Why We're Skipping PreSchool

A year ago, we started looking into preschools for B for last fall.  It would've been a program for 2 year olds. . . just one day a week for 1/2 a day.  I started looking, thinking it might be nice to have one day a week when it could just be me and Sophia.  Isabelle could mingle with other friends.  Play.  Maybe learn something important.  I called around to a handful of schools. . . never made it out to visit any of them because I decided for one reason or another, we were going to wait another year.

So another year came and went.  Last November, I started thinking about preschools again.  (Enrollment is usually in January or February - nearly 8 months before classes begin!!!)  Called around more.  E-mailed. Toured.  And toured.  And toured.  And once again. . . decided we wanted to wait.

This time. . . the decision didn't come as easily.  Lee and I had several talks. . . I think I was driving him crazy a little bit :)  One school, I didn't really like their director.  Another, I wasn't so sure about how their day was organized.  Some were too far away.  A few of them didn't seem warm and friendly enough.  Some too expensive.  The days were too long.  Or were they too short?  They forced the craft for the day.  Prayer was mandatory.  The more I started thinking about it, it started to seem like I was just making up excuses as to why "this one" or "that one" wasn't good enough.

Then I started thinking about the nitty gritty.  I understand preschool is a personal choice, so like with everything else, please don't take offense if you DO send your child to preschool.  This is just my explanation, since I know I'm in the minority.

First, I started to realize the. . . for lack of a better word. . . scam that was involved in preschools.  People didn't used to do preschools like they do today.  (Shoot, go back far enough, lots of kids never even did kindergarten!)  But somewhere in the crazy hu-bub of "my child must be the smartest, wisest, sharpest, most excellent child on the block" era, it became almost a fad.  Parents have come to believe that the sooner they start going to school the better.  If they do not separate themselves from their children, then their children will suffer dire consequences.  They won't know how to follow instruction.  They will be dependent.  Oh yeah, and they won't know how to stand in a line.

But after looking into it (because ya'll know I'm a research freak), I started reading that the earlier you push your children into learning, the sooner they will loose interest.  So sure, they might be ahead of the class for awhile, but sooner or later loose interest b/c school is no longer fun for them. Because they've been doing it for FOREVER!!  Research shows that there are no long-lasting benefits to preschool even for those from disadvantaged backgrounds.  In fact. . . developmental skills and empathy has shown to be higher in children that stay home with mom, not to mention they have less aggression and sadness.  Do I think kids have fun in preschool?  Of course!  But at what cost??

I feel like my baby. . . while she just turned 3. . . is still my baby.  She won't be that way for long.  The first 5-7 years in a child's life is the most formulate (crap. . . more research).  This is when B will be setting up all of her emotional, spiritual, AND yes, academic foundations.  Do I really want to leave that big of a job to a near stranger??  When I looked at the curriculum, I realized. . . I can do that!!  B is so smart and I realized how much I've already taught her without even trying.  And I realized, I love that I am the one who taught her those things.  Her colors, numbers, letters, how to sign and recognize her shapes and so much more.  Really, the only thing she hadn't already learned that was on the list was writing her name.  I'm not going to have her home with me for long. . . the last 3 years have already flown by. . . why should I be in such a rush to send her away??  I feel like sending her to preschool would undermine the bond that we have worked on so much her entire life.  I want to be there to kiss her, hug her, and just be with her while I still can.  Seriously, she'll be 20 tomorrow!

Then I started thinking about discipline.  I will admit - I'm a bit of a narcissist when it comes to how my child is disciplined.  Especially since I don't even believe in the TERM discipline.  I am an extremely gentle parent (or at least try to be).  I don't believe in time outs.  I don't want anyone to raise their voice to, or even around, B.  I don't want anyone shaming her, telling her she is "bad", and just the idea of another parent handling a behavioral issue makes me nauseous.  While it might be a fault of my own, there are very very few people I trust with B, so I realized, why should I trust her with (again) a near-stranger?  In my opinion, children need consistency.  While I'm sure the preschool teachers are wonderful, they don't have a vested, eternal interest in raising B to be the best she can be, so the energy they put into "discipline" would probably be lacking (because I assure you, mainstream discipline is much easier!!)  And that's just assuming they actually even notice when there is a problem and react at all.

And then. . . there is those darn peer influences. I'm already having a hard time swallowing the idea of what she's going to come home with when she starts public school.  Why torture myself now?  We have no idea or control over what type of peers B would be around while she's in school.  Who knows the language, morals, behavior, etc, that could come around.  Even just some cruel words or common "mean kid" behavior can really affect a child for the rest of their lives. (Formulate years, remember?)  I know this sound so over protective, but seriously. . . when one of my main reasons for doing preschool was for the social aspect, I realized that that could work AGAINST me.  Right now, she is socializing all of the time!  I love the friends she's around in La Leche twice a month.  We go to the library for story time.  My sister lives 10 minutes away.  We do dance class and swim class.  And I'm there with her, bonding, being apart of it all.  Kids of all ages and background.  I like it that way.  It works for us.  So why change it?

A little part of me also worries it would disrupt our flow.  Right now, I'm finally getting used to caring for two.  It works.  We have a system.  Before long, I would get used to the break, and then, what if the days I have both start becoming overwhelming?  I don't ever want to wish it was a school day, or wish I had that break.  I, oddly enough, want to handle what comes along with having my children all day, all week (again. . . bonding here!)  The more time I spend with the girls, the better I know them and what works for us.  I remember when just getting out of the house with 2 was a feat.  Now, it's normal to run errands, go grocery shopping, take a trip to the museum, etc.  I love that.

I also hated the clinical feeling of preschools.  When we visited once school, they were in the middle of their testing.  For God knows what. . . but something.  It's ridiculous.  They are TWO. (Or three, or four, or five).  Tests are historically inaccurate.  I don't need someone labeling my child and putting her on a graph.  She is three.  Like I read, "testing and labeling a child whose brain and motor skills are still undeveloped is like diagnosing a newborn bird with a flying problem."

