a kiss, and the first time she pooped on the potty she also pointed out to me where the mouth was. Aka, the pinched off end :)
• EVERYTHING right now is mommy/daddy. She likes to point out mommies and daddies at the store. If there are two adult sized items together, it's mommy and daddy. Like her rubber duckies at bath time. Or her horse stickers we just bought. And if she can, she likes to make mommy and daddy object kiss. <3 The funniest was yesterday when she woke from nap and pointed to Dumbo the elephant and said, "Daddy. Dumbo." Buhahaha!!!
• Since Aunt Jen had her baby, Isabelle has been wanting to pretend to be a baby again. She wants to be held like a baby, sit on my lap to eat, and have me give her her sippie of milk while being cradled. I don't mind indulging her, but after finally decided to wean her from breastfeeding (via don't offer, don't refuse), she's suddenly deciding to want to nurse again. But yesterday, she wanted to nurse from daddy. And he let her try; w/o much luck. Then she kept asking for "Daddy's milk" over and over and we had to explain to her that only mommies make milk and I would have some again once the baby came out of my belly.

Funny quirks I want to remember when she's 16:

• She loves to wear sunglasses. And usually upside down. Inside, outside, rain or shine, she wants her "Gasses".

• She finally learned our dog, Cierra's, name. So now, Cierra is referred to as Ci-Ci but McKenna (who we call Mac) is still either dog, woof-woof, or also gets called Ci-Ci.

• When the dogs are being bad, she's say, "Egh-egh!!" at them just like mommy. Unfortunately she's also learned if they come too close to her when she wants space, she can just scram at the top of her lungs and they'll leave her alone.

• She almost ALWAYS will ask for cheese before bed. It's a good bedtime snack, at least :)

• She loves to dance and hula. And baths. And tutus and somersaults. And boots. And Mickey Mouse.

Non-Crunchy Confessions

I'm still not sure how a blog that started out as a blog for documenting B and things we do (and why) has turned into such a "Crunch-tastic" blog. . . but it's almost making me feel guilty.

You can laugh at me now when I tell you I actually tried to google search "What it means to be crunchy" to give everyone an accurate description. . . but I didn't have much luck as far as an *official* definition. To me, when I think of being crunchy I think of hippies. Tree huggers. Vegetarians. Vegans. Conservationists. Natural is the best word I can think of that doesn't inflate any negative sparks. Typically crunchy moms support home births, breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, gentle discipline, healthy eating, etc. Typically, we're pretty far on the left, politically speaking (but lets not go there. . . )

So yes, I consider myself pretty crunchy. But I'm definitely no pro. So for the fairness of anyone who might be looking at me (or this blog) expecting this glory-glory bra-less, placenta pill taking home grower. . . I need to make my confessions now. I may be back to edit this (aka add to) on several occasions. By the end, I probably won't look very crunchy anymore. . .

Confession #1 - I enjoy fast food.

Yikes. I know. Fast food is disgusting. The food quality is horrible. The meat is below dog-food grade, the saturated fats and artificial colors and flavors are over the top. . . but I enjoy it. Although I grocery shop for only organic meat and prefer my daughter only eat organic milk and eggs. . . I love McDonalds Big Macs. It's backwards. . . I know.

Confession #2 - I'm too much of a worrier and a wimp to do a home birth.

Midwives are awesome. And how far they have come with the technology and everything behind it is amazing. If you haven't seen Ricki Lake's Birth Documentary, you should (view the trailer here). I would LOVE to give birth naturally in the comfort of my home. But I'm a worrier. And I have a low pain tolerance. And I'm too scared. So I'll be delivering in a hospital for the second time in May or June. Hopefully without induction, without having my water broken, without using pitocin. . . but honestly, probably with an epidural.

Confession #3 - My crunchinessis over-due.

I was always earthy. . . always into conservation and the environment. . . always knew I would breastfeed. But lots of other things came after Isabelle was born, after I learned new things and decided what I felt passionate about and what worked for us. Attachment Parenting, Gentle Discipline, Amber Teething Necklaces, Cloth Diapering Baby Wearing, Vaccinations, Extended Rear-Facing or the idea of Extended Breastfeeding. . . all things that I didn't grasp or even know about until she was at least 8 months old. My birth experience was not crunchy. We didn't co-sleep a day (or night) in our lives. I only wore her when it was convenient now and again, but I can probably count the number of times on one hand.

