Target Nurse-In

This isn't something I would normall post on my blog, but this woman response to people's negative comments about Target's Nurse-In (this morning and 10am) was so perfect and so exactly what I think and feel, I felt like I had to share.

"Meg Hower:

Because I am a very modest person, prior to my son's birth, I would have generally agreed with those who felt that at a minimum moms nursing in public should cover up or find a discreet location, or maybe just pump a bottle. I was OK with breastfeeding in public, but it made me feel squeamish and I felt like at least mothers should try to be "modest."

Now that I have my son, and have nursed him for a year, I so wish that others could get the same education that I have gained by experience. I was wrong before, not because I was a bad person or baised against mothers, but because I was just ignorant of what was involved.

When my son was very young (first few months), I at first tried to nurse him only in private rooms when we had family over or were visiting. I quickly found that 45 minutes separate from the rest of the world, repeated every 1.5 hours, all day, every day, was enough to drive me out of my mind. I started nursing with a cover when relatives were visiting. I was a bit uncomfortable with it, but it was better than the insanity I felt creeping into my exhausted mind after so many days of self-inflicted "solitary confinement."

Even though I had started nursing with family present, I was still too uncomfortable to nurse at a public place. So I tried to pump bottles to bring with me. Anyone who has never done that just does NOT understand what it entails: buy expensive pump, buy 10,000 accessories, sterilize all tiny components, find 30 minutes when you have nothing else to do and baby is not screaming in order to pump (ha!), realize you can't pump enough in one sitting so repeat multiple times in order to produce one bottle, spend 15 minutes sterilizing all components each time, realize you pumped too close to a feeding so now you don't have enough milk for baby to nurse, freak out and give baby some formula (wait wasn't the point to avoid formula??), eventually go out shopping for a 1 hour trip (which is shorter than the time spent preparing that damn bottle by about 200%). Then endure 2-3 days of baby biting your nipple when he/she nurses because they've switched to a shallow latch from the bottle.

Didn't take long for me to say screw it and, when truly desperate, try to find places to nurse as discreetly as possible in public. As a result I've endured the nastiest most unsanitary back rooms that no reasonable adult would ever think to eat a sandwich in, let alone feed an infant in. And often that was only after 10 tense minutes with a screaming infant while I ran around the store begging an associate to tell me where a room was that I could please use.

These things that seem so easy to suggest - pump a bottle before you go out! just nurse in the bathroom! - they are huge HUGE burdens for nursing moms. What you may think is a reasonable suggestion, I have learned the hard way, is in fact a barrier to breastfeeding. And those need to be broken down. The top health officials and medical experts and even political leaders in our country are calling for measures to reduce barriers to breastfeeding. THAT is why it is important for mothers to push back against what is truly a social barrier to breastfeeding. Otherwise it stacks the odds against moms who are already struggling with the knowledge of how easy it would be to just say screw it and grab a bottle of formula, to the detriment of their child's health, in order to placate a stranger's perceived discomfort."

Amen sista!!! To see the original comment and article, go here

Potty Training!

I can't believe my baby girl is almost 2. Holy cow. And as many of you know, #2 (as in BABY #2) will be here in another 5+ months. Sometimes between now and then, we're hoping to get Isabelle not only potty trained, but into her big girl bed.

First, we're starting with the potty. And you know me, I've been reading up on potty training strategies. You know how I LOOOOVE to label everything. My sister already seems to have a good technique down, and then when I found one similar I was convinced. So - hopefully - starting on Wednesday we will be using Julie Fellom's Diaper Free Toddlers program and have Isabelle potty trained in 3 days or less. (Sounds too good to be true, right?) First, being "potty trained" doesn't mean Isabelle will be accident free. I'm sure she'll have some accidents. Probably lots. It's more of a "success" with potty training. I'm sure for months I will be helping her with the process, and that's normal and okay.