So, Isabelle will stay home with me next year.  We'll revisit the idea of pre-K next winter.  With the money we will save, I can enroll her in the activities she really loves and still keep her active (just like we are now) in dance, swimming. . . maybe do ballet or basketball or karate.  Sign up for some outdoor programs at the local park.  After all, she'll only be little for a little while. . . .




UPDATE:

This post was first published in March of last year.  By June, I had a 3 year old that was practically begging me to enroll her in preschool (I blame Daniel Tiger and Sid the Science Kid.  And me for letting her watch too much TV!!).  I found out one of the schools we toured that I liked "okay" moved even closer to us, so we signed her up.  She started off going SUPER SUPER excited.  SO so excited.  Day by day it got harder and harder.  By the end of the first month, she was crying at drop off and begging me to let her stay home.  So we withdrew her from the program.

Lesson learned: Listen to your gut!  I think a major part of the issue was how the program was run -- they had 4 teachers in the four "subjects" and would rotate through every 20 minutes.  24 kids, separated into 4 groups of 8. . . that's a LOT of transitioning for a 3 year old!

So now, here we are, enrollment time again.  We have looked at 4 more schools. . . a few of them got closer to meeting our [when I say "our" I mean MY] strict requirements.  But I still keep hanging on to what I posted earlier.  This time with her is crucial.  I want to be her strongest influence.  I can teach her what she needs to know for kindergarden.  She gets LOTS of social interaction already.  She enjoys her other activities, and I want her to be able to continue with those.  Pushing learning too early has shown to have no long-term benefit and sending them off to preschool HAS been linked to behavioral problems.  So. . . as of 1/24/2014. . . we are NOT doing pre-K, either.

On a side note, I did find an awesome home-schooling program called "Five In A Row" (FIAR) that we will be trying in lieu of preschool.  It will be perfect for us to have to work on together while Sophia naps. (BONDING TIME!!).  The FIAR system gives you lessons that go along to corresponding books (purchased in a series).  You read the same book five days in a row, and each day get a new lesson to teach on.  So for example, the first day, you might read the book and then learn more about a certain animal that is in the book.  The next day, you would learn about where the book takes place.  Then the day after that, you might apply something in the book to help you teach math skills.  I'm excited to try this with Isabelle and help foster her love of learning :)

PDQ Skin Cream

Some time. . . many years ago. . . Around October 2008, I believe. . . I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma.  AKA: skin cancer.  But the "good" skin cancer to have, seemly simple to get rid of and no big deal.  Usually it's right at the surface and can easily be cleared away.

When the first biopsy came back abnormal, I went back to the doctor and he took another sample, going further out on the margins than he did the first time.  It still showed that the margins weren't clear (meaning there was cancer showing at the edges of the sample, so more left on me), so he sent me to a specialist.

So that they don't just hack away aimlessly, I needed to go see a dermatologist that preformed a special procedure called MOES (or chemosurgery).  During the surgery, the doctor removes tissues one section at a time and graphs it out in pieces.  It is cut longitudinally and analyzed under a microscope so that they can see if any cancer cells are still present, and if they are, where. So, for example, if there are only cells in one corner, the doctor will know by the graph which corner it came from and how deep it goes (if he cut deep enough) so he knows where to go back and cut.  So after each cut, you are patched up (but not completely), sent back to wait while the pathologist examines the tissues, then called back in if you aren't cleared.  They numb you up some more, hack away some more, back into the waiting room, and so on.

(Side note, the first specialist I went to misunderstood the doctor when they asked if he preformed MOES, they thought she said "moles" so my first trip was a giant waste.)

SOOOOOO Only TWO doctors in the entire state that perform this procedure. . . The first doctor I went to took me back in [I believe] 3 times that visit before everything was clear.  Fabulous.  I thought that was it; I was done.  In early 2010 - about 18 mths later - it started to come back.  Annoyed (it was supposed to be 99% successful!), I went back to my family doctor to send out a sample again -- because SURELY I was just mistaken -- only to find out that yes, it was back.

So, back to the dermatologist I went.  To the other DIFFERENT (and only other option) dermatologist this time because, well. . . I was bitter.  This time it only took one trip in.  Sent home, viola. . . and another 1.5 years later AGAIN. . . the spot was back.

I was beyond annoyed.  Ok, I was pretty pissed.  Those surgeries were NOT cheap.  Thousands. . . even after insurance.  99% accurate??  What the heck?!  And more-so, it was scary.  It was JUST basal cell. . . but it wasn't going away!

So I'm complaining on my birth group to the ladies I love how this spot came back and how frustrated I am. . .  and come to find out there is a cream out there that can treat it.  Bless Bless Bless this group. . . A girl knew a guy who owns a health store and has had skin cancer, checked by a doctor, and treated with this seemingly magical cream.  So I looked into it.

One cream that is starting to get it's name out there is CuraDerm.  It was on the Dr. Oz show.  I believe you put it on every day for several months and it gets rid of basal and sqaumous cell skin cancers.  (Don't quote me).  But that wasn't the cream she told me about. . . The cream I heard about and decided to try was PDQ (actually "PDQ!!" but the exclaimation points seem cheesy so let's leave them out).  PDQ is an herbal skin cream that softens tissues.  Essentially, it weakens the cell wall.  Cancer cells are very strong, abnormal cells that the body will recognize as 'invaders' and try to fight off but simply can't.  When you apply this cream and it softens the cells, it will soften the cancer cells enough that the body's immune system is able to attack, destroy, and remove the dangerous cells.  You apply 2 doses (one the first day, another 24 hours later) and any bad tissue leaves behind a red bump or white blistery-type skin.  This is the dead skin cells (the cancer).  They scab up, dry, and fall off in another 7-10 days, leaving NO scarring (unlike the giant scar the surgery left me with).  You continue to apply the PDQ cream (twice the first few days and allowing to heal before reapplying) until there is no reaction, which means there is no cancer or abnormal cells.  For about $85 a bottle. . . you're done.