Confession #4 - I don't cloth diaper at night and randomly during the day.

I cloth diaper about 90% of the time during the day. If we have a long car trip, outing, or if dad is home with her for the day, we use disposables. At night, she's always in those nasy ol' sposies. So although I only contribute to landfills about 1/6 as much. . . I still do :(

Confession #5 - Isabelle and I both enjoy sweets.

My family (I think) thinks I'm too strict with Isabelle and her sugar intake. But I'm really not (in comparison). For her birthday, she had a regular old cake -- no homemade banana cake, no dairy free, sugar free cake, no cake with extra health-building ingredients. She's a really good eater, so if she's eaten well I'll give her a cookie, or a piece of candy, or some ice cream.

Confession #6 - I use birth control. . . or would if I could/wanted to

I'm pretty sure that's not-crunchy. Obviously I'm knocked up now, but I have no problem killing off those little swimmers or keeping my body from ovulating or whatever I have to do, even if it is unnatural.

Confession #7 - I don't do elimination communication.

If you don't know what it is and WANT to know - go here. I just haven't gotten there yet. . . probably never will. . . but props to those that do.

Confession #8 - B was fully vaccinated on schedule.

Obviously this kind of goes with #3 but I thought it deserved it's own category. To see my current stance, go here. I was too busy learning about other things before I got to vaccines. . . so I was late on the ball.

Confession #9 - We aren't Vegan or Vegetarian and I rarely can afford organic produce.

We only eat organic meat in our home (going out to eat or at in a guests home is another thing) and therefore don't eat it often. . . but we DO eat it. Same with dairy, etc. I would LOVE to be able to buy all organic produce, but it's simply not feasible right now.

Confession #10 - We don't have a compost pile and grow very few things at home.

My goal this summer is to at least get a compost bin going again and get a larger garden with more fruits and veggies. . . but in comparison, we are definitely lacking in that area.

Camera Phone Uploads!!!

<-- Me and Isabelle "baby wearing". She went through a phase when she wanted held all of the time between about 6 weeks-10 weeks (if even that long) so I wore her in my Infantino or another carrier I had. But usually never longer than a few hours, just to get stuff done in the house. I didn't realize all of the benefits of baby wearing until she was at least 8-10 months old

<---- Isabelle in her crib. She was in her crib from the first day she was home from the hospital and on. I was blessed with a good sleeper in the younger years, so it made it easy. I was so worried about starting a "habit". . . again, I didn't realize all of the benefits (HEALTH benefits, too!) to co-sleeping. We tried to co-sleep later when she started having troubles, when we went on vacation, etc. . . but since she has always been

in her crib, if we are there she thinks it's play time and we've never gotten her to go to sleep!

<----- with Daddy getting ice cream. We get it lots in the summer. . .

<-----B in her car seat. I didn't discover extended rear-facing until she was over 12 months, so she was actually foward facing for a month or so before I happened to fall upon an article on Baby Center and then quickly flopped her back around.

Picking my battles

I have the craziest memory. And for some reason, I remember when I was about 17 years old, working as a server at Pizza Hut. I came home on a particularly bad night when the kids that came in that evening were driving me crazy. I was complaining to my mom and saying that when I was a parent [insert snooty teenager voice here] I would never let my kids to *this* or *that*. I can vividly remember a particular child, maybe about 3 or 4, who kept standing up on the bench and I thought that was so inappropriate. I remember my mom laughing (out loud) at me and telling me sometimes when you're a parent, you just have to pick your battles. Of course me being the stubborn, argumentative woman I am had to fight her on it for a bit, but before long, I realized (to some extent) that she was totally right.

"Picking your battles" I really believe is one thing that can set parents apart. My mom was a genius and I didn't even realize it yet. Sometimes, it's hard not to get upset over every little thing, especially on a bad day. But I quickly realized that nit-picking everything that bothered me was exhausting for both of us. While I agree that it is important to teach our children what is right, it's also important as parents to realize what is simply an annoyance and what is a REAL issue.

For example: Getting upset with food being thrown on the floor. Or even in my beginning example, a small toddler jumping on the benches at a pizza joint. I try to think to myself, "Okay. . . in another few years, will this still be a problem, or will she likely grow out of it on her own?" I've found that 80% of the time, I realize it's not a battle to pick. B will not still throw food on the floor when she is 5. . . (actually, she doesn't even do it anymore now). She was simply experimenting with gravity. I really don't think if she stands up and/or jumps on the bench in a restaurant it will help either of us if I try to force her to sit, not to mention she's probably only doing it out of boredom. I don't forsee my 6-year old B doing the same thing.

