Magnet Madness

Interesting fact that might surprise a few; I'm co-teaching Sunday school now.  You should ask the story of how that came to be, it's pretty comical.  :)

But it's been fun and something good for me and B to do together on Sundays.  This Sunday we learned about helping friends and the story of Jesus helping Peter fish.  For an activity, the lead teacher had some fishing poles made out of a wooden rod, string, and a magnet.  She cut out fishes, attached a paper clip to them, and the kids when "fishing".  They loved it.

She mentioned that the fishing rod used to be the craft and how parents said they played with it all day; B played w/ it for the entire playtime after the lesson and craft was over.  So I shouldn't have been surprised when she found a wooden rod at home and asked me to make a fishing pole.

So, crafty mom hunted down some string, a magnet from our fridge door, and hair pins for the fish.  We already had the fish colored from the Sunday School craft that day, so it only took about 5 min to cut them out and prep everything.  The game of fishing quickly turned into a lesson about magnets, and so then we started hunting around the house for things that were metal and might work with our fishing rod (along w/ a few odd balls to let her experiment).  Science/Jesus/Craft/PlayTime all in one; SCORE!!!  You may notice a costume change in there, too. . . Peter Pan (NOT Tinker Bell because [obviously] Tinker Bell has short sleeves, wings, and no leggings.  She had ditched her Peter Pan hat for the time being) decided that Sofia the first needed to make an appearance so she could sing her song.  Singing Sofia in a Pan costume is a BIG toddler No-No, apparently. :P

 "Look, Mom!! It hold a fork!"

 B's rainbow fish :)

 Plastic ring doesn't work!

Color Mixing and Making Messes

A friend of ours just posted recently an activity she did with her two kids using a plastic bag and paints -- it looked like so much fun, so I had to try!  I was mostly interested in it because it was mess-free and would save me the trouble of a major clean up. . . but then the girls kept begging me to paint on paper so I broke down and brought out the supplies.  30 min later, Isabelle painted cat whiskers on her face and I learned that Melissa and Doug paints are NOT very washable.  She now has a beautifully green-tinted face.  :/  But I digress. . .

This week B has been very inquisitive about colors.  This little girl never ceases to amaze me.  So daily; "Red and blue make what?"  "What do yellow and red make?"  "What about Yellow and Blue?"  She's pretty good and knows them all pretty well and gets the primary colors, but now that she knows which are mixes, it's, "What if you mix purple and red?  What then?"  She's always thinking!

 Start with just paint in a ziplock baggie.  Make sure it's well sealed!

 Tape it over a white piece of paper and let them go to town :)

 Bed head baby!!!

 Our friend (thaks Sarah!) also mentioned you could put it on a window, so we tried that too :)

 Then B discovered she could move it anywhere, and that was her new game.

 B just recently started showing interest in painting, coloring, etc.  S has loved it from Day 1.  She gets soooooo serious when she's working on a master piece.

 . . . starting to get messy. . . .

The face painting began shortly after this shot :)  Mom turns her back for 30 seconds.  . . There was also paint on her belly, her legs, hands, and arms, so rather than take pictures I just ran them both up for a bath!  Sometimes I think they just want an excuse to take a bath!!

Playing at Home

Ok, before I get started on the blogging, I have my resolution this year to BLOG MORE!  I previously have only blogged about big topics, but I need to focus more on the daily shabang of life and document all of these awesome moments with my girls.  Facebook less, blog more.  

Oy, these snow days have been killer.  

I remember before I had kids thinking my sister was the SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) genius.  (Yes Jen -- start bragging now!)  She always had something fun to do with the kids, was always keeping busy. . . she had it mastered in just a few months.  Thank GOD I had her after I had B, because she definitely taught me how to do it!  Despite the fact that my daughter couldn't walk, talk, crawl, speak. . . much of anything. . . you bet I climbed on board whenever they took a trip.  Even if it was just to Target.  Staying home day in and day out is tedious.  

I've come to the point that staying home 2 or 3 days in a row pretty much never happens.  I have to leave the house almost every day.  Which in turn has created a few monsters, because the girls are usually always wanting to know what we are doing and when we are leaving.  I'm more of a leave-the-home mom than a SAHM.