So I bought it, tried it, and wanted to document it.  Here's my journal:


Day 1 - I applied PDQ to my temple at night.  It stung really bad as soon as I put it on.  I also did a test spot on my left ankle and dabbed some on a suspicious mole on my right thigh.

Day 2 - I applied immediately the next morning.  This is what my temple looked like later that afternoon.  The woman from the store had said to reapply the next day. . which I did. . .but then later this evening I read that it is supposed to be after 24 hours.  It had probably just been 12.  Whoops.  So I got it reapplied a little too early.  The site is a little swollen, a little sore & bothered, and maybe is started to develop some scabbing.

The mole on my thigh is just squishy (?) and really red at the base.  Also a little sensitive.  My test spot feels and looks totally normal.

Day 7 - Both my temple and my mole are very dry and scaly.  My temple has a few small scabs, but the redness and swelling is gone.  Since my mole has no scabs but is dry (and abnormal), I scrubbed [harder] and reapplied [more liberally] tonight.  After speaking with the rep, I should've applied more than just a thin later and should've also let it sit for at least 15 min.  So it did, along with another test spot.  My first test spot on my left ankle never did anything (never stung, never got red or swollen, never scabbed), but since I didn't apply correctly the first time around I just want to prove to myself that it doesn't react with normal skin cells.

Here's what my temple looks like tonight (sorry for the poor quality! Lesson one: no pictures at night):

 Here's my suspiciouse mole, all gooped up.  It burns:

 Here's my test mole, just a little further down on my thigh.  Feels totally normal:

Day 8:  As I expected, my test mole (above) was totally normal today.  The other mole is red, swollen, and sore.  My temple is still dry and scaly w/ 1 small scab left, so I didn't reapply tonight.  I reapplied to my test mole and my yuck mole on my right thigh.  This is what it looked like after the PDQ sat for 20 min:

Red, sore, and weird white blistery-type things on and around it.  I'm guessing that's what will scab.  Burns like the dickens.

Also tonight I reapplied to a mole on my left shoulder.  It's red, swollen and sore too :(

Day 9:  Did 2nd day application on my shoulder.  My scabs on my temple came off, so I reapplied there, also.  This time scrubbing better and applying more liberally.  I tried to go outside the margins alot to make sure I got everything.  Here is where I applied (you can see the tan-ish goop if you look closely):

When I took off the ointment, I had the same white ulcerative spots like I had on my mole yesterday - mostly around the upper-back portion of the lesion.

Day 10:  2nd day application on my temple.  It ****burns*** like somethin' else!!  And the white foamyness (that seems to be what turns to a scab) is really bad.  Wowza.  Let's hope I'm not mutulating myself. . . Here's a crappy shot from my computer monitor:  

Day 14:  The spots have all scabbed over.  Pretty gross, b/c my mole on my shoulder has turned from a squishy raised mole to a hard scabby lump.  Yummy.  Here's my shoulder. . . kinda hard to tell whats happening, but it's the mole with a scab around it where the PDQ sat on my normal (but abnormal) skin:

Day 16:  My temple has almost lost all of it's scabbing and I'm left with just a patch closest to my eye and some in the hair line.  The skin underneath is pink and soft.  The only part that didn't scab over was a spot in the middle that ran through my scar from the surgery.  

 And here's my spot on my right thigh.  The mole is barely raised anymore and I've lost almost all of the scab.  I'm thinking another few application and the mole will be gone all together.

Since all of the spots reacted all of the way to the edge of where I applied the PDQ, I'm going to have to apply it further out next time to make sure I reach it all.

Day 18: I got all 3 spots really gooped up.  I went about 1/2" around each mole and way out into my hair line on my temple:

. . . and the next day after the 2nd application:

Computer shot

Same spot, picture taken using camera

I took two pictures of my temple b/c both shots are deceiving. . . the computer shot shows the white foamy skin the best and the camera shot show more detail. . . the pink in the middle is actually just pink, fleshy (presumably therefore healthy) skin.  All around in and about 1"above it is all white, foamy, dead tissue.  On my leg, the skin is just red and soft, except for a few spots on top of the mole (the lighter spots you see in the pic) and a few next to it.  My shoulder doesn't have hardly any white spots.

Day. . . I don't even know. . . 90ish:
Ok. . . so I totally slacked off blogging, BUT it was only because, it CLEARED!!  I did one more application after this last and got a small, mild reaction on my temple -- just some dry, kind of scaly skin, like I just needed some moisturizer.  The next time -- nothing!  I could hardly believe it.

Here is a shot I took about a month ago to show my beautiful, clean, scab and seemingly cancer-free temple!!!  Amazing.

Since then, I have tested and treated a few other spots that looked fishy to me.  Most recently was a spot  just above my hair line that reacted badly (as in. . . alot), so I'm in the middle of clearing up that spot.  But like always, some spots do nothing, others are obviously abnormal.  It's really amazing and I'm totally sold.

So what now?  Well, as crunchy as I may be. . . I can't just let all of the spots that have shown signs of cancer go and pretend they were never there.  So those that still have something left (like a mole that had most of it killed off but there is still some left behind that isn't reacting), I plan on having biopsied and tested at my doctor's office.  PROBABLY not my temple. . . since they've already hacked that so many times, I'm not sure it can handle it again.  But I am curious to see what the test come back with.  I'll keep you posted :)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Jourdan :)

For those of you interested in trying,  I purchased it from Country Nutrition out of Decatur, IL.  There is also a store in Greenwood, IN.  Their store manager, Debi, was SO helpful and answered my phone calls and spoke to me for a long time, always happy to help me with any questions I have.  We conversed some via e-mail, some on the phone, and they happily and quickly shipped it out for me with no problem.   Decatur:217-877-6466, Greenwood: 317-889-1305.  Owner: Neil (cnutri@sbcglobal.net).


UPDATE January 2015:
Unfortunately, the spot seems to have reappeared.  I can only assume I didn't leave the cream on long enough, so the cells started to multiply again.  I'm now trying Frankincense essential oils from Young Living, since it is supposed to help with the same thing, to see if that will work.  I'm not holding my breath.