I think some parents feel the need to control every little behavior because if they don't, they fear their child will never listen to them. They have this "nip it in the bud" mentality. Maybe they were held under a tight leash as a child and feel they must do the same. I think it's important to realize what is a true concern, and what is a fear-based response.

So for battles I'm not willing to pick, I can ignore it, redirect them, or just back-off. And for those bigger battles that as a parent, I'm entitled to fight? Good 'ol Attachment Parenting standards: Time-In, problem solving, and natural consequences.

Like they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff". And if you focus on your relationship more and stop worrying so much about what they are doing and if it's "okay", then when the big stuff does roll around - you'll know it -- and correcting it will be much easier.

Injections, drugs, and ouchies

Oh my Gosh are there so many things to think about when you're a parent. I'll be honest and say there is enough that poor Isabelle was a bit of a test child. I didn't know what I was doing. There weren't enough hours in the day (or night) to research every little thing that popped up, so I just focused on what was most important to me at the time and hoped the rest would be okay.

Well, so here comes baby #2, Squirt, and the first thing I wanted to find out more about was vaccine schedules. To start, I didn't really know a lot about vaccines. I didn't know what they were all for (Exactly. I might have known it was for Rotavirus, but I had no idea what Rotavirus was.) So I went by the recommended schedule for Isabelle and have up until now. I understand there is some criticism on vaccine and vaccine research, but I wasn't very familiar with what it was all about. So, it was time for me to do a bit of my own research.

To start, here is the American Academy of Pediatric 2011 Recommended Vaccine Schedule:

Birth: Hep B

1 month: Hep B

2 months: HIB, Pc, DTaP, Rotavirus, Polio

4 months: HIB, Pc, DTaP, Rotavirus, Polio

6 months: HIB, Pc, DtaP, Rotavirus, Hep B, Flu

1 year: MMR, Chickenpox, Hep A

15 months: HIB, Pc

18 months: DTap, Polio, Hep A, Flu

2 years: Flu (given every year at the start of flu season)

5 years: DTap, Polio, MMR, Chickenpox

11-12 years: Tdap, Meningococcal, HPV (3 doses)

16 years: Meningococcal

I'm going to try to talk about all of this without sounding really negative.

To sum up the arguments against vaccines, they go a little like this. First, shooting antigens, chemicals, and potentially dangerous ingredients into anyone is scary, let alone a small infant. Some vaccines aren't even that necessary based on the severity and prevalence of the disease. To some moms, the reactions (sometimes fatal) to vaccines just aren't worth it. Plus, there are some ethical issues behind many vaccines given today, as well.

Starting from the top, the first problem I discovered was the Hep B vaccine. Hepatitis B is a sexually transmitted virus which can only be contracted via the typical STD route or by sharing of IV drug needles or improperly sterilized tattoo needles. Vaccination programs began for high-risk groups in the 1980's (IV drug users, prostitutes, and sexually promiscuous adults) but it didn't work, since such groups typically don't come in for vaccines anyways. So then it was

decided that it would be best if we

simply vaccinated every single baby, instead of just those babies who needed it. So even though children don't actually need the protection (unless they have a positive hep B mother), doctors figured it was easier to vaccinate young. That's a bad reason for me, so I decided I wanted to postpone Hep B.

Next is the aluminum content in vaccines. I was really surprised to find out that there has been NO research - none, nada, zilch - done on the effects of aluminum being injected at high doses. Doses that in other forms are very harmful. The AAP recognizes that aluminum can cause neurological harm and that aluminum has been seen to build up in even healthy kidneys when HEALTHY people are exposed to even such simple things are IV solutions containing aluminum. The only study done on aluminum toxicity was in premature infants receiving aluminum through IV medications. Those that received IV solutions with aluminum showed impaired neurological and mental development. They were receiving about 500 micrograms spread out over 10 days, so about 50 micrograms per day. So they decided that yes, it is dangerous, but they never even checked with aluminum that is injected directly into your tissues and blood stream (like vaccines). Or in healthy babies. However, that 50 micrograms that seems to be too dangerous for premature infants. . . compare it to the 1,225 micrograms given in EACH round of vaccines you would give your child. Yikes. So, with that info, I decided to alternate the schedule so that Squirt would only receive one aluminum-containing vaccine at a time. Spacing out the vaccines also makes it easier to detect where a reaction came from, should one occur, as well and limiting the pokes and pricks and number of chemicals injected overall.