Fellom recommends using this program between 15-28 months, so hopefully we are right where we should be. Isabelle is definitely showing signs that she is ready; she wants to sit on the potty, likes to flush the toilet, pretend to wipe her bottom, doesn't like to be wear diapers and will potty in her diaper in private.

So here's how it works: This is a bare-bottomed method, so for 3 months after we start, Isabelle will be naked below the waist when she is home (Santa brought her some leg warmers to help keep her cozy) and will only wear loose fitting pants when she is out and about. According to Fellom, diapers and training pants undo the progress you make in potty training. When they pee, they need to feel it, and sometimes just feeling the cloth against their bottom (even if it's just panties) makes them more likely to have accidents. Plus, one reason the method is supposed to work so well is because kids this age love to be naked. They don't give a hoot about potty training. Their goal is to be naked and diaper-free, so getting rid of the diapers is incentive to potty train.

For the first 3 days, our schedule will be focused on potty training. During day 1, we will be home with Isabelle all day (which, as a busy-body, this is like torture to me, by the way). Usually the first few times you have to catch them peeing (or if your luck is bad, pooping) and you exclaim, "You're peeing!!! You're peeing!!! Let's go potty!!" and whisk them away to the toilet. We will have a special celebratory "potty dance" to celebrate Isabelle's success. Anytime she has a "hit" in the potty (even if it's just a drop), we'll do our potty dance, give high-fives, make life all happy-happy. :) Usually (SUPPOSEDLY) after 10-12 hits, kids usually get it and start to use the potty independently.

Accidents are okay, but we're not supposed to SAY, "It's okay." (Cuz. . . well it's not.) Instead, we just say in a mildly disappointed voice, "Poop/pee goes in the potty" and help her clean it up. But of course, we will not yell at her or shame her for having accidents: they WILL happen.

Before nap and bed, we will tell Isabelle to go potty (not supposed to ask b/c there is a good change they'll say no) and then diaper her for sleep.

Day 2 is pretty much the same, but we can leave the house for 1 hour AFTER she has just peed on the potty (to link using the potty with leaving the house). As I mentioned, when she is out, she will only wear loose-fitting clothing - no diapers, training pants, or underwear.

Day 3 we get 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon. Each time, using the potty just before leaving the house.

After the 3 days is up, we are supposed to expect Isabelle to usually take herself to the potty when she needs to go but may still need some help. She will remain naked below the waist for the next 3 months and only wear loose fitted clothing while out. After 3 months, underpants are "allowed" (TeeHeeHee).

So, that's it! Wish us luck!!

Christmas Reasons for the Season

My brother-in-law and sister LOVE to mock to me, "Jesus is the reason for the season"!

Ok. Yes. Christmas is, in part, to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I am Catholic, I believe in Jesus, and I was raised to believe that he is the son of God, etc, etc, etc. I think having that emphasis for children is important. It's definately more about that than about the gifts, the candy, or the pretty Christmas tree.

BUT keep in mind, that is all a belief. They call it mythology for a reason.

In my wonderful wonderful fabulous group of women I am a part of (my online Toasted and

Crunchy Mommas that are all AWESOME) all come from very diverse backgrounds. Atheists to Hard-Core Christians. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Philippians, you name it. Ranging from 22-40 years old, this group is the shit. So around Christmas, lots of interesting topics are brought up. So it got me to thinking what I believe "Christmas" is about, and what I want to teach Isabelle.

Christmas IS about Jesus's birth. (We covered that already). BUT. . .

Christmas is not just about December 25th. It's about the entire month of December. People (argue with me on this if you want) are more giving. More patient. More kind. It's about the spirit of the season that brings families and friends come together to let everyone know how much they care. Mearly saying it's about Jesus and nothing else is. . . well. . . just plain silly.