BUT Ohhhh my Lord are these crazy winter days killing us!  More snow than I ever remember having and sooo bitterly cold that even *I* don't want to leave the house.  So we go a little stir crazy.  But keep busy.  PlayDoh.  Painting.  Plays.  Dress Up.  Toys.  Baths.  Forts.  And some craziness in between.

Daddy loves that I brought the slide indoors :)  But S loves it!

PlayDoh is my best friend and worst enemy.  OMG it's so freekin' messy!

  Take a bow!!

  B was so proud, she learned to spell her name and mastered her S's today!!

 Shas Dad's fix-it, mechanical, how-does-it-work, lets-put-it-together genes.  She gets so serious when she's concentrating!!

 Cat faces with the bath markers :)  Ever since her trip with Aunt Casey, she's been painting herself like a cat whenever she can!

 Sister love!

 Ummmm I love those toes!

 Bringing the snow inside!!

 Hot cocoa and popcorn are becoming a little too regular :/

B has always enjoyed floor time, but S is a wrestle MONSTER.  She goes crazy when anyone gets down on the floor to play with her, she's all over it!

Never Ask If A Woman Is Pregnant

NEVER ASK IF A WOMAN IS PREGNANT.  Ever.

I don't care if she is obviously at least 9 months along.  Don't ask.  You know you have -- shoot - *I* have.  You see the cute pregnant lady at the grocery store and yearn for that feeling of a life growing inside of you that you admittedly once upon a time yearned to be over.  You are curious - when are they due?  What they are having?  Is it there first?  Besides that this is REALLY annoying to answer over and over and over for several months, it's really none of your business.  But that's not all.

Even if she IS, if it's too early, she'll think you just think she's fat.  Maybe it's still a secret and she's trying to hide it, so she really doesn't want to answer.  A mom who looks to be nearing the end of her pregnancy STILL should never be asked.  It doesn't seem like a personal question, but it might be.  I starting thinking of all of the worst-case scenarios that you just never know about, especially when you're talking to a stranger.  What if she is planning on giving it up for adoption?  That could be hard for her.  Or maybe she is pregnant with a baby that has a complication and may not make it to see it's 1st birthday -- or even it's first DAY.  Perhaps she just miscarried.  Perhaps. . . I don't know. . . she had a 10 lb baby and has diastasis recti and her body is just still in recovery.  So just don't ask.  Ever.

If you feel the need to recognize a pregnant lady you pass on the street, just smile at her.  If you must say something, just tell her she is beautiful.  That's what every woman needs to hear EVERY DAY.  That they are beautiful.

The end.

I will never. . .

Sometimes, I feel like a freak when I see articles or posts on things kid or parenting related.  I hate all of the news putting mom against mom; this isn't a competition or about comparing notes.  It's not about who is right or better, it's about what is best for US.  Individually.  For the most part, as long as you love, care for, and feed your children, I'm behind you.  Regardless of how you do it.  I know I'm not the only one who parents this way, but sometimes I feel like I am.  It's easy in the craziness of life and stay-at-home mom world to feel alone.

Regardless, I am proud of it.  It's really not what I DO, but what I don't do.  I came up with a list of promises for my girls.  It's meant to be both serious and funny, so hopefully it's perceived that way!

1.)  I will never leave you to cry alone.
    I don't care if I'm behind 10 hours on sleep.  I don't care if you've been up all night for the last 10 nights.  I don't care if just want me to hold you, or will only sleep if I'm by your side.  I don't care if you've done something wrong and you're crying because you just got in trouble.  I don't care if you're throwing a temper tantrum.  I will never leave you to cry alone.  (Unless you ask me to!)
  Unless you're crying because you're in trouble for hitting your sister, who is ALSO crying.  Sometimes mommas have to prioritize.  Caring for 2 or more children who are crying at the same time is difficult.