My next issue came with the use of animal & human tissues in the vaccines. Animal tissues only bother me a tiny bit. Mostly because although they screen these cells for other diseases and infections, there is always the chance that there is an unknown disease or infection in there. For example, between 1955-1963, some of the monkey kidney cells used to the polio vaccine contained a virus called PV-40. PV-40 is known to cause brain tumors, bone cancer, lumphoma, and mesolthelioma. That virus HAS been found in human tumors today and is genetically identical to that found in the vaccines fifty years ago. Also - more recently - in 2010 they found a virus called PCV1 and PCV2. These viruses cause organ failure and death. In pigs. Luckily this, as far as we know harmless in humans (although no research has been done). . . but still. Another familiar one; mad cow disease. We had been using cow tissues for decades before we even knew about mad cow. Could those tissues have been infected? Maybe.

But honestly, although animal tissues freak me out I can put it aside for the benefit of the vaccines as a whole. What scares me more in the use of human tissues. MMR, Chickenpox, Hep A, and Pentacel combo vaccine use the cells from aborted fetuses to grow the vaccine in numerous labs all over the US. Research on the DNA from the fetus cells shows that human DNA can trigger autoimmune reactions. So a person (or baby's) immune system will attack the foreign DNA, and this attack can then turn against the DNA of the person receiving the vaccine. Plus, same-species foreign DNA can actually insert itself into the DNA of the person or child, altering their genetic function. SAY WHAT?! Since all of the vaccines that contain human DNA is either not serious (like Hep A and Chicken Pox) or not common (MMR), I decided they can wait until Squirt and Isabelle are older and can decide for themselves what they would like to do.

And important thing I learned was that although Public schools require a child be fully immunized for entry, it isn't absolute. ALL states allow parents to waive vaccines for medical or religious reasons. (In the case of the human tissues, it is against many religions to abort, so therefore the use of aborted fetus cells is against their religion).

So, what is my [tentative] plan? Here you go:

2 months: DTaP, Rota

3 months: Pc, HIB

4 months: DTaP, Rota

5 months: Pc, HIB

6 months: DTaP, Rota

7 months: Pc, HIB

9 months: Flu, Polio (maybe. It no longer occurs in the US or western hemisphere so. . . dunno)

12 months: Polio (" ").

15 months: Pc, HIB

18 months: DTaP, Polio (maybe)

2 years: Hep B

2 years 1 mth:Hep B

3 years: Hep B

4 years: DTaP, Polio (maybe)

(5-11 years they can decide if they want to get MMR, Chicken Pox, or Hep A or I will have more info by then to decide one way or the other)

12 years: Tdap

13-14 years: HPV (3 doses)

16 years: Meningococcal

Notes from my schedule:

• Requesting HIB without aluminum
• Requesting Daptacel brand of DTaP and Adacel Brand of Tdap b/c they don't use animal or human issues
• Gives only one aluminum-containing vaccines at a time
• Postponing Hep B until 2 years b/c of why I mentioned above
• Beginning Polio at 9 mths (if at all) instead of 2 because it is no longer around
• Leaving vaccines that contain human tissues to a later age or not at all (TBD)
• Flu I will likely only give once during infancy due to their compromised immunity and then stop. I will only give a non-mercury vaccine or nasal spray

As far as Isabelle, I will be going through the shots she has already received, crossing them off my alternate schedule, and proceeding as usual. Not too complicated, right?

Okay. Now it's your turn!

Siblings without Rivalry

Now that baby Squirt is only 20 weeks away, I'm starting to try to prepare everyone for the new arrival. B gets daily lessons on the baby in mommy's belly. I'm already talking about the sleeping arrangements for Squirt with hubs, reading books on vaccinations, and of course getting ready to decorate the nursery. But the very first thing I worried about when the baby came, was how B would do with the addition. So, of course I did some book searches and found a great read: "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

I'm a sibling. As is most of the general population. Honestly, I don't really remember any siblings rivalry between me and my brother and sister, but it had to have been there, right? I had heard some CRAZY stories about sibling rivalry, and I just have this irrational fear that my children are going to hate each other and try to murder each other in their sleep.