It's about Santa. Yes. We do Santa. To me, Santa represents the spirit of Christmas. Some parents think they are lying to their children, it promotes consumerism, is not part of the original Christmas story. . . I couldn't disagree more. It is okay, and IMPORTANT, for children to live out and explore

fantasies. Santa Claus, Cinderella, Fairies and Unicorns. It's healthy. It encourages them to be bold and dare to dream. At some point, many of us loose the ability to immerse ourselves in such fantasy and embrace stress and reality instead. I loved the idea of Santa growing up, and I still do. Parents will argue that Christmas can still be magical without him, but I argue that it is NOT as nearly (even by 1/2) as magical. In any stretch of the imagination. I can't imagine never writing Santa a letter or leaving him cookies on Christmas Eve. I can't imagine being fluffed of the idea that presents would magically appear under the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I would've had no anticipation sneaking down the stairs at 5am wondering if Santa had come. I wouldn't have eagerly looked out my car door window every Christmas Eve coming home from Grandma's hoping I would catch a glimpse of Santa and his reindeer flying through the night sky. Ugh, how depressing! We are SO doing Santa. We will let Isabelle believe what she wants to believe and not discourage her imagination. I don't see a point in pushing a belief on her (i.e. religion) and discouraging her own beliefs - fairytale or not. "And when she has lost her belief, of course we will tell her the truth in the most gentle and sincere way possible.

"Christmas" is also about recognizing other religions and beliefs. I really want Isabelle to know about what else is out there. Of course, I'll admit this is going to take some research on my part. Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim. . . exposure and knowledge is important. I really would like to get a Menorah next year and start new traditions in our family.

Not to be negative, but just a reminder too that Christmas was originally a rather violent and sinister pagan holiday. Just sayin'. . . so Christmas isn't JUST about "Christ". It was way deeper than that.

RIE; my new love

I am a nut for online articles about things that I feel passionate about. Breastfeeding. . . organic foods. . . positive parenting. . . When I find a place that can put a bunch of things into a nutshell, it's like a candy shop.

Via the Attachment Parenting Group on Babycenter, I came across an article and then a blog about R.I.E. It stands for "Resources for Infant Educarers". So basically, it's a program developed by a lady named Magda Gerber where people (mostly parents) can go to classes, read literature, etc to learn about techniques and theories on parenting. When most people think of "Infant" they think newborn, but scientifically speaking infancy is from 4 months - 2 years old. Who knew, right? So these aren't classes on how to diaper, burp, or feed your baby. . . exactly. We (those people around these "infants") are referred to as "Educarers" because EVERYTHING we do - how we hold our baby, how we respond to her cries, how we talk to them, feed, them, CARE for them, is what develops the child's understanding for her world and how she sees herself in it. The official definition of a "Educarer" is ". . . one who educated children in a caring manner. . . The way you care for you baby is how she experiences your love." Your care is their education.

So this glorious website I found has so many articles I found. One of my favorites, which has left me to think a lot about what I say and do is Jennifer Lehr's 24 RIE Inspired Tenets. My newest ones to work on: #21, #22, #24

21) "Don't humiliate: Don't talk about your child in the third person in front of them, "You wouldn't believe what Derek did. . . ") Don't chastise him loudly in front of others. . . "

OMG. How many times have I done this? But how true is this? Sometimes I stupidly think since Isabelle isn't completing sentences herself yet, that she must not really know what I'm doing when I talk about her, but HELLOOOOO, of course she understands everything I'm saying! She follows simple instructions, listens to me all day. . . she definitely knows what I'm saying. So, we're working on that (and it's hard!). Usually my stories are stories of how cute is she is. . . does that count? I'm not really sure. So if I really can't help it and HAVE to tell the story right away, I try to include her in the conversation so we're not talking about her while she's standing right there, she's simply there to help share the story.