2.)  I will never force independence.
   The most independent adults were very dependent children.  I want you to be secure.  I want you to be as attached to me as you need to be, to know you are safe.  I won't force you to go with someone you don't want to go with or be somewhere you don't want to be just because you need "time without mom".  You let me know when you're ready.
  This may change when Kindergarten starts.  I can skip preschool and stay home more, but I'm not sure I'll ever convince your dad to homeschool. :/  

3.)  I will never put you in timeout.
  I will sit down alone with you when you need reconnecting.  I will take you aside and explain what you did was wrong.  I will let you tell your side of the story, and I will work through the problem with you.  I will teach you.  If you want, I will give you time to think about what happened and how you can make it better.  We will work through it together.  I will teach you.  But I will never banish you to a corner/room/chair/etc and leave you.  Also See #1.
   No exceptions found just yet :)

4.)  I will never take something important away from you.
  You are welcome in our bed as long as you want to sleep there.  You can nurse as long as you are happy.  You can sleep with a blanket until you are 30 if you want.
  Unless there is a heath concern.  i.e. you can't eat the entire carton of ice cream.  And I will probably try to wean you by college so it's easier on you.

5.)  I will never put my happiness above yours.
  Because every mother knows nothing is more important to them then their own child's happiness.
  Unless you're not happy until I'm happy.  Then I'll make sure I have a daiquiri.

6.)  I will never force affection on you.
  You don't have to kiss or hug ANYONE (me, your father, your grandparents, your cousins) if you don't want to.  It's your body and you have every control over it.
  However, don't be surprised if I want to hug and kiss you ALL OF THE TIME.  But I'll resist if you insist.

7.)  I will never insist you say "I'm Sorry"
  I want you to say you are sorry because you ARE sorry.  We can talk about what you did, why it was wrong. . . maybe how it hurt someone.  I will make suggestions and we can talk about how to make it better.  But I don't want you to ever give an insincere apology.  When you say you're sorry, I want you to always mean it.
  This doesn't mean I won't be mad as a hornet when you do something that hurts someone and you won't say you're sorry.  We'll probably both be pretty frustrated.  It's still maddening!!  

8.)  I will never hit you
  No freekin' way.  I understand there is a very strong and powerful difference between a child who respects his/her parents, and one who merely fears them.  I know two wrongs don't make a right.  I know the physical, emotional, and life-long effects spanking has on children and I PROMISE you, I will never be a statistic.
  I may or may not goose your cute little booty to get a giggle, though :)

9.)  I will never make you share something that belongs to you
  There are some possessions even *I* am not willing to share with just anyone.  Like my car.  Or my camera.  Just because I know the difference in monetary value between a car and a blanket doesn't mean you do.  If you don't want to share something, that is fine.  (Although be prepare that I will make you put up anything you don't want to share while friends are over).  If you are playing with a toy and someone wants to play with it, I won't make you turn it over just because I think they are entitled to anything they ask for.  I will teach you to take turns and give it to them when you are finished.  And vise-versa for you.
  I may ask you to share food, however.  Like, say. . . jelly beans.  With mommy.  Maybe your sister can have some too. :)  And some serious lessons may be in our future for clothing two teenage girls.  Oy.

10.)  I will never threaten or manipulate you with a false pretense.
  i.e. Santa.  The Easter Bunny.  Whomever.  I love the characters.  But I hate and will not EVER manipulate your behavior by threatening you.  No, "You better be good or Santa won't bring you any presents!"  or "Uh oh. . . Santa is watching you!  He's going to skip our house because you are being so bad!"  I want you to know that people give you presents because they want to, not because of who you are.  (So when you are older, don't act a certain way because you think people will like you more or give you want you want).  I want you to be sweet because you want us to be happy and have a good time together, not because you want something out of it.  It sends completely the wrong message.  I only wish I could keep OTHER people from saying it to you, too!
  I could and will make lots of notes on your good behavior, though. . . just so you know I am noticing. "Look how happy Sophia is when you play so nicely with her!"  "That is so helpful when you clean up your messes so I don't have to do it all!"  

Having 2

Once again, I post that I've been wanting to write, but I don't even know how I'm going to tackle it.

