Well, it's happened. And honestly, I've been avoiding blogging about it or documenting it in any way because I'm still not really sure how I feel about it. My baby girl has weaned.
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I was at a loss as to were to start with this. I realize less than 3/4 of babies are breastfed from the get-go. By 6 months, less than 1/2 (about 42%)of mother's are still breastfeeding. By 1 year, less than 1/4 (around 20%) are still there. So of course, the numbers of children breastfed up to 2 years is minuscule. So I see B as a very lucky, very healthy, very privileged little girl that got that liquid gold for so long.
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When I got pregnant with "Squirt" I was really determined not to let it affect my breastfeeding relationship with B. First, I was just really sore. But I was hopeful that I would be among the percentage of women that lost that symptom after the first trimester. I wasn't.
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In fact, not only did the pain not go away, it got worse. Then my supply dwindled. No -- it didn't dwindle. . it was completely eradicated. I joked that I was blowing dust, although in all reality, I soon began producing the colostrum that the baby would be getting immediately following birth. Which the taste B didn't really care for. On a few occasions, she told me it was "Yuck".
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Despite the change in taste, B kept on nursing but just seemed to nurse. . . differently. Not actively nursing to get something, more just comfort sucking. Unfortunately, to my body sucking was sucking. . . and by this point I was well into my second trimester so the oxytocin that is released when breastfeeding was telling my uterine muscles to contract. For me, they were rather uncomfortable and also continued on for quite some time even after she was finished. So now I had a toddler with a poor latch sucking on sore nipples while having contractions. I was over it. ----------------------------------------------
Luckily for me, B has never been a major boob hog. I honestly don't remember where we were with nursing when I became pregnant, but I presume she was nursing around 3-5 times a day. She easily went down to only nursing before nap and bed as I began distracting her with other things during the day. To someone who doesn't breastfeed, this might seem silly. "Really? Your toddler is STILL nursing that much all day?!" But think about how many toddlers are still taking a bottle, or even more so how many still need a pacifier to soothe. It's the same thing, only not only am I trying to deprive her of her biggest comfort, but also a huge source of nutrition, protection against illness, and many many other long-term benefits that are crazy to just throw away like it's just some silicone prosthetic. (Are you sensing the guilt oozing from my pores?!)
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When it became too much for me and I started contemplating weaning, first I told myself I would just try to get down to her nursing once/day. Surely I could suck it up and endure it if it only happened once every 24 hours, right? I decided to eliminate the bedtime session next, since I often didn't get a nap out of her if she didn't nurse to sleep. I was terrified.
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Thanks to KellyMom.com, La Lache League, and my Toasted and Crunchy mommas, I went into it with lots of info and was ready to pursue the dropped session and semi-weaning in the most gentle way possible. First, for at least 2 weeks before we gave it up I would talk to B about not nursing before bed anymore. "In 'X' days, we are going to try to go to bed without getting Mommy's milk. Instead we'll get to hug and cuddle and kiss and have yummy snacks, just no milk." Sometimes I would also explain that mommy's breasts were starting to hurt and so I would need a break. The first night went so much better than I expected. I reminded her that today was the day we weren't going to get Mommy's milk, and instead we had a smoothie (yogurt + milk) and some cheese and snuggled in the rocker and read books. When I laid her down, she did then ask for milk, and I reminded her that we weren't going to get Mommy's milk before bed anymore and explained that Mommy's milk hurt (and had put bandaids on my chest to show her) and she took to it fine. Of course then she was a little obsessed with Mommy's "Boo-Boo's", but laid down and went to bed like a pro. I think (*think*) there was a night or two that she started to fuss and get upset about not getting milk, so I let her nurse. But for the most part, it was pretty easy and she was done and it was never a big deal. SCORE!
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Then her 2nd birthday came along. Since we needed her crib for the baby, we switched her over to a twin bed and gave her all of my old bedroom furniture from when I was a little girl and got new fancy bedding and made a big deal out of what a big girl she was. That one nursing session I was planning on keeping disappeared. I think since we lost the toddler bed and the rocker that we usually nursed in, she just forgot about it. She stopped asking. I offered a few times and was refused, so eventually I just didn't offer it anymore (hesitantly. . . constantly questioning myself as usual). And that was it. My baby was weaned. Four days before her second birthday. . . she was done. ----------------------------------------------
There has been two La Lache meetings that she randomly asked to nurse and latched for under 60 seconds. When my sister had her baby 4 weeks ago B did suddenly peak interest again and asked to nurse maybe two or three times, then just gave me a look like, "This is weird" and stopped, sometimes before even really nursing for real. It's like she's forgotten how to do it. If she wants to nurse after Squirt is born, I'm fine with that. I'm certainly not going to give her one more reason to be jealous of the baby and honestly, I don't think her interest will stick around for long. To me, it makes more sense to let her join in on the fun and get some bonus nutrition and bond with mommy and the new baby than turn it into a fight.
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Since weaning, I do get SO many more snuggles that I ever did when B was breastfeeding. Of course she was snuggling while nursing, but it's different when they want to cuddle and hug with no strings attached. Even though it hasn't been long, so far she hasn't gotten sick so I don't have to feel like I'm prolonging her illness by not offering any antibodies. And she still eats well for a 25 month old, so I don't worry about her diet and nutrition TOO much. We're in a good place. Now I just have to make it through the next 2.5 months!