I did go to the doctor and had that spot on my right thigh and left shoulder biopsied, just to be sure they were clear, and they came back fine.  So either the PDQ got rid of the bad cells and cleared it, or it was just crazy all along.  Either way -- I was checked and I'm fine in that department.

Once I finish the Frankincense, I'm going to go back to the Dr. and have him look at my temple.  Again.  I really don't feel comfortable doing MOHS again (although I'm sure they would LOVE my money for the 3rd time!) so we will have to brainstorm other possibilities.

UPDATE August 2015:
Well, in June I had my right temple checked again and the cancer is still there.  The Frankincense would make my skin stay healthy looking, but as soon as I stopped the scabbing and dry, flaky skin would come back.  So in September, I go in to have my 3rd MOHS prodedure (and also a separate surgery for repair the following day).  The doctor explained that it was multi-nuclear basal cell, so that cells aren't all next to each other and will be sporadically spread, so it LOOKS like the margins are clear in the sample but there are still outlying areas.  I told him I want a "Buy Three, Get One Free" deal!!!  Wish me luck.

Postpartum Doula's

Aghh!!!  I'm a little behind on this one.  But never the less, I want to fit it into my blog before it's too late.

A friend of mine works for Believe Midwifery Services as a midwifery assistant, and they are sponsoring a Postpartum Doula Skills Workshop this upcoming weekend.

So what IS a postpartum doula?  I like to think of them as the fairy god-mother of everything a mother would ever want or need after having a baby.  They make sure the mother is fed, hydrated, and comfortable.  That she's getting enough sleep.  They are there to help with breastfeeding.  They share information on how to care for the baby, help siblings and partners learn how to help mom with the new addition.  It's all about nurturing the family and helping them though the transition, as well as fostering the independence for the entire family (not just mom).  It might sound a little crazy (how many of you are thinking, 'Well my own mother can come over and do that!!'?) but it can really pay off.  Many doulas receive special training and certifications, and research has show that parents who receive support from postpartum doulas feels more secure and cared for, are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics, are more self-confident, have great success with breastfeeding, less postpartum depression, and lower incidence of abuse.

I really think it would be awesome not only to HAVE a postpartum doula to help, but to BE a postpartum doula.  What an amazing gift to get to play such a crucial role in setting up the dynamics of a new family.  Not to mention that cute little baby you would get to help care for!  Here's the information on some workshops coming to town soon (help at the Thorntown Public Library):

Disadvantages to Breastfeeding?

There was a recent article I saw posted on facebook about a study that showed contrary to popular belief, breastfeeding has been shown to stall breast aging.  It reminded me of the [more than one] people who told me that they didn't want to breastfeed because they didn't want to have saggy boobs.  Little did they know, they actually made it worse for themselves!  So as I was putting my little nursling to sleep that night, I started to think of all of the "disadvantages" of breastfeeding and came to realize. . . there are really very few.  Not including the less-saggy aspect, here are my top 5 not-so-disadvantages:

1.  Dad can't feed the baby.
       First. . . for many, dad CAN feed the baby.  Pumped milk.  But for a moment, let's pretend the baby either doesn't take a bottle you simply don't want to pump.  In  many ways, the fact that dad can't feed the baby is a plus in our home.  We're never arguing over whose turn it is to feed the baby.  I'm the only one who gets to snuggle with a baby at 3am (I find a very odd peace with those midnight hours when the house is all quiet and asleep and it's just me and my babe).  When it's bedtime, I get to snuggle with my little baby while dad does the more challenging task of getting a 2 year old to bed.  Dinner is done!  And baby is hungry.  Oh darn, I better sit and nurse her while you finish dishes.  It is really awesome that I can supply my baby with every nutritional need it has anytime it wants it.  AWESOME.

2.  Finding a place to nurse in public.
       After B, I have now lost just about all of my empathy for strangers when my baby needs to eat and we're in public.  Once I got over that and stopped sneaking off to the nearest bathroom or vacant bedroom, car, etc. . . feeding my baby in public is easier than ever.  I don't have to fumble through a diaper bag for a bottle, sterile water, and formula.  I've mastered nursing discretely (at least I think so) and can calm her cries, usually in under 10 seconds.  Most people just think I'm cradling a baby, trying to get her to sleep.  And I am!

3.  You can't hand them a bottle to continue working.
        Are there times when I am flooded with tasks, jobs, and a needy toddler and feel like I don't have time to sit down to feed my baby?  Sure.  But when the food is attached to your body, you have to.  And really. . . it's nice.  Nursing forces me to slow down - I need that!  When there are dishes to wash, clothes to sort, and 20 other things you need done, having a nursling gives you the chance to sit down, relax, and enjoy your baby.  The time goes WAY too fast, hold them at every chance you get.  Sit.  Enjoy it.  Look into their eyes.  Hold their tiny hands.  Suddenly, that sticky stuff on the counter doesn't seem as important as it did 5 minutes ago.  Not to mention the hormones you release while breastfeeding has a calming effect and it makes me feel SO good and SO relaxed. . . I really wish they could bottle that stuff.

4.  Dietary restrictions.
        I'll admit, when I went dairy free with Sophia is was rough.  But I was eating so much better!  Would I have enjoying having more ice cream at bedtime or some extra cheese on my pizza?  Sure.  But really, I lost at least an extra few pounds thanks to those restrictions.  Breastfeeding forces you to think twice about what you put into your body and overall, probably makes you at least a little bit healthier.

5.  You don't know how much the baby is eating and/or it takes too long to feed them.

        Okay, I'm kind of cheating on this one.  But it's one of the most common responses I got from people unfamiliar with breastfeeding.  "How do you know she's eating enough?"  "I could never breastfeed because it made me too nervous not knowing if she had enough to eat."  If the baby is hungry, it will eat.  It's it's not hungry, it won't.  If it's happy, satisfied, and growing. . . it's eating enough.  I'm never tempted to force the boob on her to get her to eat 'just one more ounce'.  If she's done, she's done.  (Which also helps her learn portion control and prevent obesity, BTW).  Nursing a newborn DOES take alot of time.  It was pretty normal for B and S to nurse for 45 minutes or more their first several weeks of life.  But once they get older, they get more efficient.  A 6 month old can eat an entire meal in 5 minutes.  Not only because of their efficiency at nursing, but because your body is SO smart, it makes milk exactly how they need it, increasing the fat content as they get older.  So while a formula fed baby may be up to 8 or 10 ounces (or more) for a feed, breastfed babies always take in about 4-6 ounces.  Put in the time in the beginning and the pay off is totally worth it!