Having a baby is life changing.  And any mother knows what I mean.  And when you are pregnant, or anytime before you are pregnant, and people tell you this fact (It's life changing) you nod and smile and think "of course".  But YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  In fact, I think it even took me a good 2 years (+) before it really set in for me.  The DEPTH to which my life has changed is remarkable in so so so many ways.  Not just what I do each day and how I live my life, but the feelings, emotions, and everything that goes into being a mother that is life changing.

And then comes along child numero dos.  And that "you have no idea" concept which seemed to resonate so deeply. . . suddenly, means nothing.  Because having a second is like something no one can ever express.  (Although I will try).  It is so many things all in one that all I can say is

You have NO idea

Like I said, I will try to explain.  But in reality, nothing anyone could ever say could ever express what it is like to have a second [child].   I have so many friends expecting their second.  Of course lots of clients having their second.  When you are pregnant, so many people ask you, "Is this your first?".  I always just thought they were curious, but now I realize (at least for me) that it's because the meaning and feeling behind that answer is SO vastly different, depending on what it is.

What to expect as a mother of 2

During pregnancy:  You are hormonal.  If your first child is under 4, you are taking care of not only a rambunctious and energetic toddler, but you are growing a life inside you.  You will be EXHAUSTED.  Your day is go go go go and GO.  Remember how tired you were the first time around?  Well. . . multiply that by about 60.  My first pregnancy I was a zoo keepers.  I was working as a marine mammal trainer, on my feet every day all day.  I was lifting 50+ lb buckets of fish all day, scrubbing exhibits, running around in shows -- it was a VERY physical job.  And yes, I was exhausted.  But staying home with a toddler all day while you're pregnant is totally different.  And weather you work or not, if it's your second, it's different.  Because either way, when you get home from work (or if you're a SAHM and it's when your husband gets home) GENERALLY speaking you don't get it just sit down and vege like you did with the first.  You're still in action.

Weather the pregnancy was a surprise or planned, you will sometimes think positively about the second child.  Creating a playmate for his/her older sibling.  Adding to the family and how wonderful that will be.  You envision them frolicking together in the fields. (Bwahaha!) Laughing and giggling under a tent of blankets and couch cushions in your family room.  Maybe even go so far as adulthood and think of them standing by each other as they get married.  Then, the third trimester hits.  And you suddenly realize that pretty soon, it's not going to be just you and number 1 anymore.  You're going to have to divide your time AND your attention.  You start worrying about how you will manage bedtimes.  How you can breastfeed AND fix lunch for your toddler at the same time.  You will lie next to your daughter at nap time and sob because it suddenly hits you that you might not have the chance to do this anymore in another few weeks (*ahem*).  All of these feelings are normal.

Then, the baby arrives.

Me and my sister have discussed the phenomenon that happens when the baby is born.  Logically, you would think that 1+1=2.  But in child rearing, it does NOT.  For some reason, 1+1 = something more like 4 (on a good day) or even as much as 8-10.  I'm being dramatic, right?  No.  For real.

So WHY is it so hard?  Why is it so amazing, crazy, wonderful, hectic, stressful, joyous and then some? Well. . . I will tell you.  But until you experience it YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  But be prepared: these thing will likely happen to YOU.

1) Your first will want to be a baby again.  You will whip out the stroller, the bassinet, the swing, the pack-n-play.  And they will want to climb inside.  They will want you to cradle them like a baby.  They will want you to call them baby.  Indulge them and oogle over them while you can.

2)  I assure you a time will come when you are feeding your baby and #1 comes and wants you to hold them.  DO IT.  It will be awkward.  You'll probably get jabbed in the ribs.  It will continue to happen for months and months and months.  But just do it.  If you want to nurse/feed your second in peace, formulate a plan b/c it will rarely happen if #1 is in the room watching, unless someone is there to occupy.

3)  You will have a day when #1 is crying for you at the same time as #2.  If you can't care for them both at once (as it often is), pick who needs you the most.  Your prioritizing skills will be stellar by the end of the 3rd month.