22) "Don't ask your child to perform: Don't ask your child to perform for you or for family, or for friends. This includes things as seemingly harmless as saying, "Can you tell me what color this is?" or asking your child to sing a song. Children should not be expected to be sources of on-demand entertainment. Likewise, don't make or even encourage them to kiss or hug you or anyone else as in "Can you give Grandma a kiss?" Physical expressions of love should come from a genuine place."

Yep. Totally do all of that. I'll admit, when I first read it I thought, "But how will she learn? And isn't affection something that shows respect?" Then I just realize it's how it's approached. Now that I've backed off however I can, I've found she is more than willing and happy to show me what she knows. This week, she loves showing me colors. "Blue!" "Green!" She is so excited, and so am I. . . which brings up that I also try to keep in mind #17, reflect rather than praise :) I also try to ask, not demand. So instead of "Can you give Grandma a kiss" it's, "Would you like to give Grandma a kiss?" or "Can Grandma have a kiss?" A request or suggestion, rather than a demand. If she doesn't want to kiss, that's okay! No forced affection. Hopefully my alternative is acceptable RIE :)

24) "Don't Label: Labeling your child anything - be it "shy" "energetic" or "a little monster" (even in jest) - gives them scripts that they then live up to."

Again, at first I thought, "a little extreme". But I ALWAYS do it. "Are you shy?" "You crazy girl!" "Oh, look at my little monkey!" And it is impossibly hard not to do. So I've instead trying to play with my wording to make sure I wasn't saying she IS that. It's almost impossible to not get comments on how "shy" she is when we come into a room. "Aww. . . Isabelle, are you shy?" "Isabelle is SO shy" etc, etc. I try to justify or correct and say something like, "Oh, she just likes to take some time to soak it all in, she's just checking things out!" When Isabelle is very rambunctious, instead of saying she's hyper or crazy, comment that, "You sure are having fun!" or "You have so much energy right now!". etc, etc. I know, initially it seems silly, but really, I don't want her growing up feeling like she IS what she's been labeled. "I'm shy, so I need to hold back and stay away from large groups." "I'm hyper, so I can run around like crazy b/c that's

what I'm expected to do." It might be subconscious, but still there. I want her to be who she really is, not who she has been TOLD she is.

With these rules, I try to make sure I don't say anything to her that I wouldn't say to a friend, and that covers lots of it. For the examples above, if I brought a friend to a party, I wouldn't explain to the guests I introduced her to that she is shy. When my husband comes to my mom's house, I don't say to him, "Give my mom a hug and a kiss!". If my friend did something I thought was stupid, I wouldn't talk about it infront of her to another friend, acting like she wasn't there; "You wouldn't believe what Julie did the other day!" On other RIE things. . . If my friend was hurt, I wouldn't tell her, "You're okay. . .". If were having lunch and she told the waiter she was finished, I wouldn't say, "Are you sure you don't want just one more bite?" Silly, right? Just trying not to be an adultist :)

You can listen to your child and respect what they have to say. Even if you don't like it. This doesn't mean they are the boss or you don't have to set limits. It just means you are letting them know that you will listen, trust, and respect them and how they feel.

Are you all warm and fuzzy now?

Updates!

Since I've just had one post on LOTS of topics, I thought I would just have a quick update post on status:

MARCH

Amber teething necklace - Yup, still using them and still swear by them. Now that Isabelle is getting her two-year molars, I've found some days when they are really bothering her, she needs 2 necklaces and her anklet all on before she seems comfortable.

Cloth diapering - Yep, still doing it. My pocket diapers kept getting compression leaks and were driving me CRAZY, so I've switched to using gDiapers (a brand; a special hybrid system) and fitted diapers w/ covers. Still loving it.

Extended Rear-Facing - Yep, she's still rear facing. Yes, I still get a hard time for it from friends and family, but I feel strongly that she is safest this way and plan on keeping her there as long as I can!

APRIL

Baby-Led Weaning - This doesn't really apply much, but yes, Isabelle does still always feed herself and I would still consider her a pretty good eater, especially for a toddler.