So next time you read the "Con" list in a Parenting book or magazine, realize that it's not ALWAYS actually a bad thing.

Baby Girl's Birth Story

Well, here we are!  It's crazy to think how SLOW those last few weeks of pregnancy go - dragging on day by day by day.  Then when your baby is born, you can't seem to figure out where the time has gone.

My beautiful little girl was born Tuesday, June 12th at 6:49 in the evening.  A VERY healthy 10lbs 4oz and 22.5 inches long.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to post the birth story first or my Hypnobabies review, so bear with me cuz I'm doing it all in one.  If you haven't read my Hypnobabies post, it might help you understand what I'm saying.  (Link: http://www.thegoodlet-down.blogspot.com/2012/06/hypnobabies.html)

I started this all off with a very specific, yet somewhat flexible plan in mind.  I wanted a natural birth.  I wanted to keep things private and personal.  I'd read up and decided not to give Hepatitis B, no vitamin K injection, no eye cream.  No circumcision (if it were a boy).  No formula.  No pitocin. No breaking my water.  Wow, I sound really high maintenance. 


The morning of the 12th, I woke around 8:30am and got up to pee. I always have lots of contractions and sleep like crap at night, and it seemed like a pretty ordinary night to me.  I usually would have contractions when I turned around to reposition or what-not, and I don't remember that night being any different than any other night.  Immediately when I woke, I starting having contractions that were much stronger than any I’d been having and by 9:00 I was certain I was in labor. Lee had to be at work at 9am, so he had literally JUST left home.  I called him back home and he was by my side within a few minutes.  At this point, my pressure waves (contractions) were about 5-7 minutes apart.

Isabelle was still asleep at the time, so when she woke Lee started taking care of her while I finished getting ready.  So. . . yes, I knew I was in labor, but I still had the umph to shower, get dressed, put on makeup, etc.  I was trying to use my Hypnobabies techniques as much as I could, so early on I took my deep breaths, turned my light switch off, spent some time in my safe place, and then continued throughout the rest of my labor at home, usually in the center position so I could move around freely.  Hypnobabies suggests you bring treats for the labor and delivery nurses (since they'll have to put up with your unusual demands and so they like you) so I started baking brownies.  During contractions, I would usually close my eyes and find something to support me and continue with the hypnosis scripts to ease myself through the pressure waves.  At one point, I was leaning on the kitchen counter with my head in my arms and B asks me, "Mommy??  You okay?"  :)  I assured her mommy was fine and that I was just trying to relax.

Lee started to worry - perhaps the fully awake, taking, joking me to the sudden Hypnobabies me freaked him out, but he ordered me upstairs to lie down.  After maybe an hour, the contractions were only every 3-4 minutes.  I called Lee upstairs and asked him to call my dad to watch B, because I might need him and we might need to leave soon.  I was having a lot of pain in my back, and remember thinking it would be nice to get a back rub :)  While Lee called my dad, packed out bags, and got things together, B stayed in the room with me while I labored.  It was really probably the most memorable part of my labor, having her there with me in bed and cuddling.  I had my Hypnobabies tracks playing on the iPod, and she would listen in with me.  It was kind of funny watching her close her eyes like mommy, too.  We rubbed eachothers backs, gave hugs and kisses. . . it was pretty great.

Around 11 (only 2 hours after my labor seemed to begin) we decided to head to the hospital.  When I arrived I was shocked to find out I fully effaced and 7cm dilated.  While the contractions were strong, I was expecting worse.  I was uncomfortable, but not in any extreme pain.  I got lucky and had a WONDERFUL nurse, who was actually the same nurse that delivered B.  They put me in a room with a tub, and having the warm water was wonderful.  Really, my belly and legs weren’t too bad during contractions, but I was having HORRIBLE back labor that I hadn’t prepared for and that was the worst of it.  Hypnobabies had prepared me for the belly and leg discomfort, but not so much the back labor.  Back labor usually means that the baby is posterior, so we (or the nurse) was concerned that the baby was "back to back" and was suggesting positions to help her turn.  The nurse was great at offering suggestions for new positions and things that might keep me comfortable.  After 3 hours of laboring in the hospital, I asked the nurse to check me again and found out I was STILL at 7cm.  WHAT?!  I went from 3-7 in virtually no time but now I've been at 7 for over 3 hours?!  I did find out later that it's normal for women to get "stuck" at 7cm for awhile.  This is right before transition when things can get really intense, so it's your body's way of taking a break.  This, in conjunction with being in a hospital, is what I blame.  It is also normal for your body to slow down labor when you get to an unfamiliar place, hence why home births can be better for many women.  By 3:30 I hit transition and then they got really strong. Again - the back pain I wasn't prepared for!! I think when I hit transition, all of my Hypnobabies skills went down the crapper.  My sister (go Jen!) was kind enough to suggest and get my iPod for me to listen to some audio, but at that point I had already broken my concentration (I think when I got frustrated at my lack of progress) and I was having a hard time focusing on what the audios were saying.  Mostly because I couldn't get the darned ear plugs to stay in my ears!!  Around 4:45 I wasn’t sure I could keep doing it.  It was somewhat pain-based - it DID hurt, but it was mostly fear telling me to get an epidural.  I started to worry that the baby was too big. . . that I wouldn't be able to push her out and would need a cesarean.  Or that I would get too tired and not be able to continue. . .  I started to believe that it was never going to end!!!  All of the stuff they TELL you you will think and say when you are in transition and ALMOST done.  Everyone kept insisting I was doing a great job and I was almost there. ('LIARS!' I thought)  What I really should've listened to was my Birth Affirmations CD. . . but hind-sight is always 20/20, right?  When the nurse checked I was almost 10cm and just had a tiny lip to go on one edge of my cervix. 5:00 I was ready to push and she called for the Dr.