4)  Going out. . . anywhere. . . brings on a whole new level of crazy.  It took me over an hour to pack up and leave the house for the first several outings.  Going anywhere is like an olympic event.  Remember all of the stuff you had to bring along with your first baby?  Well you still have all of that stuff, PLUS all of the stuff from your toddler.  Not to mention the actual toddler, himself.  Loading and unloading from the car, getting into the store. . . EVERYTHING has it's own challenges.  I remember my first trip to the pet store.  I was a hot mess.

5)  You may never EVER feel caught up.  I remember (hate me now) actually thinking one kid was easy.  Isabelle was a really easy baby and probably the reason I was ready to have a second.  But remember that math equation of 1+1= 4+?  I remember days I would lounge around in the morning while Isabelle played on the carpet and I drank a cup of coffee.  Or when we could leisurely stroll through Target to kill some time.  Now, there are days that fly by and I'm amazed that I even had time to BRETHE.  It's running from one snack, to a dirty diaper, to another change of costume, to nursing, to wiping away tears from a fall, to wiping off the peanut butter on the sofa, and so on and so on.  There is no sitting down to relax, because one of them will always need you or be climbing on you, or breaking/spilling/doing something.  I'm just proud that I *can* shop with both girls, but I definately don't do it because it's enjoyable anymore.  It's a feat!  I am so proud of myself when I survive another grocery trip with both of them!!

6)  Someone will ALWAYS be touching you.  Which might sound fabulous, and I do love all of the cuddles, but I'm not talking just cuddles.  I'm talking about B climbing up my back while I change a diaper.  Or S smacking my face while she nurses.  They both insist on being carried pretty much all of the time, and since I really just can't do that, it instills lots of whining and crying.  Some days I feel like I can't ever meet BOTH of their needs completely.  Which logically, you think of course, that's okay, you're a mom, they are fine.  But when YOU are the mom and they are YOUR kids, that leaves you with horrible guilt.  Which adds to that equation, again.

7)  Showering will become a luxury.  I remember people telling me this with #1 and it was such a lie.  (Hate me now).  But really, Isabelle was easy.  I could just take her in the shower with me or let her play on the floor.  Which yes, I can still do with the 2, but is not just TWICE as hard, it was 10 times as hard.  Because it's not just 2 babies in the shower with me, it's two babies in the shower who want the same toy to play with, or want to sit in the same spot, or both want to be held, etc, etc, etc.  And because you can't make BOTH happy for the same thing, you have to play referee.  Showering, while many days it COULD be done, it's just more of a pain and hassle than it's worth.  I usually think, "Egh, I wasn't sweaty yesterday, I'm fine."  or "Egh. . . I'm going to the pool later, why bother?"  Yep.  That's me.

8) Car rides take on a whole new level of crazy.  One crying baby is hard.  But when that one baby makes your OTHER baby start to cry -- Ohhhh my.  What a joy that brings.  It's always fun when I think I have B happy watching a movie on the DVD player and then S starts to fuss.  And soon her fuss turns to a cry.  And then un-napped B turns to her little sister, scowls, and screams, "STOP CRYING!!!!!"  Which makes S cry harder, which makes B scream louder, which makes me snap at B to stop yelling, which then makes B cry and so on and so on and so on.  Yep, it's hard.

BUT, do not let this scare you. (Ok. . . maybe be a little scared because again - YOU HAVE NO IDEA.) But think of this:

Your babies won't be babies forever.  Hold them while they want held.  Kiss them while they still let you.  Let all of you children pile on you and (even if you can't breathe) enjoy every minute.  While the tears are hard, it is heartwarming knowing they feel secure enough with you to always come to you with their pains and fears.  While you will be exhausted and worn out and never caught up, they will be growing up in a home where they have one amazing super mom who would (and DOES) do ANYTHING for them.  When looking back on their children's younger years, no mother will ever say, "I wish I'd cleaned my house more".  While there are moments that completely suck, the first time your older child sweeps in to comfort their younger brother or sister will melt your heart.  When you hear them giggling together in the other room, you'll almost cry (or maybe you will for real; been there!).  While you will likely be pushed to a new extreme of difficulty and despair and may hit some of your lowest of lows, there will be moments. . . maybe even days. . . where they are at the total opposite end of the spectrum.  When the flood of joy and happiness and fulfillment is so so SO SO high, that I can't even explain that.  Because YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  It's THAT great.