Signs (ASL) - Isabelle is still signing, but it has slowed down since she began talking more. She is maybe sightly behind average on talking, but way above average on communication, so I figure we're still ahead of the game. Now, she'll often sign and speak, which has made it so much easier figuring out what she is saying. If she weren't signing, there are many words I am certain I wouldn't have recognized as early. She knows over 80 signs now (WOW!) and says: Mama, Dada (and Daddy), Nana, PaPaw, Nate, Ball, Milk, More, Done, This, That, Peas, Please, Up, No, Book, Apple, Apple Sauce, Shoes, Hat, O's (as in Cheerios), Dog, Cat, Bowl, Hot, Water, can recognize and say "A", "E", "O", "S", "N", "B", "M", "I". . . I think that's most of them.

MAY

Extended Breastfeeding - Isabelle is still happily nursing, although our nursing relationship has changed a lot recently due to September being a crazy month. We took a vacation, she got sick, and I become pregnant. So we're currently working through "something" and she oftentimes doesn't want to nurse before nap and before bed, but has begun nursing more frequently during the day. I was really hoping to make it to 2 years, as the World Health Organization and UNICEF recommends, but I'm not sure how things will go once my colostrum comes in in the second trimester. If we make it through that, I've got to decide if I want to go with a slow and gentle weaning in February or start looking into tandem nursing (nursing 2). Right now, we're just taking it one day at a time. I'm sure I'll have a post on either weaning and/or tandem nursing and nursing while pregnant soon!

Discipline related posts - It's probably repetitive to say but yes, we still are going with positive parenting and it's going great.

JUNE

Do overs - Obviously, now that we're expecting #2 I'll get to put this into full-effect! I'm buying my ring sling sometime in the next 7 months and have been making arrangements to have baby bedded close-by.

AUGUST -

Organic - Same status; we buy whatever organic we can! Honestly, it's expensive, so I can't do organic 100% all of the time, so I often save the good stuff for Isabelle and Lee and I eat/drink the crappy stuff. I've probably only purchased maybe 2 lbs of non-organic meat the last 2 months and instead of eating lots of meat, we fill our diet with healthier alternatives. We still have some work to do, for sure.

Gender Roles

Wow, the more I parent, the more I start to realize how many things annoy me!

I can't stand it when I hear someone tell a little boy, "That's for girls!". Or like-wise, when someone tells a little girl she can't do something because she's a girl.

I do believe some things ARE nature. Scientifically boys statically stronger and better with their hands and machines. They see things better three-dimensionally (hence their obsession with video games). Girls are naturally more nurturing and thoughtful. But saying one this is for boys and another is for girls just peeves me off.

Inadvertently and sometimes purposefully, many parents treat their children of different sexes differently. When a boy takes a hard fall, some parents are more likely to encourage them to toughen up (even if it was

obviously painful). Whereas a girl may be coddled, soothed, and reassured. Boys are usually rough-housed a little more than their "fragile" counterparts. The genders are dressed in specific colors and offered a different set of toys. I giggle to myself a little when someone will say what a "boy" their kid is when it is obviously he is being treated in a stereotypical boy role. And that's fine. What really irks me, is when

parents try to discourage something their child finds interest in, because they don't think it's gender appropriate.

A little boy playing dress up. A girl digging in the mud with tractors. Your son wanting a play kitchen for Christmas while Suzie wants a set of Legos. Let your child take interest in whatever it is that excites them. Parental attitudes towards their children have a strong impact on the child's developing sense of self and self-esteem.

By limiting their opportunities and ignoring their talents, you are only perpetuating unfairness on our society. Studies have shown that children from androgynous homes have higher self esteem and healthier love relationships. Their children develop a sense of worth. It's about following their lead and supporting who your child wants to be, not who YOU want them to be.

