Having 2

Once again, I post that I've been wanting to write, but I don't even know how I'm going to tackle it.

Having a baby is life changing.  And any mother knows what I mean.  And when you are pregnant, or anytime before you are pregnant, and people tell you this fact (It's life changing) you nod and smile and think "of course".  But YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  In fact, I think it even took me a good 2 years (+) before it really set in for me.  The DEPTH to which my life has changed is remarkable in so so so many ways.  Not just what I do each day and how I live my life, but the feelings, emotions, and everything that goes into being a mother that is life changing.

And then comes along child numero dos.  And that "you have no idea" concept which seemed to resonate so deeply. . . suddenly, means nothing.  Because having a second is like something no one can ever express.  (Although I will try).  It is so many things all in one that all I can say is

You have NO idea

Like I said, I will try to explain.  But in reality, nothing anyone could ever say could ever express what it is like to have a second [child].   I have so many friends expecting their second.  Of course lots of clients having their second.  When you are pregnant, so many people ask you, "Is this your first?".  I always just thought they were curious, but now I realize (at least for me) that it's because the meaning and feeling behind that answer is SO vastly different, depending on what it is.

What to expect as a mother of 2

During pregnancy:  You are hormonal.  If your first child is under 4, you are taking care of not only a rambunctious and energetic toddler, but you are growing a life inside you.  You will be EXHAUSTED.  Your day is go go go go and GO.  Remember how tired you were the first time around?  Well. . . multiply that by about 60.  My first pregnancy I was a zoo keepers.  I was working as a marine mammal trainer, on my feet every day all day.  I was lifting 50+ lb buckets of fish all day, scrubbing exhibits, running around in shows -- it was a VERY physical job.  And yes, I was exhausted.  But staying home with a toddler all day while you're pregnant is totally different.  And weather you work or not, if it's your second, it's different.  Because either way, when you get home from work (or if you're a SAHM and it's when your husband gets home) GENERALLY speaking you don't get it just sit down and vege like you did with the first.  You're still in action.

Weather the pregnancy was a surprise or planned, you will sometimes think positively about the second child.  Creating a playmate for his/her older sibling.  Adding to the family and how wonderful that will be.  You envision them frolicking together in the fields. (Bwahaha!) Laughing and giggling under a tent of blankets and couch cushions in your family room.  Maybe even go so far as adulthood and think of them standing by each other as they get married.  Then, the third trimester hits.  And you suddenly realize that pretty soon, it's not going to be just you and number 1 anymore.  You're going to have to divide your time AND your attention.  You start worrying about how you will manage bedtimes.  How you can breastfeed AND fix lunch for your toddler at the same time.  You will lie next to your daughter at nap time and sob because it suddenly hits you that you might not have the chance to do this anymore in another few weeks (*ahem*).  All of these feelings are normal.

Then, the baby arrives.

Me and my sister have discussed the phenomenon that happens when the baby is born.  Logically, you would think that 1+1=2.  But in child rearing, it does NOT.  For some reason, 1+1 = something more like 4 (on a good day) or even as much as 8-10.  I'm being dramatic, right?  No.  For real.

So WHY is it so hard?  Why is it so amazing, crazy, wonderful, hectic, stressful, joyous and then some? Well. . . I will tell you.  But until you experience it YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  But be prepared: these thing will likely happen to YOU.

1) Your first will want to be a baby again.  You will whip out the stroller, the bassinet, the swing, the pack-n-play.  And they will want to climb inside.  They will want you to cradle them like a baby.  They will want you to call them baby.  Indulge them and oogle over them while you can.

2)  I assure you a time will come when you are feeding your baby and #1 comes and wants you to hold them.  DO IT.  It will be awkward.  You'll probably get jabbed in the ribs.  It will continue to happen for months and months and months.  But just do it.  If you want to nurse/feed your second in peace, formulate a plan b/c it will rarely happen if #1 is in the room watching, unless someone is there to occupy.

3)  You will have a day when #1 is crying for you at the same time as #2.  If you can't care for them both at once (as it often is), pick who needs you the most.  Your prioritizing skills will be stellar by the end of the 3rd month.