It's not a pee pee (Sex Talk and Keeping it Real)

I have NO idea why I keep seeing topics related to sex and kids recently.  Recently, facebook posts have had so many views; from "purity balls" to debates over when to teach sex ed in school.  I also have NO idea why this topic weighs on my mind.  But teaching my daughters about sex and their bodies is important to me.  So here's my two (or. . . twenty) cents.



WHERE WE STAND:

Let's start with the basics as to where I see all future sex talks stemming from.  Calling their privates what they are.  It's not a "pee pee" or a "wee wee".  It's a vagina.  Labia [majora] to be more accurate.  Daddy has a penis.  I nurse from my breasts.  "Butt" is as slang as it gets, but I think that's still calling it what it is (a buttocks).  By giving children accurate information about their bodies, it lets them know they don't have anything to be ashamed of.  Because kidding around and giving code names is secretive and can lead children to believe it is something to be embarrassed about.  According to a recent article I read:

 "Medical professionals and sex-abuse prevention educators are encouraging parents to teach their kids about their bodies, including the correct words to identify their genitalia. . . Teaching children anatomically correct terms, age-appropriately, says Laura Palumbo, a prevention specialist with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), promotes positive body image, self confidence, and parent-child communication; discourages perpetrators; and, in the event of abuse, helps children and adults navigate the disclosure and forensic interview process."  

Another plus; by teaching them the correct anatomy, children can accurately describe any problems they have with their doctors without any confusion ("Ok. . . now where exactly is your 'Little Turkey?'"), plus they won't be too embarrassed to ask questions.  “A child should view their entire body as healthy and there’s no particular part of their body that’s shameful,” Dr. Bob Sege, the director of Boston Medical Center’s division of family and child advocacy, told NBC’s TODAY. Teaching kids to use the accurate words for their body parts teaches them that they have ownership over their body, provides a positive boost to their self-image, and increases their confidence. If youth grows up with a deeper understanding of bodily autonomy and consent, they will be more likely to speak up when they feel that consent has been violated — and perhaps less likely to violate someone else’s consent.

Ok. . . so B (and soon S) know what's what.  Yes, I have even whipped out Google to search 'female anatomy' when B wanted specifics as to what was in there.  I'll admit. . . it was a little strange at first.  Being open and frank over things that are usually kept on the down low felt odd.  But now, it's like second nature.  Hopefully this beginning will make those BIGGER talks down the road easier.  But honestly, I hope to not have ONE big "big talk".  I HOPE that little by little, B (and S) will ask and I will answer.  That she/they will feel open to answer any questions they have without feeling embarrassed and knowing I will give them honest answers.  According to parenting.com, here is what children understand, age by age: 

Ages 2 to 3: The right words for private body parts, such as "penis" and "vagina"

Ages 3 to 4: Where a baby comes from. But they won't understand all the details of reproduction  -- so a simple "Mom has a uterus inside her tummy, where you lived until you were big enough to be born" is fine.

Ages 4 to 5: How a baby is born. Stick with the literal response: "When you were ready to be born, the uterus pushed you out through Mommy's vagina."

Ages 5 to 6: A general idea of how babies are made. ("Mom and Dad made you.") Or if your child demands more details: "A tiny cell inside Dad called a sperm joined together with a tiny cell inside Mom called an egg."

Ages 6 to 7: A basic understanding of intercourse. You can say, "Nature [or God] created male and female bodies to fit together like puzzle pieces. When the penis and the vagina fit together, sperm, like tadpoles, swim through the penis and up to the egg." Explain what you think about sex and relationships. For instance: "Sex is one of the ways people show love for each other."

Ages 8 to 9: That sex is important, which your child has probably picked up from the media and her peers. A child this age can handle a basic explanation on just about any topic, including rape. ("Remember when we talked about sex being part of a loving relationship? Rape is when someone forces another person to have sex, and that's wrong.")