First I didn't realize the doctor isn't normally there for the pushing.  I laugh at myself a little because I was dreaming of a "two pushes and she's out" birth, so I was kinda afraid to do anything!  But. . . I did.  About 5 pushes in my water finally broke and shot about 10’ across the room, Luckily my mom had gotten out of the way, or she would've had quite a clean-up on her hands.  And body.  And legs.  And maybe even her face. It was full of meconium (baby poo), so they had to have the NICU team called just incase the baby inhaled any during delivery and aspirated.  So I pushed.  And pushed.  And pushed.  I was getting discouraged when we still couldn’t see a head after an hour. I was asking the nurse, "Why can't we see her head yet?!" "What if she's too big?!".  She just kept reassuring me, but also couldn't promise she was GOING to come.  I was scared.

 Finally around 6:20 we saw the head. . . She would be SOOOO close, feelin' that ring of fire, and then dip back in. The doctor was able to feel her head and see that she was posterior and probably knew I needed some help getting that giant head out.  He numbed my perineum with some lidocaine at 6:45 and the next push gave me an episiotomy and she FINALLY came out after about an hour and 45 minutes of pushing.  Because of the meconium, the NICU team had to sweep her away immediately so I wasn’t able to see her and Lee wasn't able to cut the umbilical cord.  The first time I saw her was actually a picture my sister took that I looked at on the viewfinder of my camera. :/  The placenta came out soon after. . . I think the doctor pulled on the cord a little and I was/am upset about that b/c I had asked that he not  But my pain was still so high and I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to argue.   He gave me 3 more syringes full of lidocaine to help numb me for the repair. . . but you wouldn't have known.  It was pretty painful; honestly maybe even more painful than any of the labor or birth.  I think not being able to see her was the hardest part of the whole process.  When the doctor finished suturing, he double checked me internally and found a tear that went all of the way through further up.  Apparently when Sophia came out, not only was she posterior but was twisted and twisting around in strange ways and caused the internal trauma.  The repair was too extensive to do with local anesthetic, so I had to go to the O.R. for surgery.  By now about 45 minutes had passed; I was finally able to see Sophia for about 10 min before I left.  She nursed great and was absolutely beautiful. . . the procedure took about 50 min and I had to get a spinal (not the same as an epidural, but similar). Which was kinda depressing, but I was glad I still at least birthed naturally and honestly it was nice to have relief from the pain. 

By the time I got back to the recovery room, held my baby, and moved to the post-partium room it was already past 9pm and I was BEYOND exhausted.  Thinking back on everything that happened in the last 12 hours. . . WOW!  At the same point, I remember thinking it didn't seem like 12 hours had passed - definitely more like. . . 4-5.  Which sounds totally crazy, but that's even what they say happens with Hypnobabies.  I remember at one point during labor looking at the clock and asking my mom if the time was right b/c it seemed to be at least a few hours fast.  And now, I totally understand what everyone says about birthing naturally! It was very empowering.  I know it's not for everyone, but in some effect, I feel like every woman should experience it; like a rite of passage.  It totally changes the birth experience in a positive way.  You do feel some pretty big lows when you are in the middle of it, but looking back it wasn’t all that bad. Either that or hypnobabies screwed w/ my mind to make me believe it to be that way!  I loved the control I felt this time around.   Part of it might have just been because I was more informed, but I really felt like a active participant in my childs birth, and not so much just another patient rolling through the doors.  But Totally, 100% without a doubt worth it!!  

Hypnobabies

On this oh-so enlightening journey into my second pregnancy, I have become so much more aware and so much more educated than I ever was with B.  With B, I think I was just so excited to be a mom and had so much to learn about babies in general, I never took the time to really learn about the whole process.  I had a fairly simple, uncomplicated pregnancy and just trusted in the medical system and although I was hoping for a natural child-birth, wasn't too worried about it one way or the other.

And of course, this time around has been much different.  I originally had told myself that I was going to get an epidural earlier rather than later.  Then silly me started reading stuff. . . they say knowledge is power, but really it just gave me a new understanding for how the birthing process works.  All of the effects medications can have. . . the domino effect that comes along with it.  So I decided I DID want to try for a natural childbirth again and limit interventions as much as I possibly could.

But I was scared.  Terrified, actually.  Although I'm sure I've forgotten a lot, I still do remember Isabelle's birth pre-epidural and it wasn't fun.  How could I do that?  I'm not very pain tolerant (AT ALL), did I really think I could manage?

Well God Bless my crunchy mom group.  Awhile ago I'd read an article titled, "You Know You're Crunchy When. . . " that mentioned Hypnobabies but didn't think much about it.  Then it came up again here and there. . . then when I made the official decision to try for a natural birth, a fellow momma recommended it (highly) to me, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Ok, I know what you must be thinking;  Seriously? Hypnosis for child-birth?  What a crock.  Yea, I was there, too.  First off, let's de-bunk some stuff.  First, this is NOT what you think of when you think of hypnosis.  I'm not going to listen to some wacko CD, knock myself out, and be in a hypnotic "zone" for all of my childbirth.  I'm not going to be under someone's hypnotic control and unable to think, talk, or move around for myself.  This is a self-hypnosis.  More specifically, it is "Eye-Open Childbirth Hypnosis" which allows me to be mobile, open my eyes, and not be dependent upon passively listening to deep relaxation and guided imagery audios.  While there are CD's I can listen to during my Birthing Time, it is merely a guide.  I am able to come in and out of hypnosis at my choosing.