4)  Going out. . . anywhere. . . brings on a whole new level of crazy.  It took me over an hour to pack up and leave the house for the first several outings.  Going anywhere is like an olympic event.  Remember all of the stuff you had to bring along with your first baby?  Well you still have all of that stuff, PLUS all of the stuff from your toddler.  Not to mention the actual toddler, himself.  Loading and unloading from the car, getting into the store. . . EVERYTHING has it's own challenges.  I remember my first trip to the pet store.  I was a hot mess.

5)  You may never EVER feel caught up.  I remember (hate me now) actually thinking one kid was easy.  Isabelle was a really easy baby and probably the reason I was ready to have a second.  But remember that math equation of 1+1= 4+?  I remember days I would lounge around in the morning while Isabelle played on the carpet and I drank a cup of coffee.  Or when we could leisurely stroll through Target to kill some time.  Now, there are days that fly by and I'm amazed that I even had time to BRETHE.  It's running from one snack, to a dirty diaper, to another change of costume, to nursing, to wiping away tears from a fall, to wiping off the peanut butter on the sofa, and so on and so on.  There is no sitting down to relax, because one of them will always need you or be climbing on you, or breaking/spilling/doing something.  I'm just proud that I *can* shop with both girls, but I definately don't do it because it's enjoyable anymore.  It's a feat!  I am so proud of myself when I survive another grocery trip with both of them!!

6)  Someone will ALWAYS be touching you.  Which might sound fabulous, and I do love all of the cuddles, but I'm not talking just cuddles.  I'm talking about B climbing up my back while I change a diaper.  Or S smacking my face while she nurses.  They both insist on being carried pretty much all of the time, and since I really just can't do that, it instills lots of whining and crying.  Some days I feel like I can't ever meet BOTH of their needs completely.  Which logically, you think of course, that's okay, you're a mom, they are fine.  But when YOU are the mom and they are YOUR kids, that leaves you with horrible guilt.  Which adds to that equation, again.

7)  Showering will become a luxury.  I remember people telling me this with #1 and it was such a lie.  (Hate me now).  But really, Isabelle was easy.  I could just take her in the shower with me or let her play on the floor.  Which yes, I can still do with the 2, but is not just TWICE as hard, it was 10 times as hard.  Because it's not just 2 babies in the shower with me, it's two babies in the shower who want the same toy to play with, or want to sit in the same spot, or both want to be held, etc, etc, etc.  And because you can't make BOTH happy for the same thing, you have to play referee.  Showering, while many days it COULD be done, it's just more of a pain and hassle than it's worth.  I usually think, "Egh, I wasn't sweaty yesterday, I'm fine."  or "Egh. . . I'm going to the pool later, why bother?"  Yep.  That's me.

8) Car rides take on a whole new level of crazy.  One crying baby is hard.  But when that one baby makes your OTHER baby start to cry -- Ohhhh my.  What a joy that brings.  It's always fun when I think I have B happy watching a movie on the DVD player and then S starts to fuss.  And soon her fuss turns to a cry.  And then un-napped B turns to her little sister, scowls, and screams, "STOP CRYING!!!!!"  Which makes S cry harder, which makes B scream louder, which makes me snap at B to stop yelling, which then makes B cry and so on and so on and so on.  Yep, it's hard.

BUT, do not let this scare you. (Ok. . . maybe be a little scared because again - YOU HAVE NO IDEA.) But think of this:

Your babies won't be babies forever.  Hold them while they want held.  Kiss them while they still let you.  Let all of you children pile on you and (even if you can't breathe) enjoy every minute.  While the tears are hard, it is heartwarming knowing they feel secure enough with you to always come to you with their pains and fears.  While you will be exhausted and worn out and never caught up, they will be growing up in a home where they have one amazing super mom who would (and DOES) do ANYTHING for them.  When looking back on their children's younger years, no mother will ever say, "I wish I'd cleaned my house more".  While there are moments that completely suck, the first time your older child sweeps in to comfort their younger brother or sister will melt your heart.  When you hear them giggling together in the other room, you'll almost cry (or maybe you will for real; been there!).  While you will likely be pushed to a new extreme of difficulty and despair and may hit some of your lowest of lows, there will be moments. . . maybe even days. . . where they are at the total opposite end of the spectrum.  When the flood of joy and happiness and fulfillment is so so SO SO high, that I can't even explain that.  Because YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  It's THAT great.