Ages 9 to 11: Which changes happen during puberty. Also be ready to discuss sex-related topics your child sees in the news.

Age 12: By now, kids are formulating their own values, so check in every so often to provide a better context for the information your child's getting. But avoid overkill or you'll be tuned out.

I was happy to read we are right where we are "supposed" to be.  When B started obsessing over baby's in bellies, we talked about how baby's are actually in the Mommy's uterus and will grow inside them until they are ready to come out.  And then, they come out through the Mother's vagina.  (Gasp!!!)  Honestly, I was bracing myself for more questions, but that really was all she wanted to know.  "Oh.  Otay.", she said.

SEX TALK AT HOME

Talking about sex with your child isn't easy.  Hopefully by keeping things age-appropriate, simple, and to the point, the girls will be open to discussing anything that's on their minds.  Another thing that I'm hoping to keep up in our home is keeping their father involved.  (Lucky daddy!)  Research shows when fathers talk to their daughters about sex, their little girls have less sex when they're older.  Boys and girls treat sex differently.  I think we can generally agree that when girls start thinking about having sex, they are thinking of love.  Boys on the other hand keep it separate from their emotions and think of it as more of a physical act.  Moms can explain this to their girls, but they will be more likely to believe it when it comes from the source (dad; a boy).  Plus, when a father and daughter have the talk, they are more likely to have and/or be nourishing a close father-daughter relationship.  When girls have a close relationship with a father figure they don't need to seek a boyfriend to fill any void they may have.  Daughters who have positive relationships with their fathers have higher self-esteem and are more confident and less likely to succumb to peer pressure. 

WHAT ABOUT SEX IN SCHOOL?  

There has been a debate over when sex education is appropriate in schools.  Conservatives argue abstinence should be the only lesson when it comes to sex ed.  Liberals say that the increase in the spread of STD's among teens give a case that kids need more detailed information so they know the dangers.  

I started to look up statistics on sex ed in school.  When girls start puberty.  How young kids are becoming sexually active.  Abstinence-only programs vs comprehensive classes.  Then I realized since my whole argument is how and why we should talk to our kids, it doesn't even matter!  Young people are going to learn about sex.  I vividly remember learning a bit about it when I was 7 years old from a book my best friend had.  (I still remember reading the human sex page over and over, ". . . and then, the man places his penis in the mother's vagina.")  We need to stop putting the responsibility on the schools and put it on ourselves.  Kids are going to talk to each other- where they will get horribly misguided information.  They may experiment if they are curious and don't know better.  They'll look to the media. . . So it's our [very stressful and high-pressure] job to make sure they know the facts, they know they can come to us, and they know we will give them honest, open answers.

MASTURBATION:

Yup.  I'm gonna go there.  

It's all connected, people.  I don't want B or S to ever feel embarrassed about their bodies.  It is normal for kids to explore their bodies at a very early age.  They don't know what they are doing in the aspect of how we see it.  If you yell or scorn ("Eww, don't do that!!", "Get your hands away from there!", "That's dirty, stop that right now!!"), it (once again) teaches them that their bodies are dirty, touching them is wrong, and that they should be ashamed and embarrassed.  By ignoring it and trying to distract them is like saying, "What you're doing is so awful that I'm going to pretend I didn't see it".  I've already passed this non-issue with B.  When I saw her touching herself, I just let her know that I know it feels good, but it's something that should be done in private.  "Our privates are private" I always say.  Which reinforces that no one else should ever see or touch her, unless it's mommy or daddy or Nana when she needs wiped after going potty or is getting cleaned in the bathtub.  When I clean her, I ask her if she wants help or ask her if it's okay that I wash her bottom.  If she says no, then I let her do it herself.  This helps teach her that her body is HER body and should be respected.

When it's all written out, it seems really complicated.  But it's really very simple.  I want to be open and honest and THERE when it comes to sex and their bodies.  If you're in for a laugh, check out this halarious story about a sex talk between a father and daugher: http://www.joshweed.com/2013/07/sometimes-sex-talk-goes-horribly-wrong.html