Let's start from the beginning.  Obviously, since I'm still pregnant (40 weeks and 6 days, thank you very much) I can't say yet how it affected my Birthing Time.  When I first began Hypnobabies, I noticed quite a few differences.  First, I was feeling more positive about my pregnancy.  Part of the Hypnobabies program is to rid your subconscious of all of the negative feelings and perceptions of pregnancy and childbirth.  In other counties, it is seen as a gift!  A rite of passage, if you will.  Women actually look forward to it.  There is no fear or doubt involved it is simply a beautiful, natural process.  Obviously here in the US, it is much much different.  So hypnobabies starts with changing the words you use that might be perceived as negative.  For example, you don't DELIVER your baby, you GIVE BIRTH (we deliver pizzas).  You're not having CONTRACTIONS, you're having PRESSURE WAVES.  You aren't in labor (labor is hard work!), you are in your BIRTHING TIME.  The images and thoughts your subconscious associates with many words are unpleasant, so they want to reset that way of thinking.  Also, throughout your entire pregnancy once you begin the program, you listen to a "Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations" track that is full of positive messages regarding your pregnancy and Child Birth.  Things like, "I love my pregnant body and accept it every day", "It is safe for me to verbalize my feelings and desires", "My baby knows how and when to be born, and I am patient".  Stuff like that.  And while I'll admit, the first few times it felt really hoaky, I will say that just a few days into the program I started feeling better.  Now, I actually look forward to listening to them and will turn them on whenever I am feeling discouraged or negative to boost me back up.  And - even better - I started sleeping better.  Normally, it would take me several hours to fall asleep at night.  Now, I can put in a Hypnobabies track, and I am out in about 15 minutes.  That alone made it worth it!!

So the program runs in a series of 5 week courses.  I had the self-study program that I got from my beloved friend, Gretchen, a mid-wives assistant.  You can buy the program online for about $150.  Some hospitals offer courses through their obstetrics classes and are usually around $250 (or at least the Hypnobabies course at IU West was).  So all you sceptics out there, come on!  If it's taught by a certified RN at a prestigious hospital does that mean something to you?!  There are also people - usually doulas and midwives - who take courses to be certified as a Hypnobabies instructor and offer classes, as well.  I started a little late - I was 36 weeks already, so I did an accelerated version of the program and started a new week every 4-5 days instead of every 7.  This obviously isn't ideal, but hopefully it will still be as effective for me, especially since I've still been able to practice my techniques for 7 weeks now since I'm past my "Guess Date" (another Hypno-term).

So besides being more positive about my pregnancy and sleeping better, I also recommend Hypnobabies because of all of the information in the course material.  It gives excellent information on nutrition, pregnancy exercises, and explains the birthing process in great detail.  Of course it explains hypnosis and how it works, it has tips on birthing positions and what to do when your birthing time comes, not to mention the pushing stage, breastfeeding, and much more.  I really believe ANY mom - especially a new mom - should read it.  For me, most importantly was the understanding I received on how the uterine muscles work.  And they work best when the body is completely relaxed.  Let me assure you, I was NOT completely relaxed when I was in my Birthing Time with B!!  But this depth of relaxation can be reached fairly easily with hypnosis and once I was able to learn the skill and practice them at home every day,  it made me more confident that my experience this time around will be much, much more comfortable and positive.

In addition to the "Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations" and course material, each week you also have a series of hypnosis CD's that you listen to and practice with, that teach you different hypnosis tools.  These tracks are AMAZING.  I would get into a deep enough state of hypnosis that I usually zoned out about mid-way through.  Sleeping or not - it's okay - because your subconscious is always listening!  (Although I like to think I was just in a deep state of hypnosis since I usually woke right at the end of the track or shortly after).  Hypnobabies teaches you to go into your own self-hypnosis by using a technique called the "Finger Drop Technique".  It is what it sounds like - simply dropping your right index finger you easily and automatically close your eyes and (through the training) go into a deep, relaxed state of hypnosis.  I do this 5 (or more) times a day and - in theory - each time I am teaching my body to become more and more relaxed with the finger drop.  You learn it through breathing exercises they teach you - through words that you say to yourself - by creating mental images that bring peace and relaxation - many many things all put together.

Hypnobabies also allows you to remain alert and continue moving freely during your Birthing Time by creating for you a "mental light switch".  So when you first do your finger drop, you are switching your mental light switch to "off", so your body should go completely limp and loose.  Later in the series, you develop the center position.  In the center position, the area between the top of your chest and the middle of your thighs [is taught] to remain limp and loose, while the rest of your body can now move, allowing you to speak, walk, and do anything you need to do to remind comfortable.  But you control the switch, hence why it is a SELF hypnosis.

It's all really very simple and like I said, I love it now even if things don't go as planned.  Hopefully by learning and practicing hypnosis, I will have more control over my body and emotions.  I'll be able to be an active participant in my birth process and be able to trust in my body's natural ability to give birth.  Rumor has it mothers who use hypnobabies have shorter labors because they are able to remain more relaxed and allow their bodies to do their job.  They typically have more energy because of this relaxation and the birth environment in general is much more calm and peaceful.  Statically, 70-75% of Hypno-moms report they had very comfortable births, feeling mostly pressure, tightening or mild cramping sensations.  Hopefully I'll fall into that percentage!!

Hypnobabies Birth on YouTube

Being Born is a Complicated Process

Some things, I'm glad I find out. I never realized how much I DIDN'T know about B's birth and everything that went on. I was a very trusting new mother. They know what they're doing, right?

Well, turns out. . . a lot of it is a bunch of milarky.

Let's start at the beginning. First, when I went into the hospital with Isabelle I probably wasn't in true labor. It was probably just another long evening of "false labor" for me. Although I was contracting every 3-5 min from 2pm until the wee hours of the morning there at the hospital, they weren't that bad (or at least I would soon find out they really weren't that bad, in comparison). But my blood pressure was high and I'd only dilated 1 cm from 9pm-2am, so they gave me the option of starting pitocin or having my water broken. I heard horror stories about pitocin, so I elected to have my water broken - also known as ARM (artificial rupture of the membranes) or amniotomy.