I hope that Isabelle can grow up as gender neutral as possible. In our house, we have dolls and trucks. Kitchens and Kick Balls. Dresses and Overalls. Daddy loves to play rough with her, and I love sitting and cuddling. When she takes interest in something, I want it to be because it's what she is honestly interested in, not because she feels like it's what she's supposed to do or what mom and dad wants her to do. Right now, she loves to accessorize, dress up, and check herself out in the mirror. She also prefers her trucks and legos over her dolls and kitchen. Really, I just want her to be happy.

All of my babies

A friend of my recently had a post on facebook about his trouble finding a TRULY pet friendly place to live. Sadly, many apartment complexes and landlords are what I call "breedists"; people are are against certain breeds because of their presumed attitude as to how that breed is. So a pet can live there, as long as they're not on "the list".

This was the best comic I could find. . . I feel like we are back in the 1950's, with signs up as to what breed of dogs can crap where. Or doggie day-care with a sign up that reads, "No Mutts Allowed".

I'm especially bitter and sensitive to this breedism because I adopted two of "those" breeds. You know, the so-called mean ones. Cierra is a pit bull terrier mix and McKenna is a boxer mix.

Here is a picture of Cierra and Isabelle when she was only a few weeks old. She looks vicious, doesn't she? Funny thing is, I know of more people who have been bit by small bred dogs (aka "shit dogs") than large ones. And I personally find a yippie bark much more obnoxious than a big dogs bark. But maybe that's just me. But really, I have a hard time understand how a "bully breed" could be worse than a little Chihuahua or a cat. Have you seen the damage a cat can do to furniture?! And geeze. . . they've all got teeth. And bladders. And. . . other things.

I have so many people that give me shocked looks when they find out I have a pit bull and a baby. "Aren't you scared she'll hurt her?" Umm, who would do the hurting here? 'Cuz I'm certain B has done plenty of damage to poor Cierra. (Some pokes here, a tail pulling there. . . you know, typical toddler stuff).

I take pet ownership very seriously. Just ask my husband. And besides, we don't OWN them. . . we adopted them. They are our babies, our family. Sure, having 2 dogs, 1 rabbit, and 1 toddler is hard work. Some days are exhausting. But. . . some days are amazing. B really loves them, and they are great with her. They are her playmates, and truly our best friends.

So, why do they have such a bad rap? (Pit bulls in particular)

Pits were bred for their fighting ability, so people assume that that's all they do. But many pit bulls work as ambassadors for their breed, working as therapy dogs and completing search and rescue for local police and fire stations. They can do so much more than what people want to believe. Any dog who gets proper socialization as a puppy is likely to grow up into a dog who is great with other dogs. And people fail to realize that pit bulls were ALSO bred to be trustworthy and friendly towards people. Even fighting dogs lived in their owner's homes and were nicknamed "nursemaid's dog" because they were so reliable with young children. They are naturally loyal, loving companions.

Yes, pit bulls do tend to have an intimidating appearance, which is appealing to people looking for personal protection or a macho status. Unfortunately, some people in turn will actually ENCOURAGE their dog to act aggressively to maintain that tough image. And when they do bite, their strong jaws tend to do more damage because of their size and strength. That coupled with media eager for entertainment means that a pit pull bite is far more likely to draw media attention. No one wants to hear about a Golden retriever biting; pit pulls are just more exciting and get better coverage. Come to think of it, same goes for dolphins and sharks! Hmmm, how interesting.

Pit Bull Terriers love attention. They can never spend enough time with you. Cierra wants to be where we are every second of every day. When we have company over, keeping her in a separate room is out of the question because it would completely destroy her. She LOVES company. They are known to be able to adapt to any lifestyle. . . as long as you are there.

They also are major cuddlers. Cierra has mastered the art of finding the warmest, most comfortable spot to nap (and would prefer it to be on you). They are surprisingly clean because of their short fur and lack of an undercoat. If you're looking for a forever friend. . . maybe you should look into adopting a pit. . .