The first thing that sticks in my mind from the book is how to handle arguments. Even when I taught at the daycare or would see issues arise with my own nephews, I would cringe

because I realized I had no idea how I would handle the situation if it were me. I *hate* that feeling. ("Ughhh. . . Duhhhhh. . . Wadda I do now??") First, it addresses the difference between play fighting and real fighting. If they are play fighting and suddenly Bobby is screaming that Jodi hit him [too hard], there is a general rule in the house that play fighting is okay as long as both kids are playing. If they get hurt, then the book teaches you how to teach them to handle it on their own. (By expressing to each other their feelings and how to play without getting hurt, or to just stop the play all together). When they aren't playing and another child is hitting for a malicious reason, it has you turn your focus onto the child that is hurt independently, leaving the other sibling out of the issue completely. You don't put the other child down, you only talk about the child you are talking to. "That must've really hurt! I bet you get frustrated when you are trying to do something and keep getting pushed down." It sounds simple, but really is genius. Imagine the difference between yelling, "Tommy!!! Stop hitting your sister! That's hurt her! Why you you always have to be so aggressive?!" (while practically ignoring the hurt child in the process) and instead focusing on the child in need and validating their feelings. It's not about telling them, "Tommy is so mean!" (in turn making them believe Tommy is mean and Tommy believing he is mean and hurtful), it's about putting the focus where it's important and solving issues in the process.

The book also has great points about labeling your children and putting them into "roles". Calling one kid smart and the other athletic limits them both and also spawns rivalry. To the smart child, they might feel pressure to keep up their genius status or they may not partake in sports they might otherwise enjoy in fear that their sibling(s) would out-shine them. The athletic child might see their smart counter-part as "better" or even think their parents like them more, giving them an excuse to [spitefully] slack in school. Meanwhile, feeling the pressure to be "tough" and "athletic" and bring home the trophies. Even positive labels have negative effects. Some of the points it makes about labeling are really eye-opening and made me even think about how I was labeled as a child and how it may have affected me.

Also, the book talks about "fairness" between siblings. It is pretty much impossible to always keep things fair and equal 100% of the time. It can also be very counterproductive and exhausting. The point (and really the point of the whole book) is to treat each child uniquely. Uniquely; not fairly. Just because Suzie gets a new lunch box because she needs one doesn't mean Sally needs one too. It's important to teach the children that they each are important individually and that they will have their needs met SEPARATE from their siblings.

On a similar note, it puts a new perspective on sharing that lots of parents can learn from. Sharing should be encouraged, not forced. Do we share our cars (daily, regularly, I mean)? No. Our cell phones? No. They are OURS. It has some great suggestions for elimnating the possibility for conflict and also teaches you how to handle situations so the children can work together, solve problems, and not always be screaming for you to be on their side. All while still recognizing their feelings and frustrations. Ahh-mazing.

I loved that this book recognized the children individually instead of putting them up against each other. Rivalry is normal and something they can use as a tool to help them learn how to form healthy, loving relationships. It's not about making them the best of friends, it's about teaching them the skills the need in every relationship in life. (Listening, Problem Solving, Empathy, etc.) There was a lot of Unconditional Parenting and Attachment Parenting ideas so I could relate; such a recognizing your children's feelings (even when negative) and validating their emotions instead of trying to tell them not to say that thing or feel that way. ("You don't hate your sister." "You don't want to kill him! Don't say that!" See? See?

I could go much more in-depth about its greatness, but really all I can say is it's a must-read for anyone with children or even expect to have children around one day. It's an easy read, you can easily skip chapter if you need to, and there are so many tools you can use for years and years. So much of it is common sense, but things most people don't even realize until it's spread out in front of them. So often we inadvertently set our children up for the bickering and fighting without even realizing what we are doing! Instead of seeing sibling rivalry as a doom-and-gloom to my future, I am now somewhat more optimistic knowing the control I have over it, how to turn it into something positive and healthy, and am excited [in a strange kind of way] to help them navigate through this relationship by doing my part as their parent.

Bring it on, Baby Squirt!!

My favorite quote:

"The be loved equally is somehow to be loved less. To be loved uniquely - for one's own special self - is to be loved as much as we need to be loved."