It all sounds good and nice - simple poke here, a yank there, a goosh down below and before you know it, you have yourself a baby!! Unfortunately, when you have an amniotomy performed there are risks. First, there is a risk for infection. Because of this risk, after having ARM you are now on a time clock - most hospitals want your baby born 12-24 hours after having your water broken. Also, it takes away the fore waters that would normally equalize pressure on the cervix. This often causes the cervix to dilate unevenly. Women that are induced by any means (be it amniotomy, pitocin, cervidil) are also at an increased risk for cesarean. There is risk that the umbilical cord could prolapse, gushing out ahead of the baby and into the canal, so every time you have a contraction, their oxygen supply is cut off. Also, since the fluid is no longer there to protect the baby, the pressure from the contractions are directed directly on the baby (and it's umbilical cord), which can cause unneeded discomfort and stress on the baby's part. Also, breaking the water releases hormones that cause contractions to quicken and become more intense and painful, so most mothers (like me!) aren't able to cope with the sudden full-throttle agony making those pain meds harder and harder to turn down.

I always thought you HAD to have your water broken if it didn't break on it's own. Turns out - you don't! Although nearly 100% of laboring mothers in hospitals have their water broken, there is rarely a medical reason to do so. It is simply the hospital hoping it will quicken the process and get you out of their room sooner. In a normal labor, the water often doesn't break until well into the labor or during pushing. On rare cases, the baby is actually born with the amniotic sac still intact, known as "en caul", which is historically known to be a sign of good

luck in many cultures. So with baby Squirt, I hope to keep those juices intact as long as I can. (For detailed information, go here.)

So then, little baby is finally born! They pop out, the cord is clamped and cut, and they are handed over to you for a few short minutes so you can see your precious new bundle, then swept away to get tested. Sounds normal, right? Wrong again!

While many doctors are quick to snip, it is actually to the best interest of the baby to wait until the umbilical cord stops pulsating before clamping it off. By cutting too soon, research shows that it not only deprives the newborn of a significant amount of it's OWN blood (increasing their risk for anemia) - about 54-160ml - but it also decreases their iron levels. If a cord isn't cut until the pulsating stops, it will give the baby enough iron stores for at least 6 months - crucial for breastfed babies.

It's debatable whether breastfed babies should be supplemented with iron. B wasn't. Too little iron can cause neurological issues and developmental delays. Too much tends to cause slower growth and digestive problems. So why not avoid both problems and get the baby off to the right start from birth? (Literally!!)

Once the cord is cut, those first few moments out of the womb can be critical ones. The hospital staff is eager to run their tests, take their measurements, and get on with the rest of their day. But this could be the most important part of your new relationship with your little one! To begin with, it is best if the baby is simply dried off and put on the mother skin to skin. Babies should be given the opportunity to breastfeed as soon as they show interest. They are more likely to latch on and latch well without any help, especially if the mother was unmediated during labor and birth. Their blood sugar is also higher during skin to skin contact. Now is the time to look into your babies eyes, comfort him, and

begin the bonding process. And no hospital warmer will work better than your own body heat. Not to mention skin to skin contact helps regulate their body temperature and stabilize their heart and breathing rates. On a biological note, it allows the baby to be colonized by the same bacteria as the mother. This, in conjunction with breastfeeding, can help prevent allergic diseases. There is no reason why babies shouldn't be able to be with their mothers for the first hour immediately following their birth. Hospital routines can wait; this is more important.

While the baby is on your chest, there are some simples tests and procedures that the nurses can do with you right there. However, some tests I'll be opting out of this time around. For good reason (or at least so I think).

Routinely, newborns receive a Hepatitis B vaccine and a Vitamin K injection. Hepatitis B is a sexually transmitted virus. So if you know the basics of how you contract an STD, you will understand than unless I had Hepatitis B, there is no way for the baby to contract it. And I don't so. . . we're not getting it right now. (But still plan to vaccinate around 24 months, just in case).

Vitamin K is given to help with blood clotting. Although only about .25-1% of babies need it, it is still given routinely. But if you have a healthy, full term, normal birth weight baby born with minimal interventions -- and even more so if you won't be circumcising -- you probably won't need it. Why not give it anyways? Well, first is it's cruel, in my opinion, to inflict any unnecessary pain immediately following birth. The dose is also 20,000 times the needed dose. (WHAT?!). It contains preservative that can be toxic to their delicate immune system. And some studies have shown a link between vitamin K injections and childhood cancer (which can be disputed). Instead, oral vitamin K is safe and effective. While you can administer it directly to the newborn, nursing mothers can instead supplement themselves with vitamin K and pass it on to their babies through their milk. So lets see. . . shoot my baby with a likely unnecessary supplement or simply take a pill for a few months. . . I choose the later.

And you know all of those pictures of goopey-eyed newborn? That "goop" is an eye ointment call erthromycin. It is used to protect the babies eyes from infection - infection I always thought was just from my mommy yuckies down there. Well, it's actually to protect them from the bacteria that causes gonorrhea or chlamydia. So if you are 100% certain you don't have gonorrhea or chlamydia, there is no reason why your newborn needs these somewhat painful and irritating eye drops. I also read some infants are allergic to the drops, and I can't help but wonder if that's why B came home with puffy, swollen eyes. Our society insists on making everything so freekin' sterile. That baby just came out of my vagina, give me a break! By not having the eye drops in, my baby will be able to look up and gaze at his mother without a filmy haze.

With B, once she was swept away my doctor began working on getting my placenta out. I assumed that since I'd had an epidural that I wouldn't know when to push or how to do it, so she just took it out for me and I was instructed to lie back and relax. I thought this was normal. It's not (or at least not in the general sense).

Ideally, it is best to let the placenta separate from your uterine wall naturally. Normally, the placenta is delivered 10-20 minutes after the birth of the baby, sometimes as long as 30 minutes. If you wait too long you can risk hemorrhage (although removing it doesn't mean you won't hemorrhage), but if you pull it off manually it is painful, fragments may be left behind (causing more bleeding and anemia) and it can also lead to endometriosis.

So that's it; that's what I've learned about the birth process. Are you surprised?